Author: Christine

What does emotional manipulation look like?

manipulation

Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behavior, but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.

When someone uses your emotions to get what they want, steer your behavior, or influence your ideals, it’s known as emotional manipulation.

Emotional manipulation can wear many faces. It can come in anger, disappointment, ridicule, or guilt. Gaslighting and love bombing are also forms of emotional manipulation.

Here’s emotional abuse tactics and what they may sound like:

  • Guilt: “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do that.”
  • Criticism: “You never do anything right.”
  • Isolation: “You’re picking your friends and family over me.”
  • Humiliation: “I’ll take you out to eat when you lose some weight.”
  • Threatening: “If you ever do that again, you’ll be sorry.”
  • Blaming: “Look what you made me do.”
  • Accusing: “I know you’re being unfaithful.”
  • Infidelity: “I could do better than you anytime I want.”

Emotional abuse leads to conditions such as:

  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • substance abuse
  • post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

If you feel as though someone is manipulating your emotions, it’s OK to step away from the situation to gather your thoughts. Practice stating your own needs, desires, and boundaries clearly and without apology. The more comfortable you are with direct communication, the easier it is to spot manipulation from others.

Dealing with emotional manipulation is difficult because it can lead you to question yourself and your judgment.

When emotional abuse negatively impacts your life, consider seeking support & guidance from a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. Contact us.

Pre-Marital Counseling for Engaged Couples on Long Island

Chana offers Pre-Marital Counseling for Engaged Couples on Long Island

Whether you’re negotiating how to plan a family, concerned about how to manage finances, or navigating through a 2nd marriage, premarital counseling is the perfect place to discuss all matters related to married life.

Therapy doesn’t always mean a relationship is at its breaking point. Many couples are seeking to address difficult issues before conflict arises.

Every couple that gets engaged should go through premarital counseling. Partners learn how to deal with issues that may arise before they become a problem. This gives couples confidence and peace while stepping into a new chapter of their lives.

Through Imago relationship therapy, couples will learn how to communicate effectively with one another. During sessions with an Imago couples therapist, you may address family origins.

As a counselor, Chana assists couples develop safety and connection within their relationship, such as with:

  • Relationship Goals
  • Things of Importance / Value: friendships, alone time, date nights
  • Conflicts & Communication: learning to argue in the most effective way
  • Sex & Intimacy
  • Finances: bank accounts, paying bills
  • Children / Parenting: if you want children, parenting beliefs & styles
  • Family & Blended Families: visiting times, setting boundaries, holidays
  • Social & Religious Beliefs
  • Making decisions as a couple
  • Vacations – Guy’s/Girl’s Trips
  • Defining Roles, cooking, shopping, cleaning, taking care of finances

Therapy should be viewed as an act of self care / personal maintenance, a sign of maturity, and overall healthiness.

Set yourself up for marital success – Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, to schedule an appointment in-person or online.

Chana Pfeifer provides counselin to individuals, pairs of family members, and couples of all kinds in the Nassau County areas of Long Island, NY including:

Baldwin  Bellmore  Bethpage  Briarwood  Carle Place  Cedarhurst  East Meadow  East Rockaway  Elmont  Farmingdale  Floral Park  Forest Hills  Franklin Square  Freeport  Fresh Meadows  Garden City  Glendale  Hewlett  Hicksville  Howard Beach  Inwood  Jamaica  Kew Gardens  Laurelton  Lawrence  Levittown  Island Park  Little Neck  Long Beach  Lynbrook  Malverne  Manhasset  Massapequa  Merrick  Mineola  New Hyde Park  Oceanside  Ozone Park  Plainview  Richmond Hill  Rockville Centre  Roslyn  Seaford  Uniondale  Valley Stream  Wantagh  Westbury  West Hempstead  Williston Park  Woodhaven  Woodmere

CHANA PFEIFER is one of Long Island’s best marriage counselors that has helped couples achieve greater coping skills to manage life’s stresses & challenges.

A Grief Counselor To Help You Handle The Holidays With Ease

Complicated feelings typically arise during the holidays under any circumstance, but struggling with feelings of grief can make this time even more challenging. Grief counselor Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, can give you the support you need to get through the holidays with grace.

Holidays are difficult for people who’ve experienced the death of a loved one.

Any type of sound, sight and/or smell can trigger feelings of sadness, anger, emptiness, anxiety… the list goes on.

While you can’t change the situation for what it is, what you can control is your inner state of being. Does this mean not crying or feeling down? Of course not. Let yourself cry if you need it. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.

