Category: Individual Therapy

Dealing with Triggering Events of Divorce

How do you deal with triggering events of divorce that occur when you don’t have a normal family and we’re coping with the emotions of being divorced, co-parenting, COVID-19, and all the related challenges? There’s always triggers from the outside world, so what’s your advice on that?

Part of that is PLANNING AHEAD.

For example, if there’s a holiday coming up, ask if you’re having the kids or not. Also, recognize what the triggers were last year or if this is new, realize what might be difficult for you. Figure out how to surround yourself with people who can support you the way you need.

Rather than pretending that everything’s going to be fine or telling yourself that you’ll just get through it, sometimes, just ask for help when you need it.

Invite yourself to some one else’s house so that you’re not alone rather than waiting for that person to call you or give you an invitation if you need to be around people.

Look at your calendar and really see what may be triggering to you / what might be difficult times?

Figure out who you have in your support network or who you can enlist in your support network if you don’t have the support you need yet.

Get in the mode of being OK asking for help.

Sometimes, we need help, and that is okay. When we actually ask or help, we’re letting the other person help us and that’s nourishing for both parties.

We also have triggers with communication. Especially communication with our former spouse. Can you talk a bit about that as well?

Well, that’s partly being responsible for our own reactivity. Making sure we’re not exhausted, annoyed, stressed, hungry or anything like that before talking with someone. We’re responsible for not being insulting.

In Imago Relationship Therapy, we make appointments before speaking with someone so that we’re both present and respectful of each other’s time and availability. You simply just ask, “Is now a good time?”

Personal responsibility will affect the caliber of our communication with difficult people in our lives.

Too often we find people who point the finger and look to blame, and not look at the fact that there’s different ways to address the issues and those differences can make all the difference in the outcome.

Practice looking at yourself and thinking, what can I do differently? You can’t control any other person than yourself. So, how do you control yourself? How do you become aware of your own personal triggering events of divorce?

For info. on post-divorce counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

NY Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Chana Pfeifer, Long Island social worker, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer has been a therapist for over 24 years and specializes in relationships.

Her specific training is called Imago Relationship Therapy created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. She ‘tripped’ over the approach when she was miserably married and going through 5 different couples’ therapists.

Below are a questions answered by Chana on Business Talk Radio:

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, Long Island on Business Talk RadioHow has the COVID-19 pandemic affected your business?

I’ll confess.. I have hated Zoom in some ways. There’s nothing like an energetic exchange with a live person, but Zoom has allowed me to work through the pandemic. I’m teaching a college class to 7 girls via Zoom and I’m pleasantly surprised how well it’s going (from my perspective).

Us therapists are struggling with sitting with uncertainty & all the same issues our clients are suffering with.

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Where do you see yourself in the near future?

One day I hope to resume my plans of doing premarital workshops so that we do a preventative work. For a drivers license, a person needs a written and practical test yet for a marriage, we just need a license. Most of us have not grown up in healthy relationships and I believe we can all use relationship training. I really believe this can prevent tremendous pain. I’m really grateful for what I’ve learned and how I can help people show up differently.

Chana sees adults live in her indoor / outdoor offices with social distancing, and also on Zoom & FaceTime.

Chana’s business locations are in Nassau County, NY
(two offices: one in West Hempstead & one in Cedarhurst, NY)

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Seeking Help for Depression

counseling for depressionDo you find it difficult to function in your day to day life?

Have you lost interest in the activities which used to be fun?

Do you find it tough to get up from your bed?

Seeking help for depression is the first step to making a change.

Depression is much more than sadness.

It includes changes in mood and also changes in sleep, energy, appetite, concentration, and motivation.

If your symptoms are causing issues with your relationships or work, and you don’t see a solution; consider seeing a professional counselor.

Talk Therapy

To start, it’s confidential. Therapists are not allowed to release your personal information. This will help you trust your therapist, and you can describe your problems openly to them.

They are not going to judge you & their opinions are solely to help you with your difficulties.

Also, with talk therapy, you can consult a professional who will give you extra support and guidance to point out the factors that contribute to your depression. They will work with you to understand and solve these problems.

Lifestyle Changes

Here’s some lifestyle changes that can be used along with therapy:

● Get enough sleep
● Eat healthily
● Exercise regularly
● Avoid alcohol & drugs
● Meditation

Depression can make it difficult for you to even reach out for help. When you are going through depression, the tendency is to isolate, which makes it hard to connect close family members and friends. Sometimes, even talking and pouring out your feelings can look like a difficult task.

Here are a couple of things you can do along with counseling:

● Join a support group: No one can understand your situation better than another person going through the same. You will find people going through the same type of issue as you or similar.
● Indulge in social activities (online or offline): Depression makes it hard to indulge in social activities, but being around other people will make you feel better. Go out for a walk, join a hobby class, or maybe join a local book club.
● Bring a pet home: Pets can fill your life with love and compassion. Having a furry companion can reduce your sense of isolation.

