Blog ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

Couples Therapy During Lockdown

The stresses associated with lockdown amidst a global pandemic can have a significant effect on relationships. At first, social isolation with your partner may be a blissful escape from the daily routine; Over time, this constant proximity can lead to new difficulties, and previously unaddressed issues can become magnified. If you are having difficulties quarantining, perhaps consider couples therapy during lockdown.

The daily routines of most individuals have been abruptly altered by the parameters of lockdown.

A majority of common activities have been effectively cancelled, promoting an increased sense of loneliness and decreased ability to experience normalcy.

Increased divorce rates around the globe have been attributed to the stresses of lockdown, which may also play a role in depression and anxiety.

While enjoying time with your partner can reduce feelings of solitude, a lack of personal space can lead to increased contention and frustration.

Personal relaxation time can become virtually nonexistent, especially if there are also children staying at home. Tempers and anxieties may become amplified, bringing anger and stress to everyday activities.

Financial adversity can be another major source of conflict within a relationship. Millions of workers have become unemployed due to economic disruptions from the global pandemic. This additional economic hardship can cause couples to clash over finances, while leaving many stressed due to the difficulties of reduced income.

Maintaining a healthy dynamic with your partner is significantly more difficult amidst lockdown. Putting off such issues can just cause them to get increasingly worse over time.

If you’re experiencing conflict with your partner, separation isn’t the only option. Couples therapy during lockdown can help you create balance & achieve a sense of peace within your relationship.

Whatever conflicts you may be facing, therapy can help you mitigate these tensions in a calm, safe environment. Chana Pfeifer can help you address your issues as a couple while attending to the individual needs of each partner.

If you feel you’re growing apart as a couple, therapy can help you rekindle healthy communication.

Chana offers both virtual and in-person therapy. Sessions conducted virtually from your own home can be a convenient and easy option to start counseling. Chana also sees couples in her Long Island, NY office while adhering to all social distancing guidelines.

If you are experiencing relationship issues during these stressful times, don’t hesitate to contact a social worker to experience healing and regain lasting strength as a couple.

Panic Attacks

If you’ve suffered from a panic attack before or have witnessed someone you care about go through one, you know that it’s a rough thing to deal with.

There are a significant amount of people who suffer from panic disorder.

With panic disorder, people obviously have panic attacks. However, if you have experienced a panic attack before, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have panic disorder. It could just have been an isolated incident, not reoccurring for the rest of your life.

A panic attack is where you experience an incredible sense of fear.

When confronted with danger, your body goes into either fight, flight, or freeze responses. With panic attacks, you are just flying. Your body experiences the same feelings it would have if for example, someone was trying to mug you, except there is no one mugging you or chasing after you. There’s no discernible reason why you should be feeling this onset of crippling fear, but you’re experiencing it nonetheless. In other words, there is no tangible thing happening in that moment to cause you such fear.

Panic attack symptoms can last for up to an hour, leaving sufferers feeling drained. Some people may think they’re having a heart attack, which is quite scary to say the least.

If you have more than 4 of these symptoms, you may be having a panic attack:

heart pounding
shaking
dizziness
sweating
choking
nausea
short breath
chest pain
numbness
chills
hot flashes
feeling like you’re going crazy, about to die, etc.

If you’re having panic attacks on a regular basis, you may have panic disorder.

One theory why people may develop panic disorder is if they experienced a traumatic event in their lives that was never dealt with psychologically. Stored feelings that someone may have had at one point continually gets revisited.

Or, even worrying about your next panic attack can actually bring one on! There is a link to agoraphobia simply because of this fear of having a panic attack again. Just the fear of having one before can lead to more in the future. So, it is a cyclical problem.

If you do have a panic disorder, you may have a hard time getting your family or friends to understand it. They might under react to the severity of your issues. Saying, “it’s all in your head”, or “just calm down”. Whatever the case, it can make you feel as if you’re alone.

Just know that, you are never alone, even if you feel that way.

There’s always ways to receive help, talk to people who understand you, and surround yourself with others who are supportive of you.

Seeking a therapist to discuss things with is a great way to start the process of healing.

The silver lining in all of this is that panic attacks are treatable.

They can be helped through cognitive behavioral therapy. We can uncover the reasons behind your panic attacks, which is a huge step. When you want to overcome something, you need to understand it.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Establishing Boundaries

Establishing boundaries is essentially you protecting / treating yourself kindly.

If somebody hurts you, or crosses a line with you, how do you react?

Lots of people may feel it’s easier just to let some things go when they are hurt. You may think that it’s not that important to bring something up. But in doing that, if someone has truly hurt you, you’re really just saying that you don’t matter.

