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Marriage Counseling after an Affair

infidelity counseling Long IslandThe effects of infidelity can be devastating and put significant strain on any relationship. When you find out your partner has been having an affair, it can be incredibly difficult to regain a feeling of trust or security. Moreover, infidelity can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and a myriad of unpleasant emotions.

These effects can make daily life more difficult, and affect your ability to focus or feel joy.

The partner who cheats is also likely to deal with the distress of infidelity. This may include anxiety, depression, and a severe feeling of guilt. Unfortunately, in some cases, cheating can evolve into a continuous cycle that the individual feels is difficult to end. Partners who cheat carry the burden of hidden truth on their shoulders, posing barriers to communication with their significant other.

Infidelity not only threatens the security of the relationship, but it poses distressing and often painful emotional effects.

Recovering from such effects are difficult and require effort on the part of both partners. Counseling can be an effective way to start this process. The professional guidance of a counselor can help you navigate and mediate discussions as a couple.

Through counseling, couples can discuss their expectations and fears in a neutral environment. In addition to addressing the initial reactions to betrayal, a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience those feelings, it can be healing as well.

Therapy provides an ideal space to talk about the events of infidelity, helping both partners to understand the factors that may surround it.

Effective communication can be one of the most difficult, yet helpful things to repair during such a time of distress. The disconnect in communication after an affair can be mended through guided talk therapy.

For the individual who is dealing with the pain of such an unexpected event, therapy can help build healthy coping skills for the initial trauma that will continue into the future. Patience and mindfulness can become key parts of this process, as well.

Chana can help you gain stability and get in touch with your emotional sensitivities after an affair.

Although some may decide that they may not want to continue in the relationship, counseling can help you develop a plan to move on in a peaceful manner. If a couple does decide that the relationship can be mended, therapy provides a structured, productive environment to do so.

Both partners’ needs can be considered while trust can be restored through a holistic, mindful approach. Chana Pfeifer offers healing treatment from the comfort of your home or in-office while following all social distancing guidelines.

If you have experienced or are currently facing the distressing effects of infidelity, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers can be defined as memories, thoughts, situations or experiences that cause significant distress.

Although they can be a component of trauma-related conditions such as PTSD, they also play a role in anxiety and depression. Whether associated with a traumatic experience of the past or amplified by anxiety, emotional triggers can have negative effects in your life.

The reactivity you may feel to certain events or memories can manifest in a variety of ways.

Emotional outbursts may be directed at others or turned inwards, resulting in immense discomfort. The continued cycle of triggers, distress and avoidance can be exhausting in itself, leaving little space to understand or reduce their frequency and severity.

Common reactions to emotional triggers may include fear, sadness, anger or any number of intense emotions. It may manifest in a physical sense similar to anxiety, with reactions such as a racing heart, nausea, sweating, shaking and/or shortness of breath. When triggered, it may be easy to lash out at others, provoking even more tension and emotional turmoil.

Although one’s immediate reaction to such unpleasant experiences may be to limit exposure to such stressors, avoidance can lead to additional anxiety. It’s important to understand and develop strategies that can help mitigate the stress and fear associated with such situations. Rather than letting such apprehension disrupt your daily activities, learning healthy coping mechanisms can bring immense healing.

A fresh perspective can make a difference in your perception of emotional triggers. Although some triggers may not have a clear origin, taking the time to explore them in a calm, safe environment can be the key to unlocking their mystery.

The guidance of a counselor can help you decode, process and heal from emotional triggers.

In addition to providing a comfortable space to heal from past traumas, therapy can help you develop a holistic plan for the future. Through therapy, one can begin to recognize and take control over situations and memories that trigger emotional discomfort.

Chana Pfeifer can help you begin healing from the effects of triggers and emotional stressors. Together, you can develop a robust plan to experience relief and learn strategies to cope with potential emotional triggers.