For more info. on counseling for depression, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

How to deal with stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other emotions of divorce.

Emotions of Divorce: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is giving us a lot of insight into the human condition during divorce & during the experiences of the aftermath of divorce on the Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show.

A question that I often get is:

How people can best deal with the stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other related emotions of being divorced.

What can you tell us about that?

Chana Pfeifer, LCSWSo unfortunately, feeling like a failure and shame, they’re real…

It’s a public kind of demonstration where there’s a box that you have to check when you fill out basic applications. So really being aware of our feelings around that and our role in our marriage not working out. Rather than pretending that those feelings aren’t there, to deal with them and what were you responsible for in our relationship and how do we be proactive to manage those feelings differently.

Also really choosing to almost have like an invisible armor that if people give you a look, or certain judgments, be aware of that relationship space and that feeling of being judged and do we take that on or do we not?

We can consciously again be aware of our reactivity of us feeling like a failure, of us taking on the body language or choosing not to and saying, you know what, it didn’t work out and this is a new chapter and this is what I’m grateful for.

Or not having to give an explanation but really choosing do I participate in that energy or am I really comfortable with where am and it’s wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but at the same time, you know what? Here I am and I’m going to try to choose to move forward rather than getting stuck in that negativity, which doesn’t really serve us but it is there and pretending that it’s not, it’s hard.

I think in addition, we should be monitoring what we’re telling ourself because a lot of what’s behind those feelings of shame and blame and stigma or telling ourselves that we’re different, we don’t belong. We were a failure in our marriage or whatever that labeling is and that we can be very abusive to ourselves. Can we not?

Oh my gosh, we are our worst critics. Again, rather than pretending that those messages don’t go through our head, being aware, oh, there they are, and how am I choosing to show up differently? What are the positive messages that I want to give myself instead? I am lovable, I am successful, I am making healthy choices. We choose to be our own worst critic & maybe we want to show up differently.

Can I add another statement that something to the effect of, I’m still a good mother or father. Despite the divorce, I continue to be a valuable positive parent despite the divorce and reminding ourselves that the divorce does not judge my capability of parenting the children that I love.

Yes, 100%. When they quote the statistics about children of divorced parents, again that may be accurate to a certain extent, but they are individuals in this and how do we choose to show up given the knowledge that it is harder to parent when you have two separate households and what can we do differently rather than, well why bother because we’re divorced and I ruined everything.

Really thinking about how can we help show up as parents given that we do have two separate households and looking at the success cases. What are the success cases? Who does it well, I mean I had a friend who when it was not invoked, really demonstrated co-parenting beautifully that their divorce was not about, you know, I hate you, etc. It was really like, we are not good for each other, the energy is toxic and let’s parent our child the best that we can without fighting as much as possible. But let’s try to be on the same page. That’s really what’s best for the kids. So and it’s best for us too.

For additional info. on therapy, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Ways to Cope with Anxiety

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW & Anxiety Therapist in Long Island, New York.

Everyone experiences anxiety at some point. It’s quite normal to feel anxious, as stress is a common part of it and life. We generally call that worrying. But worrying becomes a disorder when it gets excessive or irrational. In other words, when it persists for a consistent period of time and interferes with your daily lifestyle and activities.

For instance, you fail to function normally due to lack of concentration, unwanted thoughts that you’re unable to control, and detachment from the present reality. So you end up not getting your chores done, procrastinating, or being disorganized from constantly focusing on things going on in your head.

If you think these points resonate with you then you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. But don’t worry, there are a couple of ways to help you out of it.

Identifying Your Problem

The first step as a solution to any problem is always identifying it. If you have identified your problem as suffering from anxiety, congratulations on getting this far. Many people go most (sometimes, all) of their lives not dealing with or recognizing their issues.

It is fairly common for mental health to be stigmatized in many countries due to a lack of awareness. If you say you are anxious or depressed, you are often just told to simply “get over it” or that “it’s all in your head”. Sure, it is all in your head, but it’s very hard to break out of habits and change thought patterns. Most people do not acknowledge it even if they probably understand it.

The Right Anxiety Therapist

Honestly, therapy takes time, and finding a therapist who suits you is also another struggle. There isn’t a definite amount of time that therapy can guarantee your improvement— as it is different for everyone. So finding the right anxiety therapist is important. Don’t be discouraged if the first time you try, it doesn’t feel like it’s working. There’s plenty of counselors to choose from.

Self-Help & Self-Care

Self-help is probably one of the most beneficial ways to cope with your anxiety but it is also among the hardest. It requires a lot of determination and motivation that simply lacks in most people affected. For people suffering from anxiety, it is almost impossible for them to do things that seem pretty easy and normal for others.

