Tag: break ups

Creating a Safety Plan for Leaving an Abusive Partner

A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan to help improve your wellbeing while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave an abusive situation, or after you leave. Take some time to go through each part of this safety plan for leaving an abusive partner.

Your safety plan should include the following:

  • Friends, family, colleagues, social workers that you can confidentially speak to about the abuse. These people can be told about the abuse and you can notify them if you need help. They can be advised in advance of who to call / what to do if you need help. (Example: call police if I’m afraid for my safety). My code word for family / friends to know I need help is… I will share this word with them and let them know what it means if / when I use it.
  • Non-safe people you shouldn’t say anything about your situation to.
    This list includes people who would potentially tell your abusive partner/spouse about your plans to leave. They will ultimately get in the way of your exit, or make your child’s experience more challenging.
  • If you had to leave home in an emergency, what safe place can you go to? This can be a nearby police station, church, store, restaurant, or any other place that’s open and has people around. These are places you can go to if you need to leave immediately or without much preparation.
  • Places to call if in danger: 911, domestic violence hotlines, housing shelters, social workers.
  • Essential items to take with you if you decide to leave. If you need to get away quickly, pack a bag and hide it either in the home (if you feel safe doing so) or keep it somewhere else or with someone else. Items to consider collecting are: Identification (driver’s license, school ID, military ID, immigration documents), Cell Phone / Charger, Medication, Cash, ATM card, House Key, Car Key, Clothes, Comfort Items (favorite stuffed animal or photograph), Baby Supplies (formula, diaper, wipes, change of clothes), Copy of Protection/Restraining Order, Child’s Birth Certificate, Health Insurance Card
  • Establish financial autonomy before leaving, if possible. Save enough money to get your own place, get a credit card / checking account in your own name. Even if you don’t have a job yet, open a savings account. This step should be done with as much confidentiality as possible to not alert your partner of your plans.
  • Get your own phone that your abusive partner does not have access to or knowledge of. Get a throw-away phone and hide it if necessary. Tracking messages is just one way technology can be used by an ill-intentioned romantic partner to monitor, intimidate, and control you — and they don’t have to be a tech wizard to manipulate it. If an abuser gets access to your phone, they can unassumingly squirm into every aspect of your digital life, from private messages to location history. If you have the means, buy a prepaid burner phone (a phone with minimal voice or data services, which are designed to be used sparingly and should not be attached to any shared credit cards) with cash, so you can contact your support network without being tracked.
  • Go through your social media. Have you shared passwords to any accounts with your partner? Be sure to think about all of your online accounts such as Facebook, email, website, WiFi, instant messaging, online banking, home security networks, etc.. Be sure to change the passwords, emails associated, and maybe the profile pictures as well. Or you can start new social profiles to make sure there’s no overlap. You should secure your accounts to prevent further access. You can do this by setting up security measures like two-factor authentication, which requires access to a specific physical device to log in to accounts. But first, it’s a good idea to sign up for a new email address. With access to your email, an abuser can capture password-reset notices, create custom filters to hide messages, or gain access to any details you change.
  • Childcare options – who could watch your children if you need childcare in an emergency? What word/phrase can you use as a code between you & your children to let them know that they need to call for help?
  • Practice ahead of time & rehearse your escape plan so you know it like the back of your hand. If you have kids who are old enough to understand, teach them what to do when the time comes.
REMEMBER: You are the expert in your own situation. It can also be helpful to start this process with a social worker that you trust.

If you find yourself in a situation like this, you can reach out to me to discuss your safety plan for leaving an abusive partner. For more information on counseling, call (516) 592-1107.

Managing stress from a divorce & ways that counseling can help.

Managing Stress From A Divorce: finding healthy ways to cope with counseling.

There are so many things to think about when going through a divorce, and it can be difficult to find the strength to take any action. Even worse, you may feel like you’re completely alone in your pain because nobody really understands what you’re going through.

During this time, counseling can be a lifeline for many people. It’s not just about talking through your problems; it’s about connecting with someone who understands and can help you figure out where to go from here.

Counseling provides support, new perspectives on old issues, and strategies for moving forward into a brighter future.

Separation is never easy. It’s very painful to end a marriage, and it can be even more difficult when there are children involved in the breakup. But remember that you’re not alone—lots of people are going through this right now, and lots of people have gone through it before you!