What you can control during times of grief is how you take care of your body & mind, so be realistic in your expectations during this time.

Grief can consume most of your physical and emotional energy no matter what the season. The holidays place additional demands and stress on your life. Respect what your body / mind is telling you. If you feel tired, take care of yourself as if you were physically sick. The mind and body work together.

It’s important to be aware of your limitations so you don’t overextend yourself, causing more stress. Consider changing your traditions to reduce stress. Limit social / family commitments to suit your available energy. Re-evaluate priorities and forego unnecessary activities and obligations. Keeping busy may distract you from your grief temporarily, but it may increase your stress too.

Handling the Holidays – Grief Counseling Services in Nassau County, New York.

There is no right way to move through this time of year, but it can be helpful to think about what values, traditions, and memories you want to share. Remember that grief has no expiration date— it is okay to feel how you feel.

Self-care and mindfulness are vital tools in navigating the holidays. Give yourself permission to rest. Allow feelings to come and go; the holidays don’t need to be perfect (they won’t be), so be gentle with yourself.

CHANA PFEIFER provides guidance & support so that you can find peace throughout the holiday season.

If you need someone to vent to with 100% confidentiality, or you would like help discovering coping strategies for dealing with the holidays, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today. In-person and telehealth services available.

Couples Therapy in West Hempstead, NY

Couples Therapy in West Hempstead, New York with Chana Pfeifer

Local Long Island Counseling Services – Speak with an Imago Relationship Therapist – Get the Support You Need Today to Create a Future You Desire.

Any two people who want to grow in their relationship can seek counseling together. You don’t have to be married or experiencing huge relationship problems to benefit from a professional’s support and advice.

Couples choose to go to relationship counseling for a variety of reasons, including:

  • Transitions in life causing tension (job changes, financial difficulties, moving).
  • Overcoming feelings of dissatisfaction in their relationship (no fun, passion, closeness, intimacy).
  • Addressing serious relationship challenges (infidelity, health problems, abuse).
  • Preparation for marriage with premarital therapy.

If you and your partner are experiencing any issues in your relationship or you just want to work on yourself and determine how to improve your relationship health, working with a relationship therapist can help.

Therapy helps couples discover underlying issues while providing effective tools for preventing future issues to happen.

Chana will help each partner make clear what s/he needs, so both feel safe to share it. She assists couples in difficult times come into safety and connection.

For Couples Therapy in West Hempstead, New York: Call (516) 592-1107

Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW. She is seeing clients in West Hempstead, NY and also through telehealth services.

Premarital Counseling Questions Couples Should Talk About:

Below are a few premarital counseling questions couples should talk about regarding: Property / Land / Estate Rights

What happens when I put my new spouse’s name on my real property? What happens when I don’t?

Who’s home will you or your new spouse live in?

How will this be handled if you are the first to die and it is legally your house?

How will it be handled if you are the second to die and it is not legally your house?

Do you really want to trust adult step-children to protect your right to live somewhere?

How can the right to live somewhere that is not your property be secured and protected?

Is your pre-marital retirement account 100% yours if you get married?

How do you protect your retirement accounts for your named beneficiaries or children?

Is it possible to split beneficiary designations on retirement accounts? How?

Can you give your new spouse the income from your retirement account but keep the principal for your children?

How can you benefit your new spouse with your retirement accounts without risking your new spouse changing the beneficiary designations?

What happens to the furniture in your house that belonged to your deceased spouse?

Are you really going to depend on verbal agreements with a deceased person to protect you in all these matters?

Who will hold your property Power of Attorney, the new spouse or an adult child?

There’s a myriad of things to go over before getting married and a great place to work out these issues is in premarital counseling.

Get clarity around your expectations / thoughts surrounding things like:

  • Children
  • Home type and location
  • Career paths
  • Financial Goals
  • Leisure life
  • Religion
  • Boundaries with family

Contact Chana Pfeifer – she is currently seeing clients through telehealth virtual platforms and in-person (socially-distanced).

Follow Chana on Facebook!

5 Financial Topics To Consider Before Getting Married

Even though getting married can be one of the happiest moments of our lives, it should also be a reminder that marriage is a legal union as much as it is a romantic one. Below are 5 financial topics to consider before getting married:

It’s important to consider the financial implications before tying the knot.

Giving consideration to these issues before the wedding makes things easier for the relationship. Through pre-marital counseling, you have a chance to discuss all the aspects of marriage and what you both want out of it. It’s wise to plan ahead. Consulting with a pre-marital counselor is always a good idea to make sure all your bases are covered, so that you can go into marriage confident and assured.