For example, whenever you’re anxious, try deep breathing and counting them to create a distraction. This is why experts recommend practicing mindfulness so one can bring themselves in touch with their feelings and learn to have control over them.

Self-care is also very important in all of this. Self-care can mean different things to different people. Such as, taking time for solitude or seeing friends, getting a massage or your nails done, working out or taking a class, reading, writing in a journal, etc. Whatever it is that creates calmness within you, you should schedule this time into your life because it’s one of the most important things to do for yourself, however silly it may seem to others.

The right therapy will boost your self-confidence.

When you see yourself making progress in being able to control your thoughts and actions, it ends up boosting your morale. That’s important because self-confidence plays a key role in anxiety disorders. Lots of people with low self-esteem are prone to experiencing it. Therefore, working on that and self-care should be of utmost priority in managing anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Advice for Couples Separating or Divorcing with Children

What’s your best advice for couples who are separating or divorcing with children?

It’s important to focus on the children.

It doesn’t matter whether they are little kids or adults. No matter what, when we get divorced, we will always be their parents – whether the other parent is in their life everyday or whether they’re not. Our children need us to support that both of us are still their parents.

I’ll never forget when my daughter was about 7 or 8 years old (I was careful never to say anything negative about her father), she noticed a look on my face and she asked me, “Mommy, why do you have such an ugly look on your face when you talk to Daddy?” I was really flabbergasted because here I thought I was doing a great job of not badmouthing him or alienating him, but she saw my body language and that still had an impact on her.

Even though we can’t control our unconscious feelings about our former spouse who we’re choosing not to be married to, they will always be our partner in terms of being our child’s parent.

It’s important to respect and honor that because that child is half of our ex-partner. Instead of seeing our ex-partner when we look at our children, instead, look at this child who needs to feel whole. It doesn’t matter whether they’re young or old, it’s really important to try to help that child love him/herself because it never goes away.

I know our children are watching, learning from us as role models and judging us as well. And when they’re grown adults, they’re going to hold us very accountable for the way we handled that divorce. So sometimes parents feel they could get away with things, they mislead children with information, they could bad mouth the other parent because the kids don’t know any better or are afraid to say anything, but ultimately, your children are watching and learning and they will hold you accountable when they’re grown on how you handle the divorce. That’s why it’s so important for us to be doing what you’re talking about, being role models for our children.

Take and be aware of our reactivity and our feelings about our ex-partner because it’s not okay for the kid to experience that. Again, we’re allowed to not want to be with our ex, but at the same time, for that child, it’s important for them to feel loved and have some level of relationship (whatever makes sense), and that we don’t vomit our reactivity and our negativity onto the child. It’s really not fair to them to try to taint their image of their parents if divorcing.

Don’t make your children feel guilty for loving both parents.

It’s such a great point that the more love a child receives, the better.

If you’re thinking of divorcing, consider counseling to help you navigate through the process. Call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans:

Aetna

Payments can be made via:

Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Childhood Depression / Anxiety

Can kids have depression / anxiety? Yes! Children may insist that they’re not experiencing any mental problems, and parents often ignore a child’s rage as part of their ‘growth phase’. However, persistent irritable behavior can be a sign of childhood depression / anxiety. Moreover, this condition can be worsened if you neglect your kid’s mental health.

What is childhood depression / anxiety?

Childhood depression is different from normal ‘sad’ emotions. If your child’s sadness becomes persistent, interferes with daily activities, family life, or schoolwork, it may indicate that she/he has an issue.

Parents must pay attention to their kid’s emotions. Your children can feel anxious about different things at different ages. However, anxiety can be a problem when it starts to get in the way of daily life. For example, a child becomes so anxious on exam day that he/she cannot manage to go to school that day.

The main causes of depression in children:

Depression in childhood does not have a single cause. However, the significant causes of depression in children are:

  • Parental conflicts
  • Parental neglect
  • Divorce
  • Family disputes
  • Verbal, sexual or physical abuse
  • Social violence / bullying in school
  • Genetic issues
  • Financial issues
Common symptoms of depression include:
  • Depressed mood, crying / feeling angry often
  • Lack of energy
  • Loss of pleasure in favorite activities
  • Excessive sleeping or insomnia
  • Feelings of guilt / shame
  • Inability to make decisions
  • Thoughts of death / suicide
  • Changes in eating

A treatment plan depends upon the individual nature and severity of your child’s condition. Counseling and social support are considered the best option to reduce depression / anxiety.

Depression / anxiety can have a severe impact on physical, mental, and social well-being for everyone, including kids. It’s essential to keep an eye for warning signs in your child’s behavior. Parents should be willing to know what their child is feeling and be careful to remain non-judgmental and supportive. Early attention to a child’s behavior can reverse severe disorders of anxiety and depression in the future.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Accepted Insurance Plans:

Aetna

Payments made via:

Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Therapy for Infertility

Receiving a diagnosis of infertility can cause significant stress in multiple areas of functioning. This can manifest itself through both internal and interpersonal distress or conflicts.
infertility counselor

It is not uncommon to develop anxiety and/or depression related to reproductive problems.