Chana offers virtual and in-person, socially-distanced counseling services with a therapeutic plan customized to your individual needs. If you are struggling with the effects of emotional triggers, don’t hesitate to contact Chana today to begin your journey of healing.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Couples Therapy During Lockdown

The stresses associated with lockdown amidst a global pandemic can have a significant effect on relationships. At first, social isolation with your partner may be a blissful escape from the daily routine; Over time, this constant proximity can lead to new difficulties, and previously unaddressed issues can become magnified. If you are having difficulties quarantining, perhaps consider couples therapy during lockdown.

counseling for depressionThe daily routines of most individuals have been abruptly altered by the parameters of lockdown.

A majority of common activities have been effectively cancelled, promoting an increased sense of loneliness and decreased ability to experience normalcy.

Increased divorce rates around the globe have been attributed to the stresses of lockdown, which may also play a role in depression and anxiety.

While enjoying time with your partner can reduce feelings of solitude, a lack of personal space can lead to increased contention and frustration.

Personal relaxation time can become virtually nonexistent, especially if there are also children staying at home. Tempers and anxieties may become amplified, bringing anger and stress to everyday activities.

Financial adversity can be another major source of conflict within a relationship. Millions of workers have become unemployed due to economic disruptions from the global pandemic. This additional economic hardship can cause couples to clash over finances, while leaving many stressed due to the difficulties of reduced income.

Maintaining a healthy dynamic with your partner is significantly more difficult amidst lockdown. Putting off such issues can just cause them to get increasingly worse over time.

If you’re experiencing conflict with your partner, separation isn’t the only option. Couples therapy during lockdown can help you create balance & achieve a sense of peace within your relationship.

Whatever conflicts you may be facing, therapy can help you mitigate these tensions in a calm, safe environment. Chana Pfeifer can help you address your issues as a couple while attending to the individual needs of each partner.

If you feel you’re growing apart as a couple, therapy can help you rekindle healthy communication.

Chana offers both virtual and in-person therapy. Sessions conducted virtually from your own home can be a convenient and easy option to start counseling. Chana also sees couples in her Long Island, NY office while adhering to all social distancing guidelines.

If you are experiencing relationship issues during these stressful times, don’t hesitate to contact a social worker to experience healing and regain lasting strength as a couple.

Panic Attacks

If you’ve suffered from a panic attack before or have witnessed someone you care about go through one, you know that it’s a rough thing to deal with.

There are a significant amount of people who suffer from panic disorder.

With panic disorder, people obviously have panic attacks. However, if you have experienced a panic attack before, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have panic disorder. It could just have been an isolated incident, not reoccurring for the rest of your life.

A panic attack is where you experience an incredible sense of fear.

When confronted with danger, your body goes into either fight, flight, or freeze responses. With panic attacks, you are just flying. Your body experiences the same feelings it would have if for example, someone was trying to mug you, except there is no one mugging you or chasing after you. There’s no discernible reason why you should be feeling this onset of crippling fear, but you’re experiencing it nonetheless. In other words, there is no tangible thing happening in that moment to cause you such fear.

Panic attack symptoms can last for up to an hour, leaving sufferers feeling drained. Some people may think they’re having a heart attack, which is quite scary to say the least.

If you have more than 4 of these symptoms, you may be having a panic attack:

  • heart pounding
  • shaking
  • dizziness
  • sweating
  • choking
  • nausea
  • short breath
  • chest pain
  • numbness
  • chills
  • hot flashes
  • feeling like you’re going crazy, about to die, etc.

If you’re having panic attacks on a regular basis, you may have panic disorder.

One theory why people may develop panic disorder is if they experienced a traumatic event in their lives that was never dealt with psychologically. Stored feelings that someone may have had at one point continually gets revisited.

Or, even worrying about your next panic attack can actually bring one on! There is a link to agoraphobia simply because of this fear of having a panic attack again. Just the fear of having one before can lead to more in the future. So, it is a cyclical problem.

If you do have a panic disorder, you may have a hard time getting your family or friends to understand it. They might under react to the severity of your issues. Saying, “it’s all in your head”, or “just calm down”. Whatever the case, it can make you feel as if you’re alone.