Here’s 5 financial topics to consider before getting married:

1. Prenuptial Agreement: This is probably one of the most common subjects to consider before getting married. A prenuptial agreement, or postnuptial if signed after the wedding ceremony, defines what happens upon divorce, instead of the state. Common topics covered in these agreements are how assets are divided upon divorce, protection of family inheritances from past relationships, separation of debt that is not jointly shared, spousal support, and characterization of incomes and property if they vary greatly between the spouses. Spouses considering a prenuptial, or premarital agreement should consult with a family law attorney to ensure it is prepared correctly and complies with the relevant laws in your state.

2. Money: It’s important to make sure that you and your soon-to-be spouse have an agreement with regard to money and finances. Many choose to have joint bank accounts because it makes it easier to track finances, while others choose to keep funds separate to maintain their financial independence. Having joint accounts requires close communication to keep each other abreast of spending. It also makes it convenient for shared expenses such as a mortgage or insurance, and it makes access to an account easier should a spouse suddenly pass away. On the other hand, keeping accounts separate makes it less difficult in the event of a divorce and each person has immediate access to funds. However, you’ll have to determine how to split shared expenses if you go this route. No matter how finances are handled, communication is key.

3: Taxes: Getting married can have a significant effect on your taxes. There are a few decisions couples need to make before the big day. For example, married couples can incur a tax penalty, sometimes paying more than they would if they were single. This happens when the tax brackets, standard deductions and other elements of the tax code don’t double upon marriage. This means that you may actually pay more than you would if you were single. If the salaries of both individuals vary greatly, then combining the incomes may result in a lower tax bracket, therefore, saving you money. But, when incomes are very similar, it’s possible you may incur a higher tax obligation by filing jointly. There are essentially two options for married couples: ‘married filing jointly’ and ‘married filing separately’. Rarely do couples save money when choosing to file ‘married filing separately’. Consulting a CPA or other tax professional is wise to determine which option best fits your financial situation.

4. Estate Planning: While this is often done once married, it’s definitely something to consider or give thought to prior to. Have you and your future spouse considered what should happen with your estate in the future? There are a variety of key documents that can ensure your loved ones are taken care of in the event that something happens to you. It’s critical to plan your estate with your significant other in mind by selecting beneficiaries, determining shared and separate assets, and creating health care directives. The four most important estate planning documents are Last Will and Testament, Living Trust, Advanced Directive and Power of Attorney.

5. Name Change: Of the many changes we experience when we get married, and one of the most visible, is a change of last name. While one does not legally need to change their name, it is something to consider and discuss before the wedding. First, you must have the new name on the marriage certificate. Second, you’ll need to change your identification documents such as your Social Security card, driver’s license or state-issued ID, vehicle title and registration, passport, bank accounts, etc. In order to do this you will need to present the marriage certificate with your new last name. Then, use your new last name on everything you do moving forward.

Marriage is as much a commitment as it is a legal contract, so it’s critical to consider all aspects before getting married.
Rights and responsibilities vary by state, but the above-mentioned financial topics to consider before getting married are important for everyone to think about ahead of time. Consulting with a family law attorney and pre-marital counselor can put your mind at ease, reach out today for an appointment with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Nassau County, NY.

Chana Pfeifer is currently seeing clients through telehealth virtual platforms and in-person (socially-distanced).

Long Island counselor helping couples before getting married.

Long Island marriage counselor Chana Pfeifer is helping couples before getting married…

The key to a successful marriage is finding the right person (for you). But how do you know if it’s right for sure before you walk down the aisle?

That’s where premarital counseling comes in. These are services for couples who want to make sure their relationship is off to a good start before they commit for the long-term.

Here’s how premarital counseling can help couples thinking about getting married:

1. Learn to communicate effectively.

One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. But it’s not always easy to communicate effectively; we all know how excruciating it can be not being understood by your partner. Counselors can help you learn how to communicate with one other so that you can avoid misunderstandings and jump back from arguments quickly and without resentment!

2. Resolve any on-going conflicts.

Even the happiest of couples argue from time to time. But if you’re constantly fighting, it’s a sign that something is wrong and it’s not being resolved. Counselors can help mediate an argument so you can resolve your differences and move on from the disagreement without causing more damage to the relationship.

3. Set realistic marriage expectations.

It’s important to have realistic expectations for your relationship. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment! Counselors can help you understand and express what you both expect from the marriage so that you can adjust your expectations accordingly, and be on the same page. They can help you set financial goals, decide how to raise your children, and figure out where you want to live. By planning for a successful future, you can make sure that your marriage gets off to a good start.

