Category: Individual Therapy

The Link between Depression & Insomnia

If you’ve been feeling depressed, there may be many underlying issues as to why that is, as everyone has a unique experience with it. But sometimes, looking at your daily routine and personal habits can shed light onto things you’re doing that may be getting in the way of having a good night’s sleep.

What many don’t realize, is that depression is tightly interwoven with insomnia.

It’s really a vicious cycle: depression can cause insomnia & vice versa.. not sleeping causes depression.

Disrupted sleep and low mood can make you feel as if you’re trapped in a vicious cycle as one problem feeds the other. However, the connection between sleep deprivation and depression also means that understanding the relationship between the two could help you better manage both.

Although scientists are still trying to tease apart all the mechanisms, they’ve discovered that sleep disruption — which affects levels of neurotransmitters and stress hormones, among other things — wreaks havoc in the brain, impairing thinking and emotional regulation. In this way, insomnia may amplify the effects of psychiatric disorders, and vice versa.

health.harvard.edu 

Just like food, water & air, restorative sleep is vital for your health.

In terms of your mental health, sleep allows your brain to create new pathways and memories which help you learn, solve problems, pay attention, and make decisions. After a good night’s sleep, you’re more alert, able to think clearly and concentrate, and better control your emotions and behavior.

Sleep is also a necessity for your physical health as it helps your body grow, make repairs, maintain a healthy balance of hormones, and keep your immunity up. In light of this, it’s no surprise that sleep deprivation has been linked to a slew of chronic health issues including high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, diabetes, and obesity.

Sleep & Depression

depression counselingWhen someone has depression, their sleep becomes shorter in length, shallower, and less restful overall.

If you or someone you love is having trouble sleeping or struggling with symptoms of depression, you likely already have an understanding of the link between depression & insomnia. It’s no secret that not getting the sleep you need can bring down your mood, zap productivity, and make it difficult to get through the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

It’s common for people living with depression and sleep deprivation to come to associate their bed with negative feelings and thoughts. A poor night’s sleep can feel like a natural extension of a bad day, especially when it’s become a habit.

This is where meeting with a mental health professional may be important.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia can help you reframe these reactions in a more positive light and build your confidence that you can get a good night’s sleep.

Treating insomnia is obviously an important way to help improve psychological health.

For more information on counseling for depression, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Adult Children of Narcissist Parents

Counseling for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

You may have recently come to the realization, or are beginning to suspect, that you have a parent that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a severe condition. People with narcissistic personality disorder are emotionally damaged individuals & incapable of empathy.

They have a need to be in control at all times and demand you accept their version of the world. They will act as a dictator to keep control and that depends on you not having any opinions about it to the contrary.

Narcissistic rage is a known characteristic of people with NPD. Gaslighting or shaming are common tools to keep you compliant.

Although they can be keenly aware of another person’s reactions, this doesn’t translate to them actually feeling empathy, but rather using the new information received for further manipulation. Narcissists will often cast themselves as the victim as well. This serves as a passive aggressive way to steer the story back to them while denying your experience. They do not admit having responsibility for anything and any blame is deflected onto something or someone else.

Being the child of narcissist parents have specific challenges while growing up.

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A narcissist’s way of overshadowing everything teaches a young child that there is no space for their own feelings. This often leads children to repress, distrust, and devalue themselves.

Narcissist parents cause enough confusion to blur your perception, making it more difficult to come out from under their umbrella of influence. It can be quite traumatizing (well into adulthood) until you can confirm your own reality. It may feel overwhelming when the veil of manipulation by a narcissist starts to lift..

Digesting these new insights is a process & best done with the help of a professional counselor, who can help steer you in the right direction of wellness.

Growing up under the shadow of narcissist parents, you have devised survival behaviors that you deemed necessary as a child. These become ingrained patterns of behavior and continue into your adult life as unconscious beliefs.

These learned habits can attract you to new relationships with similar narcissistic dynamics as your childhood. You may not be overtly aware of it because it just feels ‘natural’. The more conscious you become of the behavior patterns of narcissists, and your reactive survival patterns around them, the more you can direct your life in ways that are most healthy for you.

Healing from a parent with NPD is best when you have help rather than struggling all by yourself.

Trying to gather the confusing pieces and finding your way toward emotional freedom can feel like a daunting task.

