Category: Couples Therapy

First Date Musts

First Date Musts (by Jay Shetty on the Lisa Bilyeu Show)

Jay Shetty has joined Lisa to discuss his latest book, 8 Rules of Love which includes so much more than just 8 rules. Jay Shetty shares the lessons and experiences he’s picked up from his marriage and time coaching others on how to have deeper and more meaningful relationships.

First Date Musts – The Most Important Questions You MUST Ask Your Partner

The early days in a brand new relationship really make a difference in who you choose as a long term partner.

A great quote from this video:  “We’re holding onto a particular picture of love. We have an image of what love is and don’t have an image of what it could be or how it grows.”

These 3 date rules (by Jay Shetty) don’t have to be done in any particular order, as long as they’re researched ahead of commitment / marriage.

3 Date Research:

1. DO I LIKE THIS PERSON’S PERSONALITY?

Do I get along with this person? Do I like their company? Are they interesting and fun to hang out with? Are you willing to spend 200+ hours with this person?

Most of the time on a first date, we’re more likely to be focused on if the other person likes us. Instead, we should be evaluating how they make us feel when around them, or if we share the same morals or life outlooks.

2. DO I RESPECT THEIR VALUES?

We don’t often understand our partner’s true values until much later. (This is why premarital counseling is so essential. Find more info. about my premarital therapy here.) We may not prioritize things in the same way.

What do they care about the most? You can find this out by listening to what they talk about the most. They’ll show you what they care about. Also, make a list of your own priorities.

3. Am I committed to helping them achieve their goals?

Am I ready (at any level) to help this person achieve their goals? Am I willing to be there with them and cheer them on? Do I want to see them and support them in attaining their dreams?

These 3 first date questions will help you assess who’s right for you.

If you’re looking for more information on talk therapy/counseling, contact me today.

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Find a partner who…

“Find a partner who not only wants to love you right, but is also emotionally prepared to create a home.

Your natural attraction is just the beginning, you both know that the health of your relationship is directly linked to your personal growth and the healing of old reactive patterns.

Internally, you both feel ready to share the work of love and to build a culture of calm communication.

The way you laugh as one, and handle storms with gentleness helps you cultivate a nurturing environment.

You understand that you each have your own identity that moves like a river ~ always changing, expanding, and evolving, but the beauty of your love rests on the fact that you have both intentionally decided to flow together, side by side.”

– find a partner quote by Diego Perez, instagram @yung_pueblo

#1 NYT Bestselling Author
New Book: The Way Forward ☀️
Co-Founder @wisdomventures
info@yungpueblo.com
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Is it normal for love to change?  It’s completely normal for romantic relationships to change and evolve over time. All relationships go through different phases (like the infatuation-filled honeymoon phase) as well as ups and downs. It’s not only possible to cope with these changes, but also to embrace and even appreciate them. (source)

Brief Meditation Before Marital Counseling with Chana Pfeifer

Brief Meditation Before Imago Marital Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, New York

Before starting Imago relationship therapy with a married couple in NY, Chana Pfeifer gives them a couple of minutes to breathe, connect, and center themselves into the present moment. This gives both people a chance to ground themselves and get into their intentions with the therapy session.

Brief Meditation:  One thing I appreciate about you as my partner/spouse/husband/wife is…..

Awareness and communication are what makes a connected relationship work. If you feel you are having difficulty communicating with your partner, it would be beneficial to have a therapist guide you in the process.

Sometimes, couples become so emotionally disconnected and stuck in negative patterns that it is difficult to talk openly and honestly. If this feels like you, then reaching out to a professional social worker could be a great step toward having a connected relationship.

Chana Pfeifer is currently seeing clients through telehealth virtual platforms and in-person in Nassau County, Long Island.

For additional information on counseling, call (516) 592-1107

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Parent-Child Dialogue – Felt Experience – Imago Therapy

Parent-Child Dialogue – Felt Experience – Imago Therapy Online

Here’s a clip with Chana in an Imago Therapy session online with a couple who was about to practice the “Parent-Child Dialogue,” a communication technique in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This is not about parent-shaming or parent-blaming, this is about our felt experience. As parents we know that we cannot be perfect. Some of our children may experience us giving them too much attention or not enough attention, and as parents, we do our best. So again, the focus of this dialogue is your felt experience.

Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.

IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY TEACHES COUPLES HOW TO:

  • examine each childhood upbringing & how this formed their ‘Imago’
  • resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
  • create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple

If you’re interested in Imago Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, contact her today.

“As a certified Imago therapist, I love what I do. My specialty is relationships. I deal with a variety of people, whether it is navigating couples’ challenging relationships, separation, blended families, or geriatrics. I feel the variety of many issues keeps my skills sharp.”

