Category: Individual Therapy
Find a partner who…
“Find a partner who not only wants to love you right, but is also emotionally prepared to create a home.
Your natural attraction is just the beginning, you both know that the health of your relationship is directly linked to your personal growth and the healing of old reactive patterns.
Internally, you both feel ready to share the work of love and to build a culture of calm communication.
The way you laugh as one, and handle storms with gentleness helps you cultivate a nurturing environment.
You understand that you each have your own identity that moves like a river ~ always changing, expanding, and evolving, but the beauty of your love rests on the fact that you have both intentionally decided to flow together, side by side.”
– find a partner quote by Diego Perez, instagram @yung_pueblo
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Is it normal for love to change? It’s completely normal for romantic relationships to change and evolve over time. All relationships go through different phases (like the infatuation-filled honeymoon phase) as well as ups and downs. It’s not only possible to cope with these changes, but also to embrace and even appreciate them. (source)
Handling Distress with Radical Acceptance to Stay Balanced
Sometimes you’ll run into a problem that’s simply out of your control. It can be easy to think, “This isn’t fair..” or “I shouldn’t have this problem..” That kind of mindset only prolongs the pain and the problem. Instead of focusing on your negative emotions, practice radical acceptance in the present moment.
Example: you are in horrible traffic on your way home from work. Instead of becoming belligerent about the situation you are literally stuck in, focus on how you can enjoy this very moment for what it is. Do you listen to a long but intellectual podcast? Do you call someone you haven’t spoken with in a while? Spin the negative situation into a positive and you’ll practice radical acceptance for what it is.
Pain on its own can be difficult. But it’s only when you don’t accept it that it turns into suffering.
Practicing non-attachment does not mean not feeling your emotions. Rather, it refers to an intention of not allowing your pain to turn into suffering.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Radical acceptance refers to a healthier way of thinking during already stressful situations. Instead of focusing on how you’d like something / someone to be different, recognize and accept the situation as it is right now. Remember: accepting is not the same as liking or condoning it.
When a person utilizes denial or another defense mechanism, they often end up feeling worse and in more distress because they’re not accepting the reality of the situation. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you see the present moment for what it is and look at it more objectively, rather than purely emotionally.
Learning to accept problems (as they are right now) that are out of your control, will lead to less anxiety, anger, and sadness while you’re dealing with them.
Enjoy The Moment
“20 years from now you’d give anything to be this exact age, exactly this healthy, in this exact moment. Take a second to enjoy it.”
— Richard Webster
Let’s attempt to give ourselves a reason to just be here, existing in the present moment.
Think about how many times your presence has been hijacked by you focusing on worries or regrets around problems.
Take a couple of minutes out of your day, put down your phone, relax your eyes, and enjoy a few deep and slow breaths. Listen to what’s around you, whether peaceful or hectic. Slow down your heart rate and take a deep breath for a minute, knowing that whatever you may be going through at this time, will pass.
What we truly have is this moment. You must find a way to enjoy it.
How to be more interesting with every person you meet.
Dates can be fun & exciting, but they also can be uncomfortable & intimidating. If you’re single and feel as though the act of going on dates is getting stale / boring, learn to shake up the conversation. Just remember: a date shouldn’t be a job interview with cocktails. And, let’s face it… it can be hard to get to know someone without sounding like you’re interrogating them.
To create a natural conversation that ebbs and flows, make sure to balance what you ask them about. Try not to overload them with important life questions all at once. The goal is to enjoy the time spent with this new person, even if it doesn’t work out. Appreciate the experience and have a laugh. In the meantime, you can practice your conversation skills.
How to level up your life and be more interesting with every person you meet (by Vanessa Van Edwards):
“If you want to be a more interesting person, you have to do interesting things.” – VANESSA VAN EDWARDS
Here’s how you can level up your life & be more interesting with every person you meet (read the full article from Science of People here – it’s really great!)
- Ask someone about the weirdest thing they have ever eaten.
- What’s on their bucket list & if you can help them accomplish any of it.
- Ask someone about the movie that most changed their life.
- Ask someone about a new skill they are learning.
- Ask someone about their personal passion project.
- What their New Year’s Resolutions were & if they accomplished them.
Break auto-pilot & social scripts with your questions — you’ll be rewarded with great answers.
First-date conversation starters are the secret to avoiding awkward silences and nervous laughter. Expressing genuine interest in your date and bringing up intriguing topics can make for an unforgettable memory (or, at the very least, a date that isn’t boring).