You do not have do it alone.

Ironically, when you most could use a hand can be the hardest time to reach out for one. Please make the effort on behalf of yourself. A professional trained specifically in narcissist personality disorder can help guide you with focused strategies to carry on from current and lingering narcissistic abuse.

Having support is paramount. Support with a full understanding of the confusion, sadness or anger that coming out of the shadows of a narcissist can invoke is vital for your success. Help is available. Having a counselor by your side will help you find your strength and arm you with practical tools for you to heal and thrive.

If you feel you’re delving into depression or experiencing rage, together we can address it. Please seek a professional right away if you have feelings of hopelessness.

Professional support provides the clarity necessary to differentiate where your own boundaries lie and how you can maintain them. Reach out today and we will walk together toward the bright and promising life you deserve.

Therapy After Cheating

Finding out that you’re being cheated on in a relationship is devastating. Why do people cheat? Well, there’s as many reasons as there is people, but some of the main reasons usually are:

People go outside of their relationship when they feel rejected / ignored / unappreciated by their partner.

Instead of addressing this issue with their current partner, someone else sparks that old feeling of being desired, and it becomes irresistible. Cheating on a partner can happen when an outside influence ignites lost feelings of being wanted.

Another reason why people cheat is because of unspoken resentment.

When people stop working through conflict in a relationship and they both just stuff their problems down and never speak about or work through them, people act out on each other as a way of expressing their anger. Intimacy becomes diminished and an emotional divide happens.

So, when it comes down to it, cheating on a partner isn’t solely based on sexual needs. It goes far beyond that. It encompasses ego, unmet desires, anger, etc.

Addressing the initial reactions of betrayal with a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience these feelings, it can be healing as well.

In relationships, we like to project and blame our problems on someone/something else because it’s much easier than looking at ourselves.

Once you can recognize your part in a cheating scenario, whether you are the cheater or the person betrayed by cheating, you can learn to see the red flags faster and make better decisions in your relationships. Once you own your part in it, whatever part it is, you can begin to move forward.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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Marriage Counseling after an Affair

infidelity counseling Long IslandThe effects of infidelity can be devastating and put significant strain on any relationship. When you find out your partner has been having an affair, it can be incredibly difficult to regain a feeling of trust or security. Moreover, infidelity can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and a myriad of unpleasant emotions.

These effects can make daily life more difficult, and affect your ability to focus or feel joy.

The partner who cheats is also likely to deal with the distress of infidelity. This may include anxiety, depression, and a severe feeling of guilt. Unfortunately, in some cases, cheating can evolve into a continuous cycle that the individual feels is difficult to end. Partners who cheat carry the burden of hidden truth on their shoulders, posing barriers to communication with their significant other.

Infidelity not only threatens the security of the relationship, but it poses distressing and often painful emotional effects.

Recovering from such effects are difficult and require effort on the part of both partners. Counseling can be an effective way to start this process. The professional guidance of a counselor can help you navigate and mediate discussions as a couple.

Through counseling, couples can discuss their expectations and fears in a neutral environment. In addition to addressing the initial reactions to betrayal, a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience those feelings, it can be healing as well.

Therapy provides an ideal space to talk about the events of infidelity, helping both partners to understand the factors that may surround it.

Effective communication can be one of the most difficult, yet helpful things to repair during such a time of distress. The disconnect in communication after an affair can be mended through guided talk therapy.

For the individual who is dealing with the pain of such an unexpected event, therapy can help build healthy coping skills for the initial trauma that will continue into the future. Patience and mindfulness can become key parts of this process, as well.

Chana can help you gain stability and get in touch with your emotional sensitivities after an affair.

Although some may decide that they may not want to continue in the relationship, counseling can help you develop a plan to move on in a peaceful manner. If a couple does decide that the relationship can be mended, therapy provides a structured, productive environment to do so.

Both partners’ needs can be considered while trust can be restored through a holistic, mindful approach. Chana Pfeifer offers healing treatment from the comfort of your home or in-office while following all social distancing guidelines.

If you have experienced or are currently facing the distressing effects of infidelity, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers can be defined as memories, thoughts, situations or experiences that cause significant distress.

