Category: Individual Therapy

Managing stress from a divorce & ways that counseling can help.

Managing Stress From A Divorce: finding healthy ways to cope with counseling.

There are so many things to think about when going through a divorce, and it can be difficult to find the strength to take any action. Even worse, you may feel like you’re completely alone in your pain because nobody really understands what you’re going through.

During this time, counseling can be a lifeline for many people. It’s not just about talking through your problems; it’s about connecting with someone who understands and can help you figure out where to go from here.

Counseling provides support, new perspectives on old issues, and strategies for moving forward into a brighter future.

Separation is never easy. It’s very painful to end a marriage, and it can be even more difficult when there are children involved in the breakup. But remember that you’re not alone—lots of people are going through this right now, and lots of people have gone through it before you!

It’s also important to remember that it’s not your fault. Divorce is never any one person’s “fault.” Often there are things we could have done differently or better in the relationships that may have led us down the path toward separation/divorce. It can help to talk about these regrets with someone who understands what you’re going through.

You’re going through a big transition, and it can be difficult to see the positive side of things. You’re leaving behind your life as you knew it and creating a new one that’s different from what you expected. You might feel like no matter what you do, nothing is getting better or easier. But with time and patience, you’ll find healthy ways to cope and ultimately heal.

You are not alone. You may feel like you are, but you’re not. This is a common experience and many have gone through this same experience and have managed to move on with their lives. It’s important that you understand that even though it feels like your life will never be the same again and that you will never be able to go back to who you were before, it’s possible that one day those feelings will fade away and become part of your past.

Accepting the pain can help you feel better faster. It’s important to remember that for many people, feeling this pain is a normal part of the healing process. In fact, you may never completely accept what has happened in your marriage. However, acceptance can help you move forward and find peace.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that what happened is okay—it doesn’t mean that you have to like it or forgive the other person. Acceptance means recognizing reality and moving on with your life despite what happened in the past.

Take steps toward what you need for self-care. Some examples of self-care include getting out of the house if possible. Being active is good for both your mind and body, so consider going on walks, running errands or even going to an arcade! Or eating healthy foods that make you feel energized. Make sure to eat enough protein to help manage any stress or negative emotions, as well as vegetables that are rich in vitamins A and C as they help strengthen your immune system.

Starting over is scary, but it’s exciting too. It’s difficult to let go of the idea that you will always be with your ex-spouse, in part because you’ve probably spent a lot of time and energy defining yourself as “a couple.” After the divorce is final, however, there are new ways to define yourself and your future—and yes, that can feel scary at first. But it can also be exciting; for example:

You have the chance to start fresh without carrying baggage from your previous relationship into another one later on! This gives you an opportunity to practice being single again (which isn’t easy but also isn’t impossible!)

Counseling helps you remember that everything will be alright when you don’t feel like it will be. Speaking with a counselor can help you process emotions and feelings in a controlled environment without having to worry about what your ex is thinking or feeling.

A therapist will provide an outside opinion about what is going on and what steps you should take next. They can also provide support for any mental health issues that arise from having gone through such an experience.

Consider finding a therapist to help you through this difficult process. Get in touch with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW here!

Dealing with the Emotional Impact of Divorce

Dealing with the Emotional Impact of Divorce with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Divorce has its own unique impact on you, your children, and even other family members and friends.

Staying strong during this difficult time is possible. Counseling is a resource that can help you deal with the emotional impact of divorce.

Counseling gives you the space to open up.

Talking with a professional therapist gives you a safe place to share your feelings. You can talk about anything you want and not have to worry about your counselor judging you. Counseling gives you the space to talk about emotions you may not usually express in everyday life, such as anger or sadness. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes us feel better after a divorce, but sometimes just being able to let off steam is really important!

Seeing a licensed social worker provides confidentiality.

You don’t have to worry about sharing personal details with people who may not be so understanding or private, like family / friends. When talking with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, everything you say is 100% confidential.

A counselor can help you restore your confidence and self-esteem.

The emotional impact of divorce can take a toll on your confidence, self-esteem, and general sense of self-worth. When talking with a counselor, you begin to restore areas in your life that bring you joy. Whether it’s starting a new hobby, resurrecting an old hobby, or setting a new goal for yourself, once you start achieving things on your own, you’ll notice that your self-worth grows as well. Raising your self-esteem will give you a more positive outlook on life overall.