It’s also important to remember that it’s not your fault. Divorce is never any one person’s “fault.” Often there are things we could have done differently or better in the relationships that may have led us down the path toward separation/divorce. It can help to talk about these regrets with someone who understands what you’re going through.

You’re going through a big transition, and it can be difficult to see the positive side of things. You’re leaving behind your life as you knew it and creating a new one that’s different from what you expected. You might feel like no matter what you do, nothing is getting better or easier. But with time and patience, you’ll find healthy ways to cope and ultimately heal.

You are not alone. You may feel like you are, but you’re not. This is a common experience and many have gone through this same experience and have managed to move on with their lives. It’s important that you understand that even though it feels like your life will never be the same again and that you will never be able to go back to who you were before, it’s possible that one day those feelings will fade away and become part of your past.

Accepting the pain can help you feel better faster. It’s important to remember that for many people, feeling this pain is a normal part of the healing process. In fact, you may never completely accept what has happened in your marriage. However, acceptance can help you move forward and find peace.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that what happened is okay—it doesn’t mean that you have to like it or forgive the other person. Acceptance means recognizing reality and moving on with your life despite what happened in the past.

Take steps toward what you need for self-care. Some examples of self-care include getting out of the house if possible. Being active is good for both your mind and body, so consider going on walks, running errands or even going to an arcade! Or eating healthy foods that make you feel energized. Make sure to eat enough protein to help manage any stress or negative emotions, as well as vegetables that are rich in vitamins A and C as they help strengthen your immune system.

Starting over is scary, but it’s exciting too. It’s difficult to let go of the idea that you will always be with your ex-spouse, in part because you’ve probably spent a lot of time and energy defining yourself as “a couple.” After the divorce is final, however, there are new ways to define yourself and your future—and yes, that can feel scary at first. But it can also be exciting; for example:

You have the chance to start fresh without carrying baggage from your previous relationship into another one later on! This gives you an opportunity to practice being single again (which isn’t easy but also isn’t impossible!)

Counseling helps you remember that everything will be alright when you don’t feel like it will be. Speaking with a counselor can help you process emotions and feelings in a controlled environment without having to worry about what your ex is thinking or feeling.

A therapist will provide an outside opinion about what is going on and what steps you should take next. They can also provide support for any mental health issues that arise from having gone through such an experience.

Consider finding a therapist to help you through this difficult process. Get in touch with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW here!

Counseling After a Break Up

Choosing to end a relationship is a decision that can be a source of intense distress. While feeling upset or sad about a break up is a normal part of the grieving process, some cases can lead to chronic sadness, depression, and unhealthy stress-related behaviors. After a break up, it is important to let oneself have time to heal from the loss.

There are numerous reasons why couples may choose to separate, including but not limited to infidelity, arguments, abuse and/or general incompatibility. The decision to move on requires emotional strength and the ability to coordinate the lifestyle changes that may come as a result.

A future that was imagined together may now seem unclear. A number of emotions may be present, including anger, sadness, or a feeling of emptiness.

Following a break up, you might experience a negative internal dialogue that can leave you feeling down and even remorseful. It can be easy to fall into the cycle of rumination, where you constantly think about mistakes you may have made in the relationship. The burden of such constant waves of negativity can make the healing process significantly longer and more difficult.

Managing the emotional ramifications of the break up while handling the adjustment period that follows can be resource-intensive. Depression and stress-related psychological factors can manifest easily during such a time of distress.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by this process, therapy can help you regain your footing, both emotionally and psychologically.

A mindful approach can help foster gratefulness for the good times in the relationship while learning to accept all the new changes that may come as a result of the breakup. While this can take time, counseling after a break up is a key step to recovering and making progress in a healthy way.

Thoughtful planning with a therapist can help you overcome depression, anxiety and other life-disrupting effects following a separation of any kind.

Counseling after a break-up can help you rebuild self-confidence and embrace your individual identity. Through therapy, you can learn to harness your strength and defeat unhealthy defense mechanisms like avoidance or withdrawal.

Processing your thoughts and feelings in a neutral, non-judgemental environment can help with clarity in what seems like a chaotic situation.

Chana Pfeifer offers in-office and virtual counseling appointments to meet your individual needs. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of a breakup, don’t hesitate to reach out and begin a mindful journey of healing.

Contact Chana Today For More Information