Although they can be a component of trauma-related conditions such as PTSD, they also play a role in anxiety and depression. Whether associated with a traumatic experience of the past or amplified by anxiety, emotional triggers can have negative effects in your life.

The reactivity you may feel to certain events or memories can manifest in a variety of ways.

Emotional outbursts may be directed at others or turned inwards, resulting in immense discomfort. The continued cycle of triggers, distress and avoidance can be exhausting in itself, leaving little space to understand or reduce their frequency and severity.

Common reactions to emotional triggers may include fear, sadness, anger or any number of intense emotions. It may manifest in a physical sense similar to anxiety, with reactions such as a racing heart, nausea, sweating, shaking and/or shortness of breath. When triggered, it may be easy to lash out at others, provoking even more tension and emotional turmoil.

Although one’s immediate reaction to such unpleasant experiences may be to limit exposure to such stressors, avoidance can lead to additional anxiety. It’s important to understand and develop strategies that can help mitigate the stress and fear associated with such situations. Rather than letting such apprehension disrupt your daily activities, learning healthy coping mechanisms can bring immense healing.

A fresh perspective can make a difference in your perception of emotional triggers. Although some triggers may not have a clear origin, taking the time to explore them in a calm, safe environment can be the key to unlocking their mystery.

The guidance of a counselor can help you decode, process and heal from emotional triggers.

In addition to providing a comfortable space to heal from past traumas, therapy can help you develop a holistic plan for the future. Through therapy, one can begin to recognize and take control over situations and memories that trigger emotional discomfort.

Chana Pfeifer can help you begin healing from the effects of triggers and emotional stressors. Together, you can develop a robust plan to experience relief and learn strategies to cope with potential emotional triggers.

Chana offers virtual and in-person, socially-distanced counseling services with a therapeutic plan customized to your individual needs. If you are struggling with the effects of emotional triggers, don’t hesitate to contact Chana today to begin your journey of healing.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Panic Attacks

If you’ve suffered from a panic attack before or have witnessed someone you care about go through one, you know that it’s a rough thing to deal with.

There are a significant amount of people who suffer from panic disorder.

With panic disorder, people obviously have panic attacks. However, if you have experienced a panic attack before, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have panic disorder. It could just have been an isolated incident, not reoccurring for the rest of your life.

A panic attack is where you experience an incredible sense of fear.

When confronted with danger, your body goes into either fight, flight, or freeze responses. With panic attacks, you are just flying. Your body experiences the same feelings it would have if for example, someone was trying to mug you, except there is no one mugging you or chasing after you. There’s no discernible reason why you should be feeling this onset of crippling fear, but you’re experiencing it nonetheless. In other words, there is no tangible thing happening in that moment to cause you such fear.

Panic attack symptoms can last for up to an hour, leaving sufferers feeling drained. Some people may think they’re having a heart attack, which is quite scary to say the least.

If you have more than 4 of these symptoms, you may be having a panic attack:

  • heart pounding
  • shaking
  • dizziness
  • sweating
  • choking
  • nausea
  • short breath
  • chest pain
  • numbness
  • chills
  • hot flashes
  • feeling like you’re going crazy, about to die, etc.

If you’re having panic attacks on a regular basis, you may have panic disorder.

One theory why people may develop panic disorder is if they experienced a traumatic event in their lives that was never dealt with psychologically. Stored feelings that someone may have had at one point continually gets revisited.

Or, even worrying about your next panic attack can actually bring one on! There is a link to agoraphobia simply because of this fear of having a panic attack again. Just the fear of having one before can lead to more in the future. So, it is a cyclical problem.

If you do have a panic disorder, you may have a hard time getting your family or friends to understand it. They might under react to the severity of your issues. Saying, “it’s all in your head”, or “just calm down”. Whatever the case, it can make you feel as if you’re alone.

Just know that, you are never alone, even if you feel that way.

There’s always ways to receive help, talk to people who understand you, and surround yourself with others who are supportive of you.

Seeking a therapist to discuss things with is a great way to start the process of healing.

The silver lining in all of this is that panic attacks are treatable.

They can be helped through cognitive behavioral therapy. We can uncover the reasons behind your panic attacks, which is a huge step. When you want to overcome something, you need to understand it.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Establishing Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essentially you protecting / treating yourself kindly.