The problem is, most of us haven’t learned how to set boundaries. Children aren’t given the tools. Maybe you’ve even seen negative examples of that with your own parents. Most of us aren’t modeled healthy boundaries in our households growing up. So, we have to put in the work now.

First off, setting a boundary is not a confrontation.

A confrontation is when someone aggressively approaches you ready for a fight. A boundary teaches other people how we want to be treated. In other words, it is letting other people know what is ok with you and what is not.

If you see yourself as important, then setting boundaries for your well-being should be important.

How much value do you have for yourself? If you don’t have self-worth, then boundaries aren’t necessary to begin with. So, you need to realize that you do matter and that your well-being is important.

Below are just a few helpful ways to define and set boundaries.

Build up your self-esteem.

You need to be able to feel valuable in order to set a boundary. Find ways to build up your inner self, whether it’s exercise, crafts, dancing, singing; whatever it is, do it for you. Once you are clear with your sense of self and in tune with your worth, establishing boundaries will be easier.

Establish what your non-negotiables are.

It’s important in any relationship to understand the other person’s perspective. However, you need to define what is good for you beforehand, so that your decision is grounded and unswayed. Figure out how you want to be treated instead of how it’s happening to you now. Clearly define what is offensive to you so that you know what to set a boundary about.

Shift your thinking… It’s not war.

Try not to make anyone “enemies”, realize that they’re just different from you. You don’t ever want to have a “we’re right” and “they’re wrong” mentality. That’s never going to build any bridges.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Dealing with Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, in other words, social phobia, is a condition in which social interactions cause one to have irrational, intense, and persistent anxiety. People who feel this way have a fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in social or performance situations. The worry is so great that physical symptoms may occur like blushing, sweating, stuttering, etc.

“You can’t go back to change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – CS Lewis

Everyone may have an inkling of social anxiety at times, the thing to look at is whether this affects your quality of life. For instance, you may feel anxiety meeting a new person or a group of people one night out. Or, you have a job interview or performance which is making you feel anxious. These are normal feelings to have in life. However, if your social anxiety is so great that you don’t go out to meet that new person, or don’t show up for that interview, then your anxiety may be doing yourself a disservice.

In another example, maybe you feel anxiety when you’re pressured to do something socially that you don’t wish to do. Holidays, family or work events can be a few instances in which this occurs.

Also, don’t forget about social media and how that generally makes you feel.

Everyone is comparing themselves to the masses, all the time. Do you feel pressured to post to social media daily? Maybe you receive negative comments online or are afraid of what the general public posts on your pages. How is your mood after scrolling through timelines? What about your body image? Does it change after being on social platforms? You may feel anxiety when your friends/coworkers/other people post pictures of you that you didn’t sign off on on their profiles. The many ways that anxiety can stem from social media is massive.

So what causes social anxiety in the first place?

While the reasons can be many, below are just a few causes:

bullying
sexual abuse
family conflict
traumatic social interaction in the past
sometimes, it can be learned from seeing your parents have it

Social anxiety is treatable, so there is hope.

Through therapy, you can learn to minimize your anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Self Care for Mental Health

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Taking care of your mental health, just like your physical health, is a necessity.

Self care relies on increased self awareness.

Practicing self awareness can help you recognize patterns in your behavior or emotions, including events or situations that can trigger symptoms of depression, anxiety, sadness, etc.

Putting “me time” on the back burner is a big part of why we can all feel run-down, frenzied, and overwhelmed.

For additional info. on counseling, call me (516) 592-1107 or email me here.

Follow Chana on Facebook!

Looking for ways to practice caring for yourself more?

Below are just a few examples of ways to practice self care. Take time to experiment. See what really works for you.

Sleep More

Gut Health

Exercise Often

Go Outside

Clean & Reorder

Avoid Triggers

Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself.

It’s not selfish to make your health a priority. You will be better able to help others when you are your healthiest.

Short Meditation For People With Busy Minds with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Mental Health During Coronavirus - Just listen & pray, that's all we can do.

Dealing with Triggering Events of Divorce

How do you deal with triggering events of divorce that occur when you don’t have a normal family and we’re coping with the emotions of being divorced, co-parenting, COVID-19, and all the related challenges? There’s always triggers from the outside world, so what’s your advice on that?

Part of that is PLANNING AHEAD.

For example, if there’s a holiday coming up, ask if you’re having the kids or not. Also, recognize what the triggers were last year or if this is new, realize what might be difficult for you. Figure out how to surround yourself with people who can support you the way you need.

Rather than pretending that everything’s going to be fine or telling yourself that you’ll just get through it, sometimes, just ask for help when you need it.

Invite yourself to some one else’s house so that you’re not alone rather than waiting for that person to call you or give you an invitation if you need to be around people.

Look at your calendar and really see what may be triggering to you / what might be difficult times?

Figure out who you have in your support network or who you can enlist in your support network if you don’t have the support you need yet.

Get in the mode of being OK asking for help.

Sometimes, we need help, and that is okay. When we actually ask or help, we’re letting the other person help us and that’s nourishing for both parties.

We also have triggers with communication. Especially communication with our former spouse. Can you talk a bit about that as well?

Well, that’s partly being responsible for our own reactivity. Making sure we’re not exhausted, annoyed, stressed, hungry or anything like that before talking with someone. We’re responsible for not being insulting.

In Imago Relationship Therapy, we make appointments before speaking with someone so that we’re both present and respectful of each other’s time and availability. You simply just ask, “Is now a good time?”

Personal responsibility will affect the caliber of our communication with difficult people in our lives.

Too often we find people who point the finger and look to blame, and not look at the fact that there’s different ways to address the issues and those differences can make all the difference in the outcome.

Practice looking at yourself and thinking, what can I do differently? You can’t control any other person than yourself. So, how do you control yourself? How do you become aware of your own personal triggering events of divorce?

For info. on post-divorce counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

NY Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Chana Pfeifer, Long Island social worker, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer has been a therapist for over 24 years and specializes in relationships.

Her specific training is called Imago Relationship Therapy created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. She ‘tripped’ over the approach when she was miserably married and going through 5 different couples’ therapists.

Below are a questions answered by Chana on Business Talk Radio:

How has the COVID-19 pandemic affected your business?

I’ll confess.. I have hated Zoom in some ways. There’s nothing like an energetic exchange with a live person, but Zoom has allowed me to work through the pandemic. I’m teaching a college class to 7 girls via Zoom and I’m pleasantly surprised how well it’s going (from my perspective).

Us therapists are struggling with sitting with uncertainty & all the same issues our clients are suffering with.

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Where do you see yourself in the near future?

One day I hope to resume my plans of doing premarital workshops so that we do a preventative work. For a drivers license, a person needs a written and practical test yet for a marriage, we just need a license. Most of us have not grown up in healthy relationships and I believe we can all use relationship training. I really believe this can prevent tremendous pain. I’m really grateful for what I’ve learned and how I can help people show up differently.

Chana sees adults live in her indoor / outdoor offices with social distancing, and also on Zoom & FaceTime.

Chana’s business locations are in Nassau County, NY
(two offices: one in West Hempstead & one in Cedarhurst, NY)

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Seeking Help for Depression

Do you find it difficult to function in your day to day life?

Have you lost interest in the activities which used to be fun?

Do you find it tough to get up from your bed?

Seeking help for depression is the first step to making a change.

Depression is much more than sadness.

It includes changes in mood and also changes in sleep, energy, appetite, concentration, and motivation.

If your symptoms are causing issues with your relationships or work, and you don’t see a solution; consider seeing a professional counselor.

Talk Therapy

To start, it’s confidential. Therapists are not allowed to release your personal information. This will help you trust your therapist, and you can describe your problems openly to them.

They are not going to judge you & their opinions are solely to help you with your difficulties.

Also, with talk therapy, you can consult a professional who will give you extra support and guidance to point out the factors that contribute to your depression. They will work with you to understand and solve these problems.

Lifestyle Changes

Here’s some lifestyle changes that can be used along with therapy:

● Get enough sleep
● Eat healthily
● Exercise regularly
● Avoid alcohol & drugs
● Meditation

Depression can make it difficult for you to even reach out for help. When you are going through depression, the tendency is to isolate, which makes it hard to connect close family members and friends. Sometimes, even talking and pouring out your feelings can look like a difficult task.

Here are a couple of things you can do along with counseling:

● Join a support group: No one can understand your situation better than another person going through the same. You will find people going through the same type of issue as you or similar.
● Indulge in social activities (online or offline): Depression makes it hard to indulge in social activities, but being around other people will make you feel better. Go out for a walk, join a hobby class, or maybe join a local book club.
● Bring a pet home: Pets can fill your life with love and compassion. Having a furry companion can reduce your sense of isolation.

For more info. on counseling for depression, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

How to deal with stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other emotions of divorce.

Emotions of Divorce: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is giving us a lot of insight into the human condition during divorce & during the experiences of the aftermath of divorce on the Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show.

A question that I often get is:

How people can best deal with the stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other related emotions of being divorced.

What can you tell us about that?

So unfortunately, feeling like a failure and shame, they’re real…

It’s a public kind of demonstration where there’s a box that you have to check when you fill out basic applications. So really being aware of our feelings around that and our role in our marriage not working out. Rather than pretending that those feelings aren’t there, to deal with them and what were you responsible for in our relationship and how do we be proactive to manage those feelings differently.

Also really choosing to almost have like an invisible armor that if people give you a look, or certain judgments, be aware of that relationship space and that feeling of being judged and do we take that on or do we not?

We can consciously again be aware of our reactivity of us feeling like a failure, of us taking on the body language or choosing not to and saying, you know what, it didn’t work out and this is a new chapter and this is what I’m grateful for.

Or not having to give an explanation but really choosing do I participate in that energy or am I really comfortable with where am and it’s wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but at the same time, you know what? Here I am and I’m going to try to choose to move forward rather than getting stuck in that negativity, which doesn’t really serve us but it is there and pretending that it’s not, it’s hard.

I think in addition, we should be monitoring what we’re telling ourself because a lot of what’s behind those feelings of shame and blame and stigma or telling ourselves that we’re different, we don’t belong. We were a failure in our marriage or whatever that labeling is and that we can be very abusive to ourselves. Can we not?

Oh my gosh, we are our worst critics. Again, rather than pretending that those messages don’t go through our head, being aware, oh, there they are, and how am I choosing to show up differently? What are the positive messages that I want to give myself instead? I am lovable, I am successful, I am making healthy choices. We choose to be our own worst critic & maybe we want to show up differently.

Can I add another statement that something to the effect of, I’m still a good mother or father. Despite the divorce, I continue to be a valuable positive parent despite the divorce and reminding ourselves that the divorce does not judge my capability of parenting the children that I love.

Yes, 100%. When they quote the statistics about children of divorced parents, again that may be accurate to a certain extent, but they are individuals in this and how do we choose to show up given the knowledge that it is harder to parent when you have two separate households and what can we do differently rather than, well why bother because we’re divorced and I ruined everything.

Really thinking about how can we help show up as parents given that we do have two separate households and looking at the success cases. What are the success cases? Who does it well, I mean I had a friend who when it was not invoked, really demonstrated co-parenting beautifully that their divorce was not about, you know, I hate you, etc. It was really like, we are not good for each other, the energy is toxic and let’s parent our child the best that we can without fighting as much as possible. But let’s try to be on the same page. That’s really what’s best for the kids. So and it’s best for us too.

For additional info. on therapy, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Ways to Cope with Anxiety

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW & Anxiety Therapist in Long Island, New York.

Everyone experiences anxiety at some point. It’s quite normal to feel anxious, as stress is a common part of it and life. We generally call that worrying. But worrying becomes a disorder when it gets excessive or irrational. In other words, when it persists for a consistent period of time and interferes with your daily lifestyle and activities.

For instance, you fail to function normally due to lack of concentration, unwanted thoughts that you’re unable to control, and detachment from the present reality. So you end up not getting your chores done, procrastinating, or being disorganized from constantly focusing on things going on in your head.

If you think these points resonate with you then you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. But don’t worry, there are a couple of ways to help you out of it.

Identifying Your Problem

The first step as a solution to any problem is always identifying it. If you have identified your problem as suffering from anxiety, congratulations on getting this far. Many people go most (sometimes, all) of their lives not dealing with or recognizing their issues.

It is fairly common for mental health to be stigmatized in many countries due to a lack of awareness. If you say you are anxious or depressed, you are often just told to simply “get over it” or that “it’s all in your head”. Sure, it is all in your head, but it’s very hard to break out of habits and change thought patterns. Most people do not acknowledge it even if they probably understand it.

The Right Anxiety Therapist

Honestly, therapy takes time, and finding a therapist who suits you is also another struggle. There isn’t a definite amount of time that therapy can guarantee your improvement— as it is different for everyone. So finding the right anxiety therapist is important. Don’t be discouraged if the first time you try, it doesn’t feel like it’s working. There’s plenty of counselors to choose from.

Self-Help & Self-Care

Self-help is probably one of the most beneficial ways to cope with your anxiety but it is also among the hardest. It requires a lot of determination and motivation that simply lacks in most people affected. For people suffering from anxiety, it is almost impossible for them to do things that seem pretty easy and normal for others.

For example, whenever you’re anxious, try deep breathing and counting them to create a distraction. This is why experts recommend practicing mindfulness so one can bring themselves in touch with their feelings and learn to have control over them.

Self-care is also very important in all of this. Self-care can mean different things to different people. Such as, taking time for solitude or seeing friends, getting a massage or your nails done, working out or taking a class, reading, writing in a journal, etc. Whatever it is that creates calmness within you, you should schedule this time into your life because it’s one of the most important things to do for yourself, however silly it may seem to others.

The right therapy will boost your self-confidence.

When you see yourself making progress in being able to control your thoughts and actions, it ends up boosting your morale. That’s important because self-confidence plays a key role in anxiety disorders. Lots of people with low self-esteem are prone to experiencing it. Therefore, working on that and self-care should be of utmost priority in managing anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account