As you explore these questions, don’t forget to share details about your life. Research shows that self-disclosure makes you more likable and helps others feel comfortable opening up to you.
West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist
Chana Pfeifer, LCSW is a West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist
“Imago” is the Latin word for “Image” – specifically, your image of love.
Many of us choose a partner subconsciously to attempt to recreate frustrating situations from our past so that we can solve and heal unwanted relationship patterns.
Imago Relationship Therapy uses frustration / conflict as a way to lead to healing – and ultimately a closer, more meaningful relationship.
Couples Therapy:
You won’t always know what your partner needs, nor can they fully know what you need without communicating it. Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.
IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY TEACHES COUPLES HOW TO:
- examine each childhood upbringing and how this has formed their ‘Imago’
- resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
- create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple
Imago relationship therapy is designed to help partners / friends / colleagues / family members work out misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and rediscover ways to bond.
Individual Therapy & Paired Therapy Available Also
Relationships Are Complex. Learn To Manage Your Partnership With Confidence.
West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist office is located at:
422 Berrywood Ct., West Hempstead, New York 11552
Other locations available in Miller Place, NY (Holistic Counseling Center of Long Island with David Weber, LCSW) and Huntington, NY (Huntington Relationship Center with Robin Newman, LCSW).
Call for additional information: (516) 592-1107
Appts Available In Person & Online.
Detachment
Detachment from a person / situation can best be described as a process of letting go. It’s not easy; it takes some time to learn how to do it. But with a little practice, you may experience your anxiety subsiding and your relationships becoming more fulfilling.
The process of detachment will help you lead a happier life overall.
Here’s what Chopra.com has to say about it:
Many people are attached to relationships, money, social status, jobs, and more. Basically, anything you can use to describe who you are can be a sign of attachment. I might say: I am a blonde, mother, wife, daughter, and sister who is physically healthy and socially vibrant. I am a teacher, a writer, a speaker, and a student. However, if my brother dies and I was no longer a sister, I am still me. If I change what I do and stop writing, I am still me.
Recognizing that the “me” remains without all the descriptors is the goal.
How to Detach: 5 Steps
1. Observe your mind: Become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think. What things or descriptors do you identify with most? Become a student of self and heighten your awareness of where attachment happens more frequently for you. Recognize attachment comes with an emotional charge. Notice where you feel this in your physical body. It’s different for each individual and learning your patterns is a useful tool in creating change.
2. Distinguish between ego and actuality: Your ego might tell you that not getting the job you want has ruined your career. The actuality is: you are disappointed because you didn’t get something you wanted. Nothing has changed except your thoughts about your future potential. The actual situation is the same as it was prior to not getting the job and you can still advance your career.
3. Embrace uncertainty: Only a willingness to embrace the unknown provides security. What Deepak Chopra says about detachment: “Those who seek security in the exterior world chase it for a lifetime. By letting go of your attachment to the illusion of security, which is really an attachment to the known, you step into the field of all possibilities. This is where you will find true happiness, abundance, and fulfillment.”
4. Meditate on it: Meditation is a vehicle to help your mind release patterns of thought and action that no longer serve you. Spend some time in meditation each day and watch how the patterns in your life begin to change.
5. Don’t beat yourself up for falling into old habits: The first step in making change is recognizing what it is you want to change. Instead of getting frustrated/disappointed when you fall back into an old habit, celebrate that you are now noticing when you repeat the pattern of thought/habit. In time, this will allow you to transform your behavior.
What does emotional manipulation look like?
Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behavior, but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.
When someone uses your emotions to get what they want, steer your behavior, or influence your ideals, it’s known as emotional manipulation.
Emotional manipulation can wear many faces. It can come in anger, disappointment, ridicule, or guilt. Gaslighting and love bombing are also forms of emotional manipulation.
Here’s emotional abuse tactics and what they may sound like:
- Guilt: “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do that.”
- Criticism: “You never do anything right.”
- Isolation: “You’re picking your friends and family over me.”
- Humiliation: “I’ll take you out to eat when you lose some weight.”
- Threatening: “If you ever do that again, you’ll be sorry.”
- Blaming: “Look what you made me do.”
- Accusing: “I know you’re being unfaithful.”
- Infidelity: “I could do better than you anytime I want.”