Just know that, you are never alone, even if you feel that way.

There’s always ways to receive help, talk to people who understand you, and surround yourself with others who are supportive of you.

Seeking a therapist to discuss things with is a great way to start the process of healing.

The silver lining in all of this is that panic attacks are treatable.

They can be helped through cognitive behavioral therapy. We can uncover the reasons behind your panic attacks, which is a huge step. When you want to overcome something, you need to understand it.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Establishing Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essentially you protecting / treating yourself kindly.

If somebody hurts you, or crosses a line with you, how do you react?

Lots of people may feel it’s easier just to let some things go when they are hurt. You may think that it’s not that important to bring something up. But in doing that, if someone has truly hurt you, you’re really just saying that you don’t matter.

The problem is, most of us haven’t learned how to set boundaries. Children aren’t given the tools. Maybe you’ve even seen negative examples of that with your own parents. Most of us aren’t modeled healthy boundaries in our households growing up. So, we have to put in the work now.

First off, setting a boundary is not a confrontation.

A confrontation is when someone aggressively approaches you ready for a fight. A boundary teaches other people how we want to be treated. In other words, it is letting other people know what is ok with you and what is not.

If you see yourself as important, then setting boundaries for your well-being should be important.

How much value do you have for yourself? If you don’t have self-worth, then boundaries aren’t necessary to begin with. So, you need to realize that you do matter and that your well-being is important.

Below are just a few helpful ways to define and set boundaries.

Build up your self-esteem.

You need to be able to feel valuable in order to set a boundary. Find ways to build up your inner self, whether it’s exercise, crafts, dancing, singing; whatever it is, do it for you. Once you are clear with your sense of self and in tune with your worth, establishing boundaries will be easier.

Establish what your non-negotiables are.

It’s important in any relationship to understand the other person’s perspective. However, you need to define what is good for you beforehand, so that your decision is grounded and unswayed. Figure out how you want to be treated instead of how it’s happening to you now. Clearly define what is offensive to you so that you know what to set a boundary about.

Shift your thinking… It’s not war.

Try not to make anyone “enemies”, realize that they’re just different from you. You don’t ever want to have a “we’re right” and “they’re wrong” mentality. That’s never going to build any bridges.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Dealing with Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, in other words, social phobia, is a condition in which social interactions cause one to have irrational, intense, and persistent anxiety. People who feel this way have a fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in social or performance situations. The worry is so great that physical symptoms may occur like blushing, sweating, stuttering, etc.

“You can’t go back to change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – CS Lewis

Everyone may have an inkling of social anxiety at times, the thing to look at is whether this affects your quality of life. For instance, you may feel anxiety meeting a new person or a group of people one night out. Or, you have a job interview or performance which is making you feel anxious. These are normal feelings to have in life. However, if your social anxiety is so great that you don’t go out to meet that new person, or don’t show up for that interview, then your anxiety may be doing yourself a disservice.

In another example, maybe you feel anxiety when you’re pressured to do something socially that you don’t wish to do. Holidays, family or work events can be a few instances in which this occurs.

Also, don’t forget about social media and how that generally makes you feel.

Everyone is comparing themselves to the masses, all the time. Do you feel pressured to post to social media daily? Maybe you receive negative comments online or are afraid of what the general public posts on your pages. How is your mood after scrolling through timelines? What about your body image? Does it change after being on social platforms? You may feel anxiety when your friends/coworkers/other people post pictures of you that you didn’t sign off on on their profiles. The many ways that anxiety can stem from social media is massive.

So what causes social anxiety in the first place?

While the reasons can be many, below are just a few causes:

  • bullying
  • sexual abuse
  • family conflict
  • traumatic social interaction in the past
  • sometimes, it can be learned from seeing your parents have it

Social anxiety is treatable, so there is hope.

Through therapy, you can learn to minimize your anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Self Care for Mental Health

love advice - self care tips

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Taking care of your mental health, just like your physical health, is a necessity.

Self care relies on increased self awareness.