Why do couples fight?

Why do couples fight?

According to Dr. Harville Hendrix, (one of the founders of Imago Relationship Therapy along with his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt), after looking at couples for 8 years, came to a conclusion that they fight for a core reason:

“They experience a disconnection from each other and want the connection back, so they project the responsibility of that disconnection onto each other; each couple then defends against taking responsibility for it, which of course increases the disconnection. So fundamentally, it’s sort of a paradox that couples fight in order to get connected, and the fighting actually results in having them become more disconnected. Basically, couples fight because of a disconnect and they don’t like it.”

If you live on Long Island and would like more information on Imago Relationship Therapy, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

You can also call Chana at (516) 592-1107.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York

COUNSELING FOR COUPLES IN A SAFE, SUPPORTIVE PLACE

If your relationship is distressed, a Long Island marriage counselor can provide you with a greater understanding of your relationship, a way to use your challenges as the opportunities they are for deeper connection, and a road map for repair.

The most common relationship dealbreakers.

The most common relationship dealbreakers (h/t to Justin Lehmiller).

“A study of 2,445 heterosexual, European adults aged 18-45 rated how likely they would be to reject a potential partner based on each characteristic.

Ratings for short- and long-term relationships were collected separately.

The results yielded 7 distinct factors that constituted the most common relationship dealbreakers.

These factors were:
  1. Unambitious (indecisive, no sense of purpose)
  2. Hostile (unfriendly, grumpy)
  3. Filthy (dirty, stinky)
  4. Arrogant (egotistical, overly opinionated)
  5. Unattractive (physically unappealing)
  6. Clingy (insistent, eager to commit)
  7. Abusive (aggressive, violent)”

Do you agree with any/all of these relationship dealbreakers?

Let me know what you think on Facebook!

Original source from Chris Williamson.

West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW is a West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist

“Imago” is the Latin word for “Image” – specifically, your image of love.

Many of us choose a partner subconsciously to attempt to recreate frustrating situations from our past so that we can solve and heal unwanted relationship patterns.

Imago Relationship Therapy uses frustration / conflict as a way to lead to healing – and ultimately a closer, more meaningful relationship.

Couples Therapy:

You won’t always know what your partner needs, nor can they fully know what you need without communicating it. Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.

IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY TEACHES COUPLES HOW TO:

  • examine each childhood upbringing and how this has formed their ‘Imago’
  • resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
  • create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple

Imago relationship therapy is designed to help partners / friends / colleagues / family members work out misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and rediscover ways to bond.

Individual Therapy & Paired Therapy Available Also

Relationships Are Complex. Learn To Manage Your Partnership With Confidence.

West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist office is located at:
422 Berrywood Ct., West Hempstead, New York 11552

Other locations available in Miller Place, NY (Holistic Counseling Center of Long Island with David Weber, LCSW) and Huntington, NY (Huntington Relationship Center with Robin Newman, LCSW).

Call for additional information:  (516) 592-1107

Appts Available In Person & Online.

The 4 Pillars of a Partnership:

While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection. Below you can find what the 4 pillars of a partnership entail.

Can you be your true self around your partner?  Is your dynamic mostly drama-free and peaceful?  Do you have a friendship, as well as feelings of lust?  Do you work well as a team?  Is your partner inspiring you to be a better person / supporting you emotionally?  Is there trust and open communication?

Here’s a checklist for a sustainable relationship from Amy Chan / Breakup Bootcamp Founder (@missamychan on Instagram). She helps people create healthy relationships.

The 4 Pillars of a Partnership:

  1. Chemistry – connection and attraction

  2. Compatibility – alignment of values and vision

  3. Timing – if it’s the perfect person at the wrong time, it’s the wrong person

  4. Mutuality – two people who are equally invested in building the relationship and have the ability and capacity to do so

Spend a few minutes reflecting on how each of these apply to your relationship. Chances are, you won’t have everything in balance, but that’s ok. The lesson here isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues, or obsess about the things that are lacking. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. Keep in mind, that’s there’s always room for improvement in any relationship.

If you are looking for more information about Imago relationship counseling on Long Island, contact us.

With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

CHANA PFEIFER, LCSW IN WEST HEMPSTEAD, NY

(516) 592-1107

Individual, premarital, and couples therapy provided in a confidential and supportive atmosphere.

Offices available in:

West Hempstead, NY – Chana Pfeifer
Huntington, NY – Robin Newman
Miller Place, NY – David Weber

Detachment

Detachment from a person / situation can best be described as a process of letting go. It’s not easy; it takes some time to learn how to do it. But with a little practice, you may experience your anxiety subsiding and your relationships becoming more fulfilling.