Emotional abuse leads to conditions such as:
- low self-esteem
- depression
- anxiety
- substance abuse
- post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
If you feel as though someone is manipulating your emotions, it’s OK to step away from the situation to gather your thoughts. Practice stating your own needs, desires, and boundaries clearly and without apology. The more comfortable you are with direct communication, the easier it is to spot manipulation from others.
Dealing with emotional manipulation is difficult because it can lead you to question yourself and your judgment.
When emotional abuse negatively impacts your life, consider seeking support & guidance from a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. Contact us.
A Grief Counselor To Help You Handle The Holidays With Ease
Complicated feelings typically arise during the holidays under any circumstance, but struggling with feelings of grief can make this time even more challenging. Grief counselor Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, can give you the support you need to get through the holidays with grace.
Holidays are difficult for people who’ve experienced the death of a loved one.
Any type of sound, sight and/or smell can trigger feelings of sadness, anger, emptiness, anxiety… the list goes on.
While you can’t change the situation for what it is, what you can control is your inner state of being. Does this mean not crying or feeling down? Of course not. Let yourself cry if you need it. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
What you can control during times of grief is how you take care of your body & mind, so be realistic in your expectations during this time.
Grief can consume most of your physical and emotional energy no matter what the season. The holidays place additional demands and stress on your life. Respect what your body / mind is telling you. If you feel tired, take care of yourself as if you were physically sick. The mind and body work together.
It’s important to be aware of your limitations so you don’t overextend yourself, causing more stress. Consider changing your traditions to reduce stress. Limit social / family commitments to suit your available energy. Re-evaluate priorities and forego unnecessary activities and obligations. Keeping busy may distract you from your grief temporarily, but it may increase your stress too.
Handling the Holidays – Grief Counseling Services in Nassau County, New York.
There is no right way to move through this time of year, but it can be helpful to think about what values, traditions, and memories you want to share. Remember that grief has no expiration date— it is okay to feel how you feel.
Self-care and mindfulness are vital tools in navigating the holidays. Give yourself permission to rest. Allow feelings to come and go; the holidays don’t need to be perfect (they won’t be), so be gentle with yourself.
CHANA PFEIFER provides guidance & support so that you can find peace throughout the holiday season.
Counseling To Help Women Suffering From Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression is a serious and often misunderstood condition that occurs to some women after childbirth.
The postpartum period generally includes the first 4 – 6 weeks after birth, but PPD can also develop during pregnancy and up to 1 year after giving birth, so don’t discount your feelings if they’re happening outside of the typical postpartum period.
Many women don’t seek out postpartum depression counseling because they aren’t sure how counseling could help them or if it’s worth the cost.
Your body and mind go through many changes during and after pregnancy. If you feel empty, emotionless, sad most of the time, or you feel like you don’t love or care for your baby, you might have postpartum depression.
How do I know if I need counseling for postpartum depression?
Here’s a list of some signs and symptoms of postpartum depression:
- feeling sad most of the time / cry often
- insomnia
- loss of appetite
- intense irritability
- worrying excessively or feeling on edge
- difficulty bonding with baby
- lack of interest in your baby
- thoughts of hurting your baby
- feeling like you don’t want your baby
- trouble with concentration / memory
- you don’t enjoy activities that used to make you happy
- thoughts of suicide or wishing you were dead
Some people feel ashamed about their symptoms or feel they are terrible parents for feeling the way they do. You’re not the only person who feels this way, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
Counseling services are available if you feel that you need them. If you experience postpartum depression (PPD), then the best thing for you to do is speak with someone who can help.
Counseling can be helpful in many ways:
● Helping women deal with their fears
● Discussing how they’ll handle responsibilities
● Teaching new mothers to care for themselves & their children
What should I expect at my first appointment?
Your therapist will spend time getting to know you. Your counselor may ask questions about whether or not certain things happened during pregnancy—did anything stand out? Did anything happen during labor itself? How has life been since becoming a parent? Do any particular issues come up for either one of them?
These are all important questions that help therapists form an idea of what direction they might take when helping clients deal with postpartum depression symptoms such as anxiety attacks, loss of interest in life, sleeplessness, etc.
If you’re struggling with PPD, a counselor can help you learn how to cope with these feelings and communicate better with others in your life. Counseling can also help those who care about someone dealing with PPD by teaching them how best to support their loved one during this difficult time.
Counseling is an important way to address depression.
Counseling is important in treating postpartum depression because it helps you learn how to cope with your feelings and manage your time, energy, relationships and responsibilities. It can also help you develop strategies that will keep the symptoms of postpartum depression from interfering with your life or the lives of your family members.