Practicing self awareness can help you recognize patterns in your behavior or emotions, including events or situations that can trigger symptoms of depression, anxiety, sadness, etc.

Putting “me time” on the back burner is a big part of why we can all feel run-down, frenzied, and overwhelmed.

For additional info. on counseling, call me (516) 592-1107 or email me here.

Follow Chana on Facebook!

self care for mental health

Looking for ways to practice caring for yourself more?

Below are just a few examples of ways to practice self care. Take time to experiment. See what really works for you.

Sleep More

Gut Health

Exercise Often

Go Outside

Clean & Reorder

Avoid Triggers

Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself.

It’s not selfish to make your health a priority. You will be better able to help others when you are your healthiest.

Short Meditation For People With Busy Minds with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Mental Health During Coronavirus - Just listen & pray, that's all we can do.

Dealing with Triggering Events of Divorce

How do you deal with triggering events of divorce that occur when you don’t have a normal family and we’re coping with the emotions of being divorced, co-parenting, COVID-19, and all the related challenges? There’s always triggers from the outside world, so what’s your advice on that?

Part of that is PLANNING AHEAD.

For example, if there’s a holiday coming up, ask if you’re having the kids or not. Also, recognize what the triggers were last year or if this is new, realize what might be difficult for you. Figure out how to surround yourself with people who can support you the way you need.

Rather than pretending that everything’s going to be fine or telling yourself that you’ll just get through it, sometimes, just ask for help when you need it.

Invite yourself to some one else’s house so that you’re not alone rather than waiting for that person to call you or give you an invitation if you need to be around people.

Look at your calendar and really see what may be triggering to you / what might be difficult times?

Figure out who you have in your support network or who you can enlist in your support network if you don’t have the support you need yet.

Get in the mode of being OK asking for help.

Sometimes, we need help, and that is okay. When we actually ask or help, we’re letting the other person help us and that’s nourishing for both parties.

We also have triggers with communication. Especially communication with our former spouse. Can you talk a bit about that as well?

Well, that’s partly being responsible for our own reactivity. Making sure we’re not exhausted, annoyed, stressed, hungry or anything like that before talking with someone. We’re responsible for not being insulting.

In Imago Relationship Therapy, we make appointments before speaking with someone so that we’re both present and respectful of each other’s time and availability. You simply just ask, “Is now a good time?”

Personal responsibility will affect the caliber of our communication with difficult people in our lives.

Too often we find people who point the finger and look to blame, and not look at the fact that there’s different ways to address the issues and those differences can make all the difference in the outcome.

Practice looking at yourself and thinking, what can I do differently? You can’t control any other person than yourself. So, how do you control yourself? How do you become aware of your own personal triggering events of divorce?

For info. on post-divorce counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

NY Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Chana Pfeifer, Long Island social worker, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer has been a therapist for over 24 years and specializes in relationships.

Her specific training is called Imago Relationship Therapy created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. She ‘tripped’ over the approach when she was miserably married and going through 5 different couples’ therapists.

Below are a questions answered by Chana on Business Talk Radio:

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, Long Island on Business Talk RadioHow has the COVID-19 pandemic affected your business?

I’ll confess.. I have hated Zoom in some ways. There’s nothing like an energetic exchange with a live person, but Zoom has allowed me to work through the pandemic. I’m teaching a college class to 7 girls via Zoom and I’m pleasantly surprised how well it’s going (from my perspective).

Us therapists are struggling with sitting with uncertainty & all the same issues our clients are suffering with.

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Where do you see yourself in the near future?

One day I hope to resume my plans of doing premarital workshops so that we do a preventative work. For a drivers license, a person needs a written and practical test yet for a marriage, we just need a license. Most of us have not grown up in healthy relationships and I believe we can all use relationship training. I really believe this can prevent tremendous pain. I’m really grateful for what I’ve learned and how I can help people show up differently.

Chana sees adults live in her indoor / outdoor offices with social distancing, and also on Zoom & FaceTime.

Chana’s business locations are in Nassau County, NY
(two offices: one in West Hempstead & one in Cedarhurst, NY)

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account