Counselors will help you evaluate the role that your own behavior played in the relationship breakdown.

Gain insight into how certain behaviors may have contributed to the divorce, so that you can learn from them now and avoid making similar mistakes in future relationships.

Counseling helps you develop coping skills to deal with stress and anxiety.

Coping skills provide an outlet for your feelings instead of suppressing them or letting them build up inside you. They can include things like meditation, singing, exercise, journaling or even just taking a walk in nature.

When we suppress our emotions, it builds up inside us like steam in a pressure cooker, until eventually, we explode. When we let our emotions out through healthy outlets like talk therapy or exercise class, then the steam is released without causing any damage!

Counseling can help you resolve any conflicts that arise between you and your ex while minimizing the impact on your children.

Counselors understand the importance of communication in a divorce situation, especially when it comes to dealing with sensitive topics like custody arrangements and child support payments. They can also provide guidance on how to communicate effectively with your ex so that any agreements reached are enforceable by the court.

In addition to helping parents navigate conflict resolution, counselors can also help them develop positive relationships with each other’s families and friends. This is especially important if there is an existing bond between your spouse’s mother or father, who may be willing to assist in raising the kids while they’re at school during the day or getting ready for bed at night.

Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re struggling with the emotional impact of divorce, professional counseling can help you move forward in a healthy way. With the right support, you can learn how to manage stress and anxiety, develop positive coping skills for dealing with difficult emotions—including depression—and even make peace with your ex as you work together to raise your children.

Reach out to get the help that will give you a bright future after divorce.

How a Mental Health Counselor Can Help You Through Getting a Divorce

Chana Pfeifer: How a Mental Health Counselor Can Help You Through Getting a Divorce

Getting a divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. It’s hard enough to cope with the emotional stress, but when you add in the financial and legal challenges, it can feel overwhelming.

A mental health counselor can help you through this tough time by providing support and guidance.

If you’re considering divorce, or are in the middle of the process, here are a few ways a mental health counselor can help:

1. Dealing with the Emotional Impact

The emotional impact of divorce can be devastating. You may feel like you’ve failed, or that your life is falling apart. A counselor can help you deal with these feelings and start to rebuild your self-esteem.

2. Managing Stress

The stress of divorce can be overwhelming. A counselor can help you find healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety. They can also teach you relaxation techniques to help you stay calm during this difficult time.

3. Working Through Conflict

Conflict is often a big part of divorce. A counselor can help you learn how to communicate effectively with your ex-spouse, and how to resolve conflicts without resorting to aggression or violence.

4. Coping With Change

Divorce brings about many changes, both big and small. A counselor can help you adjust to these changes and find ways to cope with them in a healthy way.

5. Building a Support Network

One of the biggest challenges after the end of a marriage is rebuilding your support system. A counselor can help you connect with other people who are going through similar experiences, and can offer advice on how to build new relationships.

6. Planning for the Future

After divorce, it’s important to take some time to focus on your own needs and goals. A counselor can help you create a plan for your future, and can offer advice on how to move forward in a positive way.

7. Finding Closure

For many people, divorce is a journey to finding closure. A counselor can help you work through your feelings and find a sense of peace after the end of your marriage.

8. Helping Your Children Cope

If you have children, it’s important to help them through the divorce as well. A counselor can offer guidance on how to talk to your kids about divorce, and can provide support as they adjust to this new reality.

9. Dealing With Financial Challenges

Divorce can also bring financial challenges. A counselor can help you create a budget, and can offer advice on how to manage your finances during this difficult time.

10. Taking Care of Yourself

The process of divorce can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It’s important to take care of yourself during this time, and a counselor can help you find ways to do that. They can offer guidance on healthy coping mechanisms, and can help you create a plan to take care of your physical and mental health.

If you’re considering divorce, or are in the middle of the process, reach out to a mental health counselor for support.

Chana Pfeifer can help you deal with the emotional challenges of divorce, and can offer guidance on how to cope with this difficult time.

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Imago Therapy in West Hempstead, NY

Imago Therapy in West Hempstead, NY with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Imago therapy was created by Drs. Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, internationally-respected couples’ therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they’ve written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold including, Getting The Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times!

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW * The Happier Me
Chana Pfeifer with Harville Hendrix

One of the most important components of Imago therapy is that it’s not about being right. The idea behind Imago therapy is that two people can have completely different world views, and it doesn’t mean that one is right and the other is wrong.

The goal in this is not to be right. It’s not proving a point. It’s about actively listening, being heard, validation, and being in tune with our partner.

To assist the transformation of all relationships, Harville & Helen co-created IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY, which is applicable to couples, families, parents, and professionals who seek to be more effective in their life and relationships.

Learn how to connect through differences and become more present in all of your relationships.

For additional information on Imago Therapy in West Hempstead, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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Counseling for Grief – Benefits of Therapy for Dealing With Grief

Counseling for grief can be very beneficial in dealing with sad emotions.

It is natural to experience grief when a loved one passes away.

It can be especially hard for people who had a difficult relationship with the person who passed away, or if they did not have time to say goodbye before their loved one died.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
– Dr. Seuss (1904-1991)

Grief is a difficult emotion to deal with, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

Counseling can help you to process your emotions, work through your grief, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. It gives you the opportunity to talk about your loved one, share memories, and express your feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

Grief counseling can help people cope with their loss in a healthy way.

Prevent complicated grief, which is when someone experiences intense grief that lasts for a long time and interferes with their ability to live a normal life. Complicated grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even suicide. Counseling can help you to avoid these negative outcomes and to find a way to cope with your loss in a healthy way.

Counseling uses natural, evidence-based methods to help people with complicated grief. You’ll learn new skills and techniques to help you cope with your grief that are based on proven research.

Therapy can help people to learn how to live their lives without their loved one.

Grief counseling can help you to learn how to live your life without your loved one. This can be a difficult task. Therapy stops the cycle of grief so that you can start to heal. You’ll learn how to deal with your emotions, how to cope with triggers, and how to develop a new support system. You’ll also learn how to create a new life for yourself without your loved one.

Therapy can help people find meaning in their loss.

Grief counseling can make a world of difference to heal your wounds, remember the good / bad times, and find a way to move forward in your life. You don’t have to go through this alone. Counseling can help you to find meaning in your loss and to develop a new life without your loved one.

Counseling can help you develop a new sense of self.

As you become more comfortable with your new life without your loved one, you’ll develop a new sense of who you are. Counseling can help you by providing support, guidance, and skills to help you cope with your loss.

Other than counseling it can also be helpful to talk to friends and family members who are supportive and understanding. Sometimes, it can be helpful to read books or articles about grief or to join a support group for people who are grieving. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you will eventually find your own way to cope with your loss.

To sum it all up, grief counseling can help you starting from today. It will change the way you look at death, your relationship with the deceased, and how you live your life from here on out.

Contact me to set up an appointment.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a very powerful (and personal) thing, and can extend into many areas of your life. I encourage you to give self-compassion a try. Life will always be messy in some fashion so give yourself the kindness and support you deserve along the way.

In order to alleviate any type of suffering, you must be compassionate with yourself.

Self-compassion vs. Self-judgment

Do you generally beat yourself up over mistakes or find the lesson and move on? Your adaptability is an important tool to move forward with ease and confidence. Self-compassion helps to reduce distorted perceptions of self-blame, low self-worth and negative self-image.

Make a routine in self care.

This can be defined as going to the gym, taking a walk, getting a massage, doing your nails, practicing a sport, singing, painting – do whatever makes you feel good, with no other reason behind it than just feeling good.

Be mindful of how you speak to yourself.

Your internal dialogue matters. It creates your thoughts, which create feelings, which leads to your behavior. So, if you’re constantly speaking poorly about yourself to yourself, it’s going to be difficult to perform at your best. How would you respond to a friend going through the same situation as you? Do you talk to yourself as kindly as you do to others?

Surround yourself with loving people.

This may be more difficult for some people than others. Whether you have a network of people you can turn to, or you’re in search of a better crowd, know that you always have options and you are never alone.

Get restful sleep.

There are countless cases of people having sleep issues due to the many anxiety-inducing issues going on today. There is not enough attention on the subject and how it relates to mental health. If you are really feeling the blues, try to focus on getting the sleep you need and the rest you deserve. You’ll have a better chance at tackling life with the energy you need and a sound mind.

Just do the best you can, with what you have.

Sometimes, we’re just too hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break from perfectionism. Some days are just going to be worse than others. Be a support system to the most important person in your life… YOU!

If you would like to speak to Chana about therapy, contact her today.

Counseling After a Break Up

Choosing to end a relationship is a decision that can be a source of intense distress. While feeling upset or sad about a break up is a normal part of the grieving process, some cases can lead to chronic sadness, depression, and unhealthy stress-related behaviors. After a break up, it is important to let oneself have time to heal from the loss.

There are numerous reasons why couples may choose to separate, including but not limited to infidelity, arguments, abuse and/or general incompatibility. The decision to move on requires emotional strength and the ability to coordinate the lifestyle changes that may come as a result.

A future that was imagined together may now seem unclear. A number of emotions may be present, including anger, sadness, or a feeling of emptiness.

Following a break up, you might experience a negative internal dialogue that can leave you feeling down and even remorseful. It can be easy to fall into the cycle of rumination, where you constantly think about mistakes you may have made in the relationship. The burden of such constant waves of negativity can make the healing process significantly longer and more difficult.

Managing the emotional ramifications of the break up while handling the adjustment period that follows can be resource-intensive. Depression and stress-related psychological factors can manifest easily during such a time of distress.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by this process, therapy can help you regain your footing, both emotionally and psychologically.

A mindful approach can help foster gratefulness for the good times in the relationship while learning to accept all the new changes that may come as a result of the breakup. While this can take time, counseling after a break up is a key step to recovering and making progress in a healthy way.

Thoughtful planning with a therapist can help you overcome depression, anxiety and other life-disrupting effects following a separation of any kind.

Counseling after a break-up can help you rebuild self-confidence and embrace your individual identity. Through therapy, you can learn to harness your strength and defeat unhealthy defense mechanisms like avoidance or withdrawal.

Processing your thoughts and feelings in a neutral, non-judgemental environment can help with clarity in what seems like a chaotic situation.

Chana Pfeifer offers in-office and virtual counseling appointments to meet your individual needs. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of a breakup, don’t hesitate to reach out and begin a mindful journey of healing.

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The Link between Depression & Insomnia

If you’ve been feeling depressed, there may be many underlying issues as to why that is, as everyone has a unique experience with it. But sometimes, looking at your daily routine and personal habits can shed light onto things you’re doing that may be getting in the way of having a good night’s sleep.

What many don’t realize, is that depression is tightly interwoven with insomnia.

It’s really a vicious cycle: depression can cause insomnia & vice versa.. not sleeping causes depression.

Disrupted sleep and low mood can make you feel as if you’re trapped in a vicious cycle as one problem feeds the other. However, the connection between sleep deprivation and depression also means that understanding the relationship between the two could help you better manage both.

Although scientists are still trying to tease apart all the mechanisms, they’ve discovered that sleep disruption — which affects levels of neurotransmitters and stress hormones, among other things — wreaks havoc in the brain, impairing thinking and emotional regulation. In this way, insomnia may amplify the effects of psychiatric disorders, and vice versa.

health.harvard.edu 

Just like food, water & air, restorative sleep is vital for your health.

In terms of your mental health, sleep allows your brain to create new pathways and memories which help you learn, solve problems, pay attention, and make decisions. After a good night’s sleep, you’re more alert, able to think clearly and concentrate, and better control your emotions and behavior.

Sleep is also a necessity for your physical health as it helps your body grow, make repairs, maintain a healthy balance of hormones, and keep your immunity up. In light of this, it’s no surprise that sleep deprivation has been linked to a slew of chronic health issues including high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, diabetes, and obesity.

Sleep & Depression

depression counselingWhen someone has depression, their sleep becomes shorter in length, shallower, and less restful overall.

If you or someone you love is having trouble sleeping or struggling with symptoms of depression, you likely already have an understanding of the link between depression & insomnia. It’s no secret that not getting the sleep you need can bring down your mood, zap productivity, and make it difficult to get through the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

It’s common for people living with depression and sleep deprivation to come to associate their bed with negative feelings and thoughts. A poor night’s sleep can feel like a natural extension of a bad day, especially when it’s become a habit.

This is where meeting with a mental health professional may be important.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia can help you reframe these reactions in a more positive light and build your confidence that you can get a good night’s sleep.

Treating insomnia is obviously an important way to help improve psychological health.

For more information on counseling for depression, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Adult Children of Narcissist Parents

Counseling for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

You may have recently come to the realization, or are beginning to suspect, that you have a parent that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a severe condition. People with narcissistic personality disorder are emotionally damaged individuals & incapable of empathy.

They have a need to be in control at all times and demand you accept their version of the world. They will act as a dictator to keep control and that depends on you not having any opinions about it to the contrary.

Narcissistic rage is a known characteristic of people with NPD. Gaslighting or shaming are common tools to keep you compliant.

Although they can be keenly aware of another person’s reactions, this doesn’t translate to them actually feeling empathy, but rather using the new information received for further manipulation. Narcissists will often cast themselves as the victim as well. This serves as a passive aggressive way to steer the story back to them while denying your experience. They do not admit having responsibility for anything and any blame is deflected onto something or someone else.

Being the child of narcissist parents have specific challenges while growing up.

counseling in NY

A narcissist’s way of overshadowing everything teaches a young child that there is no space for their own feelings. This often leads children to repress, distrust, and devalue themselves.

Narcissist parents cause enough confusion to blur your perception, making it more difficult to come out from under their umbrella of influence. It can be quite traumatizing (well into adulthood) until you can confirm your own reality. It may feel overwhelming when the veil of manipulation by a narcissist starts to lift..

Digesting these new insights is a process & best done with the help of a professional counselor, who can help steer you in the right direction of wellness.

Growing up under the shadow of narcissist parents, you have devised survival behaviors that you deemed necessary as a child. These become ingrained patterns of behavior and continue into your adult life as unconscious beliefs.

These learned habits can attract you to new relationships with similar narcissistic dynamics as your childhood. You may not be overtly aware of it because it just feels ‘natural’. The more conscious you become of the behavior patterns of narcissists, and your reactive survival patterns around them, the more you can direct your life in ways that are most healthy for you.

Healing from a parent with NPD is best when you have help rather than struggling all by yourself.

Trying to gather the confusing pieces and finding your way toward emotional freedom can feel like a daunting task.

You do not have do it alone.

Ironically, when you most could use a hand can be the hardest time to reach out for one. Please make the effort on behalf of yourself. A professional trained specifically in narcissist personality disorder can help guide you with focused strategies to carry on from current and lingering narcissistic abuse.

Having support is paramount. Support with a full understanding of the confusion, sadness or anger that coming out of the shadows of a narcissist can invoke is vital for your success. Help is available. Having a counselor by your side will help you find your strength and arm you with practical tools for you to heal and thrive.

If you feel you’re delving into depression or experiencing rage, together we can address it. Please seek a professional right away if you have feelings of hopelessness.

Professional support provides the clarity necessary to differentiate where your own boundaries lie and how you can maintain them. Reach out today and we will walk together toward the bright and promising life you deserve.

Therapy After Cheating

Finding out that you’re being cheated on in a relationship is devastating. Why do people cheat? Well, there’s as many reasons as there is people, but some of the main reasons usually are:

People go outside of their relationship when they feel rejected / ignored / unappreciated by their partner.

Instead of addressing this issue with their current partner, someone else sparks that old feeling of being desired, and it becomes irresistible. Cheating on a partner can happen when an outside influence ignites lost feelings of being wanted.

Another reason why people cheat is because of unspoken resentment.

When people stop working through conflict in a relationship and they both just stuff their problems down and never speak about or work through them, people act out on each other as a way of expressing their anger. Intimacy becomes diminished and an emotional divide happens.

So, when it comes down to it, cheating on a partner isn’t solely based on sexual needs. It goes far beyond that. It encompasses ego, unmet desires, anger, etc.

Addressing the initial reactions of betrayal with a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience these feelings, it can be healing as well.

In relationships, we like to project and blame our problems on someone/something else because it’s much easier than looking at ourselves.

Once you can recognize your part in a cheating scenario, whether you are the cheater or the person betrayed by cheating, you can learn to see the red flags faster and make better decisions in your relationships. Once you own your part in it, whatever part it is, you can begin to move forward.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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