The process of detachment will help you lead a happier life overall.

detachment

Here’s what Chopra.com has to say about it:

Many people are attached to relationships, money, social status, jobs, and more. Basically, anything you can use to describe who you are can be a sign of attachment. I might say: I am a blonde, mother, wife, daughter, and sister who is physically healthy and socially vibrant. I am a teacher, a writer, a speaker, and a student. However, if my brother dies and I was no longer a sister, I am still me. If I change what I do and stop writing, I am still me.

Recognizing that the “me” remains without all the descriptors is the goal.

How to Detach: 5 Steps

1. Observe your mind: Become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think. What things or descriptors do you identify with most? Become a student of self and heighten your awareness of where attachment happens more frequently for you. Recognize attachment comes with an emotional charge. Notice where you feel this in your physical body. It’s different for each individual and learning your patterns is a useful tool in creating change.

2. Distinguish between ego and actuality: Your ego might tell you that not getting the job you want has ruined your career. The actuality is: you are disappointed because you didn’t get something you wanted. Nothing has changed except your thoughts about your future potential. The actual situation is the same as it was prior to not getting the job and you can still advance your career.

3. Embrace uncertainty: Only a willingness to embrace the unknown provides security. What Deepak Chopra says about detachment: “Those who seek security in the exterior world chase it for a lifetime. By letting go of your attachment to the illusion of security, which is really an attachment to the known, you step into the field of all possibilities. This is where you will find true happiness, abundance, and fulfillment.”

4. Meditate on it: Meditation is a vehicle to help your mind release patterns of thought and action that no longer serve you. Spend some time in meditation each day and watch how the patterns in your life begin to change.

5. Don’t beat yourself up for falling into old habits: The first step in making change is recognizing what it is you want to change. Instead of getting frustrated/disappointed when you fall back into an old habit, celebrate that you are now noticing when you repeat the pattern of thought/habit. In time, this will allow you to transform your behavior.

Pre-Marital Counseling for Engaged Couples on Long Island

Chana offers Pre-Marital Counseling for Engaged Couples on Long Island

Whether you’re negotiating how to plan a family, concerned about how to manage finances, or navigating through a 2nd marriage, premarital counseling is the perfect place to discuss all matters related to married life.

Therapy doesn’t always mean a relationship is at its breaking point. Many couples are seeking to address difficult issues before conflict arises.

Every couple that gets engaged should go through premarital counseling. Partners learn how to deal with issues that may arise before they become a problem. This gives couples confidence and peace while stepping into a new chapter of their lives.

Through Imago relationship therapy, couples will learn how to communicate effectively with one another. During sessions with an Imago couples therapist, you may address family origins.

As a counselor, Chana assists couples develop safety and connection within their relationship, such as with:

  • Relationship Goals
  • Things of Importance / Value: friendships, alone time, date nights
  • Conflicts & Communication: learning to argue in the most effective way
  • Sex & Intimacy
  • Finances: bank accounts, paying bills
  • Children / Parenting: if you want children, parenting beliefs & styles
  • Family & Blended Families: visiting times, setting boundaries, holidays
  • Social & Religious Beliefs
  • Making decisions as a couple
  • Vacations – Guy’s/Girl’s Trips
  • Defining Roles, cooking, shopping, cleaning, taking care of finances

Therapy should be viewed as an act of self care / personal maintenance, a sign of maturity, and overall healthiness.

Set yourself up for marital success – Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, to schedule an appointment in-person or online.

Chana Pfeifer provides counselin to individuals, pairs of family members, and couples of all kinds in the Nassau County areas of Long Island, NY including:

Baldwin  Bellmore  Bethpage  Briarwood  Carle Place  Cedarhurst  East Meadow  East Rockaway  Elmont  Farmingdale  Floral Park  Forest Hills  Franklin Square  Freeport  Fresh Meadows  Garden City  Glendale  Hewlett  Hicksville  Howard Beach  Inwood  Jamaica  Kew Gardens  Laurelton  Lawrence  Levittown  Island Park  Little Neck  Long Beach  Lynbrook  Malverne  Manhasset  Massapequa  Merrick  Mineola  New Hyde Park  Oceanside  Ozone Park  Plainview  Richmond Hill  Rockville Centre  Roslyn  Seaford  Uniondale  Valley Stream  Wantagh  Westbury  West Hempstead  Williston Park  Woodhaven  Woodmere

CHANA PFEIFER is one of Long Island’s best marriage counselors that has helped couples achieve greater coping skills to manage life’s stresses & challenges.