If somebody hurts you, or crosses a line with you, how do you react?

Lots of people may feel it’s easier just to let some things go when they are hurt. You may think that it’s not that important to bring something up. But in doing that, if someone has truly hurt you, you’re really just saying that you don’t matter.

The problem is, most of us haven’t learned how to set boundaries. Children aren’t given the tools. Maybe you’ve even seen negative examples of that with your own parents. Most of us aren’t modeled healthy boundaries in our households growing up. So, we have to put in the work now.

First off, setting a boundary is not a confrontation.

A confrontation is when someone aggressively approaches you ready for a fight. A boundary teaches other people how we want to be treated. In other words, it is letting other people know what is ok with you and what is not.

If you see yourself as important, then setting boundaries for your well-being should be important.

How much value do you have for yourself? If you don’t have self-worth, then boundaries aren’t necessary to begin with. So, you need to realize that you do matter and that your well-being is important.

Below are just a few helpful ways to define and set boundaries.

Build up your self-esteem.

You need to be able to feel valuable in order to set a boundary. Find ways to build up your inner self, whether it’s exercise, crafts, dancing, singing; whatever it is, do it for you. Once you are clear with your sense of self and in tune with your worth, establishing boundaries will be easier.

Establish what your non-negotiables are.

It’s important in any relationship to understand the other person’s perspective. However, you need to define what is good for you beforehand, so that your decision is grounded and unswayed. Figure out how you want to be treated instead of how it’s happening to you now. Clearly define what is offensive to you so that you know what to set a boundary about.

Shift your thinking… It’s not war.

Try not to make anyone “enemies”, realize that they’re just different from you. You don’t ever want to have a “we’re right” and “they’re wrong” mentality. That’s never going to build any bridges.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Dealing with Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, in other words, social phobia, is a condition in which social interactions cause one to have irrational, intense, and persistent anxiety. People who feel this way have a fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in social or performance situations. The worry is so great that physical symptoms may occur like blushing, sweating, stuttering, etc.

“You can’t go back to change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – CS Lewis

Everyone may have an inkling of social anxiety at times, the thing to look at is whether this affects your quality of life. For instance, you may feel anxiety meeting a new person or a group of people one night out. Or, you have a job interview or performance which is making you feel anxious. These are normal feelings to have in life. However, if your social anxiety is so great that you don’t go out to meet that new person, or don’t show up for that interview, then your anxiety may be doing yourself a disservice.

In another example, maybe you feel anxiety when you’re pressured to do something socially that you don’t wish to do. Holidays, family or work events can be a few instances in which this occurs.

Also, don’t forget about social media and how that generally makes you feel.

Everyone is comparing themselves to the masses, all the time. Do you feel pressured to post to social media daily? Maybe you receive negative comments online or are afraid of what the general public posts on your pages. How is your mood after scrolling through timelines? What about your body image? Does it change after being on social platforms? You may feel anxiety when your friends/coworkers/other people post pictures of you that you didn’t sign off on on their profiles. The many ways that anxiety can stem from social media is massive.

So what causes social anxiety in the first place?

While the reasons can be many, below are just a few causes:

  • bullying
  • sexual abuse
  • family conflict
  • traumatic social interaction in the past
  • sometimes, it can be learned from seeing your parents have it

Social anxiety is treatable, so there is hope.

Through therapy, you can learn to minimize your anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Self Care for Mental Health

love advice - self care tips

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Taking care of your mental health, just like your physical health, is a necessity.

Self care relies on increased self awareness.

Practicing self awareness can help you recognize patterns in your behavior or emotions, including events or situations that can trigger symptoms of depression, anxiety, sadness, etc.

Putting “me time” on the back burner is a big part of why we can all feel run-down, frenzied, and overwhelmed.

For additional info. on counseling, call me (516) 592-1107 or email me here.

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self care for mental health

Looking for ways to practice caring for yourself more?

Below are just a few examples of ways to practice self care. Take time to experiment. See what really works for you.

Sleep More

Gut Health

Exercise Often

Go Outside

Clean & Reorder

Avoid Triggers

Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself.

It’s not selfish to make your health a priority. You will be better able to help others when you are your healthiest.

Short Meditation For People With Busy Minds with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Mental Health During Coronavirus - Just listen & pray, that's all we can do.