Tag: counseling Long Island

First Date Musts

First Date Musts (by Jay Shetty on the Lisa Bilyeu Show)

Jay Shetty has joined Lisa to discuss his latest book, 8 Rules of Love which includes so much more than just 8 rules. Jay Shetty shares the lessons and experiences he’s picked up from his marriage and time coaching others on how to have deeper and more meaningful relationships.

First Date Musts – The Most Important Questions You MUST Ask Your Partner

The early days in a brand new relationship really make a difference in who you choose as a long term partner.

A great quote from this video:  “We’re holding onto a particular picture of love. We have an image of what love is and don’t have an image of what it could be or how it grows.”

These 3 date rules (by Jay Shetty) don’t have to be done in any particular order, as long as they’re researched ahead of commitment / marriage.

3 Date Research:

1. DO I LIKE THIS PERSON’S PERSONALITY?

Do I get along with this person? Do I like their company? Are they interesting and fun to hang out with? Are you willing to spend 200+ hours with this person?

Most of the time on a first date, we’re more likely to be focused on if the other person likes us. Instead, we should be evaluating how they make us feel when around them, or if we share the same morals or life outlooks.

2. DO I RESPECT THEIR VALUES?

We don’t often understand our partner’s true values until much later. (This is why premarital counseling is so essential. Find more info. about my premarital therapy here.) We may not prioritize things in the same way.

What do they care about the most? You can find this out by listening to what they talk about the most. They’ll show you what they care about. Also, make a list of your own priorities.

3. Am I committed to helping them achieve their goals?

Am I ready (at any level) to help this person achieve their goals? Am I willing to be there with them and cheer them on? Do I want to see them and support them in attaining their dreams?

These 3 first date questions will help you assess who’s right for you.

If you’re looking for more information on talk therapy/counseling, contact me today.

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Handling Distress with Radical Acceptance to Stay Balanced

Sometimes you’ll run into a problem that’s simply out of your control. It can be easy to think, “This isn’t fair..” or “I shouldn’t have this problem..” That kind of mindset only prolongs the pain and the problem. Instead of focusing on your negative emotions, practice radical acceptance in the present moment.

Example: you are in horrible traffic on your way home from work. Instead of becoming belligerent about the situation you are literally stuck in, focus on how you can enjoy this very moment for what it is. Do you listen to a long but intellectual podcast? Do you call someone you haven’t spoken with in a while? Spin the negative situation into a positive and you’ll practice radical acceptance for what it is.

Pain on its own can be difficult. But it’s only when you don’t accept it that it turns into suffering.

Practicing non-attachment does not mean not feeling your emotions. Rather, it refers to an intention of not allowing your pain to turn into suffering.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Radical acceptance refers to a healthier way of thinking during already stressful situations. Instead of focusing on how you’d like something / someone to be different, recognize and accept the situation as it is right now. Remember: accepting is not the same as liking or condoning it.

When a person utilizes denial or another defense mechanism, they often end up feeling worse and in more distress because they’re not accepting the reality of the situation. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you see the present moment for what it is and look at it more objectively, rather than purely emotionally.

Learning to accept problems (as they are right now) that are out of your control, will lead to less anxiety, anger, and sadness while you’re dealing with them.

If you’d like information on individual counseling in Long Island, New York, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Why do couples fight?

Why do couples fight?

According to Dr. Harville Hendrix, (one of the founders of Imago Relationship Therapy along with his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt), after looking at couples for 8 years, came to a conclusion that they fight for a core reason:

“They experience a disconnection from each other and want the connection back, so they project the responsibility of that disconnection onto each other; each couple then defends against taking responsibility for it, which of course increases the disconnection. So fundamentally, it’s sort of a paradox that couples fight in order to get connected, and the fighting actually results in having them become more disconnected. Basically, couples fight because of a disconnect and they don’t like it.”

If you live on Long Island and would like more information on Imago Relationship Therapy, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

You can also call Chana at (516) 592-1107.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York

COUNSELING FOR COUPLES IN A SAFE, SUPPORTIVE PLACE

If your relationship is distressed, a Long Island marriage counselor can provide you with a greater understanding of your relationship, a way to use your challenges as the opportunities they are for deeper connection, and a road map for repair.