Common feelings can include: guilt, shame, helplessness.

individual counseling Long Island

Although women can be more susceptible to the effects of infertility-related stress, men are also vulnerable.

counseling for depression

This stress can be accompanied by reduced self-esteem and difficulties with identity. It is common to practice maladaptive defense mechanisms such as avoidance, withdrawal, or denial. Unfortunately, this can further exacerbate psychological and emotional distress.

A tumultuous wave of emotions experienced by both partners during this process can lead to relationship conflicts if not addressed properly.

Individuals within a couple may feel insufficient, dejected, or worthless. Infertility-related stress may also coincide with sexual dysfunction. A spouse may feel the need to hide or minimize their feelings to reduce the amount of strain on their partner. Using such defense methods to ameliorate critical issues can be even more psychologically stressful than the problem itself.

If dealing with reproductive issues, you may be reluctant to reach out for help. You may feel overwhelmed about the future. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Counseling can provide a productive outlet for troubling emotions and a safe place to process and heal.

To better understand the factors involved in your family’s crisis, a licensed counselor can assess your history as well as your current state. Information regarding your symptoms and situational factors can help create a personalized treatment plan for you and/or your family.

A diagnosis of infertility or other reproductive issues may also present a variety of options for alternative conception or adoption. These decisions can be life-changing for all involved. If you are struggling with depression and high stress, it can be difficult to have the ability to think clearly moving forward. A counselor can help you explore the different options you may have and the possible ramifications of each.

Therapeutic treatment can be directed towards optimizing the self as well as strengthening communication with your partner.

Turning counterproductive defense mechanisms into healthy coping strategies can help you regain a calm sense of strength and confidence.

A non-judgmental therapy space can enhance your holistic well-being while renewing both your internal state of mind and your relationships.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today

Counseling Services for NYers

Counseling Services for NYers: Chana Pfeifer in W. Hempstead, NY:

I am available for telehealth appointments (Zoom or FaceTime) or in-person appointments, as long as we’re all symptom-free in my office or in comfortable rocking chairs in my backyard.

These are really really hard times. I don’t think there’s anyone who is getting through this unscathed. It would be my honor to assist you and give you guidance to get through this difficult time. Feel free to be in touch.

Counseling Services for NYers: seeing individuals, couples and pairs. Get professional support when you need it. Secure & confidential. Payments can be made via credit card, Zelle, and Chase QuickPay.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more information on counseling services:

Overcoming Depression: How Counseling is Helpful

How counseling is helpful in dealing with and overcoming depression with Chana Pfeifer, Licensed Clinical Social Worker.

Depression remains one of the most misunderstood issues we can suffer from. Everyone feels down from time to time, but depression is something very different, which is why sufferers need more help than being told to roll their sleeves up and just get on with it.

In fact, around 7% of Americans live with depression, that’s 16 million people, and there are many approaches to help them. At the heart of that help is therapy, but as depression itself is often misunderstood, so is the role of therapy in helping sufferers to deal with depression, and eventually overcome it.

Expressing the Problem

For many suffers of depression, talking to a counselor may be the first time they ever express the problem clearly. Just having someone who will listen can itself help, but for many, it’s the reassurance that the problem can be overcome.

Many sufferers feel ashamed that they are weak or a failure to succumb to the condition. Of course, this is not true, but for a sufferer, it can feel that way until it is otherwise explained. Therapy is often the first step to understanding the problem for sufferers.

Understanding the problem is the start of any journey to recovery, and during therapy, there may be many techniques used to help build the awareness of issues and the tools needed to overcome them, here’s an example..

A New Perspective

One of the ways counselling can be so helpful is by allowing patients to see the kind of behavior that reinforces the depression. Talking with a counselor can help sufferers to see things from a new perspective, in a very literal sense.

Those suffering from depression often have continual negative thoughts about past behavior, and that affects their view for the future too, assuming failure before trying to do anything.

This way of thinking often manifests physically too – staring at one area, often the floor, all the time and never looking up. During therapy, this kind of behavior can be identified and explained, and when encouraged to look up and look around physically, it can also be a catalyst to help the patient do the same with their thoughts. A new perspective can help you think differently about those key parts of life. Body posture affects your self-confidence!

Trusted Support

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW * The Happier MeEach journey to overcome depression is unique, but the constant from any therapy is complete support. By providing a safe space where issues can be discussed in a trusting, non-judgmental environment, the cause of depression and the behaviors it causes, can be addressed over time. This allows patients to build a tool set that helps them to overcome their problem and cope with future issues too.

For more information on overcoming depression through counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.