4. Mentally prepare for the wedding itself.

Wedding planning can be stressful, and pre-marital couples therapy can help you get through it. A counselor will help you figure out what’s important to you and your partner on the big day. You can clarify who you want (or not want) to invite, what will go on, where it will take place, when and why you want to.

If you’re considering getting married, counselors can help you prepare for a lifetime of happiness. By getting counseling before you tie the knot, you can avoid many of the problems that can ruin a marriage.

If you’re not sure you’re ready for marriage, counseling can help you figure it out. A therapist will ask you questions about your relationship and what you’re expecting from marriage. They’ll also give you some time to think about your decision so that you can be sure you’re making the right choice.

Counseling can help you communicate better, resolve conflicts, understand one other better, set realistic expectations, and plan for a successful future.

Helping couples before getting married – if you want to make sure your relationship is off to a good start, consider getting premarital counseling from Long Island marriage therapist Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Imago relationship therapy for couples: new ways to communicate.

Imago relationship therapy for couples: learn new ways to communicate.

You won’t always know what your partner needs, nor can they fully know what you need without communicating it.

Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.

When Long Island couples sit in a therapy session, they will engage in Imago Dialogue.

Here is an example of how conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy works.

This type of dialogue can be applied to appreciations, like in this video, and also for dealing with disagreements. It can be used for couples, but really for any type of relationship, romantic or not.

“Am I Hearing You Correctly?” Imago Relationship Therapy

Here’s Long Island couple takes cues from social worker Chana Pfeifer on how to use Imago Relationship Therapy techniques to effectively listen to one another. The video, “Am I Hearing You Correctly?” is about receiving.

This type of therapy teaches couples to lead with compassion and communicate their needs while not blaming one another for the problems in the relationship. Couples are guided through the process of learning ways of expressing themselves so that things become better for both involved.

Altogether, Imago relationship therapy teaches couples how to:
  • examine each childhood upbringing & how this has formed their ‘Imago’
  • resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
  • create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple

Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW for more information.

Like Chana on Facebook.

Counseling To Help Women Suffering From Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a serious and often misunderstood condition that occurs to some women after childbirth.

The postpartum period generally includes the first 4 – 6 weeks after birth, but PPD can also develop during pregnancy and up to 1 year after giving birth, so don’t discount your feelings if they’re happening outside of the typical postpartum period.

Many women don’t seek out postpartum depression counseling because they aren’t sure how counseling could help them or if it’s worth the cost.

Your body and mind go through many changes during and after pregnancy. If you feel empty, emotionless, sad most of the time, or you feel like you don’t love or care for your baby, you might have postpartum depression.

How do I know if I need counseling for postpartum depression?

Here’s a list of some signs and symptoms of postpartum depression:

  • feeling sad most of the time / cry often
  • insomnia
  • loss of appetite
  • intense irritability
  • worrying excessively or feeling on edge
  • difficulty bonding with baby
  • lack of interest in your baby
  • thoughts of hurting your baby
  • feeling like you don’t want your baby
  • trouble with concentration / memory
  • you don’t enjoy activities that used to make you happy
  • thoughts of suicide or wishing you were dead

Some people feel ashamed about their symptoms or feel they are terrible parents for feeling the way they do. You’re not the only person who feels this way, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.

Counseling services are available if you feel that you need them. If you experience postpartum depression (PPD), then the best thing for you to do is speak with someone who can help.

Counseling can be helpful in many ways:

● Helping women deal with their fears
● Discussing how they’ll handle responsibilities
● Teaching new mothers to care for themselves & their children

What should I expect at my first appointment?

Your therapist will spend time getting to know you. Your counselor may ask questions about whether or not certain things happened during pregnancy—did anything stand out? Did anything happen during labor itself? How has life been since becoming a parent? Do any particular issues come up for either one of them?

These are all important questions that help therapists form an idea of what direction they might take when helping clients deal with postpartum depression symptoms such as anxiety attacks, loss of interest in life, sleeplessness, etc.

If you’re struggling with PPD, a counselor can help you learn how to cope with these feelings and communicate better with others in your life. Counseling can also help those who care about someone dealing with PPD by teaching them how best to support their loved one during this difficult time.

Counseling is an important way to address depression.

Counseling is important in treating postpartum depression because it helps you learn how to cope with your feelings and manage your time, energy, relationships and responsibilities. It can also help you develop strategies that will keep the symptoms of postpartum depression from interfering with your life or the lives of your family members.

If you or someone you know is struggling with postpartum depression, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW about getting help right away.