The 4 Pillars of a Partnership:

While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection. Below you can find what the 4 pillars of a partnership entail.

Can you be your true self around your partner?  Is your dynamic mostly drama-free and peaceful?  Do you have a friendship, as well as feelings of lust?  Do you work well as a team?  Is your partner inspiring you to be a better person / supporting you emotionally?  Is there trust and open communication?

Here’s a checklist for a sustainable relationship from Amy Chan / Breakup Bootcamp Founder (@missamychan on Instagram). She helps people create healthy relationships.

The 4 Pillars of a Partnership:

  1. Chemistry – connection and attraction

  2. Compatibility – alignment of values and vision

  3. Timing – if it’s the perfect person at the wrong time, it’s the wrong person

  4. Mutuality – two people who are equally invested in building the relationship and have the ability and capacity to do so

Spend a few minutes reflecting on how each of these apply to your relationship. Chances are, you won’t have everything in balance, but that’s ok. The lesson here isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues, or obsess about the things that are lacking. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. Keep in mind, that’s there’s always room for improvement in any relationship.

If you are looking for more information about Imago relationship counseling on Long Island, contact us.

With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

CHANA PFEIFER, LCSW IN WEST HEMPSTEAD, NY

(516) 592-1107

Individual, premarital, and couples therapy provided in a confidential and supportive atmosphere.

Offices available in:

West Hempstead, NY – Chana Pfeifer
Huntington, NY – Robin Newman
Miller Place, NY – David Weber

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers can be defined as memories, thoughts, situations or experiences that cause significant distress.

Although they can be a component of trauma-related conditions such as PTSD, they also play a role in anxiety and depression. Whether associated with a traumatic experience of the past or amplified by anxiety, emotional triggers can have negative effects in your life.

The reactivity you may feel to certain events or memories can manifest in a variety of ways.

Emotional outbursts may be directed at others or turned inwards, resulting in immense discomfort. The continued cycle of triggers, distress and avoidance can be exhausting in itself, leaving little space to understand or reduce their frequency and severity.

Common reactions to emotional triggers may include fear, sadness, anger or any number of intense emotions. It may manifest in a physical sense similar to anxiety, with reactions such as a racing heart, nausea, sweating, shaking and/or shortness of breath. When triggered, it may be easy to lash out at others, provoking even more tension and emotional turmoil.

Although one’s immediate reaction to such unpleasant experiences may be to limit exposure to such stressors, avoidance can lead to additional anxiety. It’s important to understand and develop strategies that can help mitigate the stress and fear associated with such situations. Rather than letting such apprehension disrupt your daily activities, learning healthy coping mechanisms can bring immense healing.

A fresh perspective can make a difference in your perception of emotional triggers. Although some triggers may not have a clear origin, taking the time to explore them in a calm, safe environment can be the key to unlocking their mystery.

The guidance of a counselor can help you decode, process and heal from emotional triggers.

In addition to providing a comfortable space to heal from past traumas, therapy can help you develop a holistic plan for the future. Through therapy, one can begin to recognize and take control over situations and memories that trigger emotional discomfort.

Chana Pfeifer can help you begin healing from the effects of triggers and emotional stressors. Together, you can develop a robust plan to experience relief and learn strategies to cope with potential emotional triggers.

Chana offers virtual and in-person, socially-distanced counseling services with a therapeutic plan customized to your individual needs. If you are struggling with the effects of emotional triggers, don’t hesitate to contact Chana today to begin your journey of healing.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Panic Attacks

If you’ve suffered from a panic attack before or have witnessed someone you care about go through one, you know that it’s a rough thing to deal with.

There are a significant amount of people who suffer from panic disorder.

With panic disorder, people obviously have panic attacks. However, if you have experienced a panic attack before, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have panic disorder. It could just have been an isolated incident, not reoccurring for the rest of your life.

A panic attack is where you experience an incredible sense of fear.

