First Date Musts

First Date Musts (by Jay Shetty on the Lisa Bilyeu Show)

Jay Shetty has joined Lisa to discuss his latest book, 8 Rules of Love which includes so much more than just 8 rules. Jay Shetty shares the lessons and experiences he’s picked up from his marriage and time coaching others on how to have deeper and more meaningful relationships.

First Date Musts – The Most Important Questions You MUST Ask Your Partner

The early days in a brand new relationship really make a difference in who you choose as a long term partner.

A great quote from this video:  “We’re holding onto a particular picture of love. We have an image of what love is and don’t have an image of what it could be or how it grows.”

These 3 date rules (by Jay Shetty) don’t have to be done in any particular order, as long as they’re researched ahead of commitment / marriage.

3 Date Research:

1. DO I LIKE THIS PERSON’S PERSONALITY?

Do I get along with this person? Do I like their company? Are they interesting and fun to hang out with? Are you willing to spend 200+ hours with this person?

Most of the time on a first date, we’re more likely to be focused on if the other person likes us. Instead, we should be evaluating how they make us feel when around them, or if we share the same morals or life outlooks.

2. DO I RESPECT THEIR VALUES?

We don’t often understand our partner’s true values until much later. (This is why premarital counseling is so essential. Find more info. about my premarital therapy here.) We may not prioritize things in the same way.

What do they care about the most? You can find this out by listening to what they talk about the most. They’ll show you what they care about. Also, make a list of your own priorities.

3. Am I committed to helping them achieve their goals?

Am I ready (at any level) to help this person achieve their goals? Am I willing to be there with them and cheer them on? Do I want to see them and support them in attaining their dreams?

These 3 first date questions will help you assess who’s right for you.

If you’re looking for more information on talk therapy/counseling, contact me today.

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How to be more interesting with every person you meet.

Dates can be fun & exciting, but they also can be uncomfortable & intimidating. If you’re single and feel as though the act of going on dates is getting stale / boring, learn to shake up the conversation. Just remember: a date shouldn’t be a job interview with cocktails. And, let’s face it… it can be hard to get to know someone without sounding like you’re interrogating them.

To create a natural conversation that ebbs and flows, make sure to balance what you ask them about. Try not to overload them with important life questions all at once. The goal is to enjoy the time spent with this new person, even if it doesn’t work out. Appreciate the experience and have a laugh. In the meantime, you can practice your conversation skills.

How to level up your life and be more interesting with every person you meet (by Vanessa Van Edwards):

“If you want to be a more interesting person, you have to do interesting things.” – VANESSA VAN EDWARDS

Here’s how you can level up your life & be more interesting with every person you meet (read the full article from Science of People here – it’s really great!)
  • Ask someone about the weirdest thing they have ever eaten.
  • What’s on their bucket list & if you can help them accomplish any of it.
  • Ask someone about the movie that most changed their life.
  • Ask someone about a new skill they are learning.
  • Ask someone about their personal passion project.
  • What their New Year’s Resolutions were & if they accomplished them.

Break auto-pilot & social scripts with your questions — you’ll be rewarded with great answers.

First-date conversation starters are the secret to avoiding awkward silences and nervous laughter. Expressing genuine interest in your date and bringing up intriguing topics can make for an unforgettable memory (or, at the very least, a date that isn’t boring).

As you explore these questions, don’t forget to share details about your life. Research shows that self-disclosure makes you more likable and helps others feel comfortable opening up to you.

The most common relationship dealbreakers.

The most common relationship dealbreakers (h/t to Justin Lehmiller).

“A study of 2,445 heterosexual, European adults aged 18-45 rated how likely they would be to reject a potential partner based on each characteristic.

Ratings for short- and long-term relationships were collected separately.

The results yielded 7 distinct factors that constituted the most common relationship dealbreakers.

These factors were:
  1. Unambitious (indecisive, no sense of purpose)
  2. Hostile (unfriendly, grumpy)
  3. Filthy (dirty, stinky)
  4. Arrogant (egotistical, overly opinionated)
  5. Unattractive (physically unappealing)
  6. Clingy (insistent, eager to commit)
  7. Abusive (aggressive, violent)”

Do you agree with any/all of these relationship dealbreakers?

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Original source from Chris Williamson.