When confronted with danger, your body goes into either fight, flight, or freeze responses. With panic attacks, you are just flying. Your body experiences the same feelings it would have if for example, someone was trying to mug you, except there is no one mugging you or chasing after you. There’s no discernible reason why you should be feeling this onset of crippling fear, but you’re experiencing it nonetheless. In other words, there is no tangible thing happening in that moment to cause you such fear.

Panic attack symptoms can last for up to an hour, leaving sufferers feeling drained. Some people may think they’re having a heart attack, which is quite scary to say the least.

If you have more than 4 of these symptoms, you may be having a panic attack:

  • heart pounding
  • shaking
  • dizziness
  • sweating
  • choking
  • nausea
  • short breath
  • chest pain
  • numbness
  • chills
  • hot flashes
  • feeling like you’re going crazy, about to die, etc.

If you’re having panic attacks on a regular basis, you may have panic disorder.

One theory why people may develop panic disorder is if they experienced a traumatic event in their lives that was never dealt with psychologically. Stored feelings that someone may have had at one point continually gets revisited.

Or, even worrying about your next panic attack can actually bring one on! There is a link to agoraphobia simply because of this fear of having a panic attack again. Just the fear of having one before can lead to more in the future. So, it is a cyclical problem.

If you do have a panic disorder, you may have a hard time getting your family or friends to understand it. They might under react to the severity of your issues. Saying, “it’s all in your head”, or “just calm down”. Whatever the case, it can make you feel as if you’re alone.

Just know that, you are never alone, even if you feel that way.

There’s always ways to receive help, talk to people who understand you, and surround yourself with others who are supportive of you.

Seeking a therapist to discuss things with is a great way to start the process of healing.

The silver lining in all of this is that panic attacks are treatable.

They can be helped through cognitive behavioral therapy. We can uncover the reasons behind your panic attacks, which is a huge step. When you want to overcome something, you need to understand it.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Dealing with Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, in other words, social phobia, is a condition in which social interactions cause one to have irrational, intense, and persistent anxiety. People who feel this way have a fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in social or performance situations. The worry is so great that physical symptoms may occur like blushing, sweating, stuttering, etc.

“You can’t go back to change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – CS Lewis

Everyone may have an inkling of social anxiety at times, the thing to look at is whether this affects your quality of life. For instance, you may feel anxiety meeting a new person or a group of people one night out. Or, you have a job interview or performance which is making you feel anxious. These are normal feelings to have in life. However, if your social anxiety is so great that you don’t go out to meet that new person, or don’t show up for that interview, then your anxiety may be doing yourself a disservice.

In another example, maybe you feel anxiety when you’re pressured to do something socially that you don’t wish to do. Holidays, family or work events can be a few instances in which this occurs.

Also, don’t forget about social media and how that generally makes you feel.

Everyone is comparing themselves to the masses, all the time. Do you feel pressured to post to social media daily? Maybe you receive negative comments online or are afraid of what the general public posts on your pages. How is your mood after scrolling through timelines? What about your body image? Does it change after being on social platforms? You may feel anxiety when your friends/coworkers/other people post pictures of you that you didn’t sign off on on their profiles. The many ways that anxiety can stem from social media is massive.

So what causes social anxiety in the first place?

While the reasons can be many, below are just a few causes:

  • bullying
  • sexual abuse
  • family conflict
  • traumatic social interaction in the past
  • sometimes, it can be learned from seeing your parents have it

Social anxiety is treatable, so there is hope.

Through therapy, you can learn to minimize your anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Counseling Services for NYers

Counseling Services for NYers: Chana Pfeifer in W. Hempstead, NY:

I am available for telehealth appointments (Zoom or FaceTime) or in-person appointments, as long as we’re all symptom-free in my office or in comfortable rocking chairs in my backyard.

These are really really hard times. I don’t think there’s anyone who is getting through this unscathed. It would be my honor to assist you and give you guidance to get through this difficult time. Feel free to be in touch.

Counseling Services for NYers: seeing individuals, couples and pairs. Get professional support when you need it. Secure & confidential. Payments can be made via credit card, Zelle, and Chase QuickPay.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more information on counseling services: