Tag: counselor West Hempstead

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when an individual holds two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This inconsistency between what a person thinks and how they behave can cause discomfort, tension, or anxiety.

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs.

The concept of cognitive dissonance was first introduced by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Festinger proposed that people strive for internal consistency and that when they encounter conflicting information, they experience dissonance.

Types of Cognitive Dissonance

  • Pre-decision dissonance: occurs before making a decision, when an individual is torn between conflicting options.
  • Post-decision dissonance: occurs after making a decision, when an individual may question their choice.
  • Belief dissonance: occurs when an individual’s beliefs are challenged or contradicted.

Consequences of Cognitive Dissonance

  • Dissonance reduction: individuals may change their attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors to reduce the discomfort caused by dissonance.
  • Rationalization: individuals may create justifications or excuses to alleviate the discomfort caused by dissonance.
  • Denial: individuals may refuse to acknowledge or accept the conflicting information.

Here are some examples of cognitive dissonance in relationships:

Romantic Relationships:

  • Staying in an abusive relationship: A person knows that their partner is abusive, but they stay in the relationship because they believe they love their partner or don’t want to be alone.
  • Ignoring infidelity: A person knows that their partner is cheating on them, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or lose the relationship.
  • Downplaying partner’s flaws: A person knows that their partner has significant flaws, but they downplay or justify them because they want to believe that their partner is perfect.

Friendships:

  • Ignoring a friend’s toxic behavior: A person knows that their friend is toxic or manipulative, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront their friend or lose the friendship.
  • Justifying a friend’s bad decisions: A person knows that their friend is making bad decisions, but they justify or enable them because they don’t want to be seen as judgmental.
  • Staying in a one-sided friendship: A person knows that their friendship is one-sided, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be alone or lose the friendship.

Family Relationships:

  • Ignoring a family member’s addiction: A person knows that a family member is struggling with addiction, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
  • Justifying a family member’s abusive behavior: A person knows that a family member is abusive, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
  • Staying in a toxic family dynamic: A person knows that their family dynamic is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be ostracized or lose their family.

Workplace Relationships:

  • Ignoring a coworker’s bullying behavior: A person knows that a coworker is bullying others, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
  • Justifying a manager’s unfair treatment: A person knows that their manager is treating them unfairly, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to rock the boat or lose their job.
  • Staying in a toxic work environment: A person knows that their work environment is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to lose their job or benefits.
By understanding cognitive dissonance, individuals can become more aware of their own thought processes and take steps to reduce discomfort and promote internal consistency.

For more information on counseling, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY.

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Handling Distress with Radical Acceptance to Stay Balanced

Sometimes you’ll run into a problem that’s simply out of your control. It can be easy to think, “This isn’t fair..” or “I shouldn’t have this problem..” That kind of mindset only prolongs the pain and the problem. Instead of focusing on your negative emotions, practice radical acceptance in the present moment.

Example: you are in horrible traffic on your way home from work. Instead of becoming belligerent about the situation you are literally stuck in, focus on how you can enjoy this very moment for what it is. Do you listen to a long but intellectual podcast? Do you call someone you haven’t spoken with in a while? Spin the negative situation into a positive and you’ll practice radical acceptance for what it is.

Pain on its own can be difficult. But it’s only when you don’t accept it that it turns into suffering.

Practicing non-attachment does not mean not feeling your emotions. Rather, it refers to an intention of not allowing your pain to turn into suffering.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Radical acceptance refers to a healthier way of thinking during already stressful situations. Instead of focusing on how you’d like something / someone to be different, recognize and accept the situation as it is right now. Remember: accepting is not the same as liking or condoning it.

When a person utilizes denial or another defense mechanism, they often end up feeling worse and in more distress because they’re not accepting the reality of the situation. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you see the present moment for what it is and look at it more objectively, rather than purely emotionally.

Learning to accept problems (as they are right now) that are out of your control, will lead to less anxiety, anger, and sadness while you’re dealing with them.

If you’d like information on individual counseling in Long Island, New York, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Dealing with the Emotional Impact of Divorce

Dealing with the Emotional Impact of Divorce with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Divorce has its own unique impact on you, your children, and even other family members and friends.

Staying strong during this difficult time is possible. Counseling is a resource that can help you deal with the emotional impact of divorce.

Counseling gives you the space to open up.

Talking with a professional therapist gives you a safe place to share your feelings. You can talk about anything you want and not have to worry about your counselor judging you. Counseling gives you the space to talk about emotions you may not usually express in everyday life, such as anger or sadness. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes us feel better after a divorce, but sometimes just being able to let off steam is really important!

Seeing a licensed social worker provides confidentiality.

You don’t have to worry about sharing personal details with people who may not be so understanding or private, like family / friends. When talking with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, everything you say is 100% confidential.

A counselor can help you restore your confidence and self-esteem.

The emotional impact of divorce can take a toll on your confidence, self-esteem, and general sense of self-worth. When talking with a counselor, you begin to restore areas in your life that bring you joy. Whether it’s starting a new hobby, resurrecting an old hobby, or setting a new goal for yourself, once you start achieving things on your own, you’ll notice that your self-worth grows as well. Raising your self-esteem will give you a more positive outlook on life overall.

Counselors will help you evaluate the role that your own behavior played in the relationship breakdown.

Gain insight into how certain behaviors may have contributed to the divorce, so that you can learn from them now and avoid making similar mistakes in future relationships.

Counseling helps you develop coping skills to deal with stress and anxiety.

Coping skills provide an outlet for your feelings instead of suppressing them or letting them build up inside you. They can include things like meditation, singing, exercise, journaling or even just taking a walk in nature.

When we suppress our emotions, it builds up inside us like steam in a pressure cooker, until eventually, we explode. When we let our emotions out through healthy outlets like talk therapy or exercise class, then the steam is released without causing any damage!

Counseling can help you resolve any conflicts that arise between you and your ex while minimizing the impact on your children.

Counselors understand the importance of communication in a divorce situation, especially when it comes to dealing with sensitive topics like custody arrangements and child support payments. They can also provide guidance on how to communicate effectively with your ex so that any agreements reached are enforceable by the court.

In addition to helping parents navigate conflict resolution, counselors can also help them develop positive relationships with each other’s families and friends. This is especially important if there is an existing bond between your spouse’s mother or father, who may be willing to assist in raising the kids while they’re at school during the day or getting ready for bed at night.

Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re struggling with the emotional impact of divorce, professional counseling can help you move forward in a healthy way. With the right support, you can learn how to manage stress and anxiety, develop positive coping skills for dealing with difficult emotions—including depression—and even make peace with your ex as you work together to raise your children.

Reach out to get the help that will give you a bright future after divorce.

Conversational Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy

Here is an example of how conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy works. This type of dialogue can be applied to appreciations, like in this video, and also for dealing with disagreements. It can be used for couples and also for any type of relationship.

One thing I appreciate about you as a partner / spouse / significant other:

First, Leora makes an appointment with Igor:

“I’d like to dialogue with you about an appreciation I have for you, is now a good time?”

After Leora finishes her statement, Igor repeats what he hears back to her:

“What I’m hearing you say is _______________________. Did I get that?

Leora then has a chance to say whether or not Igor received her message the right way. She responds with a yes or no.

Igor then asks:

Is there more?”

This gives Leora a chance to elaborate if she feels there’s more to say.

Igor then repeats the new information back to confirm that he heard her message correctly.

That’s about it in regards to the basics of conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This lets the speakers feel heard and the listeners learn how to fully hear what their partner is saying. After the speaker is done, the roles switch and now the listener has a chance to talk.

For more info. on Imago Relationship Therapy near you, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Divorce Counseling NY

Steer away from a high-conflict divorce. Divorce Counseling NY: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is an Imago Relationship Therapist who assists individuals and couples before, during, and after a divorce.

First & foremost, divorce counselors like Chana Pfeifer help you & your partner decide if you really want or need a divorce.

Sometimes, there are new perspectives that can be achieved after effectively communicating, which can open doors you didn’t even see available.

It’s miraculous how people can change after speaking their truths and being fully heard.

Divorce counseling gives you a safe space to talk and work out what’s really happening between the two of you.

However, in the event that you already know a divorce is necessary – if there’s any abuse for example – a divorce counselor will teach you and your partner how to effectively communicate to figure out the emotional, physical, financial legalities that accompany a divorce.

Whatever the situation, the common denominator is COMMUNICATION & CONSIDERATION.

We must communicate in a healthy way in order to progress in relationships.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Don’t say it mean.

Divorce Counseling NY:  For additional info. on speaking with a counselor, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Adult Children of Narcissist Parents

Counseling for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

You may have recently come to the realization, or are beginning to suspect, that you have a parent that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a severe condition. People with narcissistic personality disorder are emotionally damaged individuals & incapable of empathy.

They have a need to be in control at all times and demand you accept their version of the world. They will act as a dictator to keep control and that depends on you not having any opinions about it to the contrary.

Narcissistic rage is a known characteristic of people with NPD. Gaslighting or shaming are common tools to keep you compliant.

Although they can be keenly aware of another person’s reactions, this doesn’t translate to them actually feeling empathy, but rather using the new information received for further manipulation. Narcissists will often cast themselves as the victim as well. This serves as a passive aggressive way to steer the story back to them while denying your experience. They do not admit having responsibility for anything and any blame is deflected onto something or someone else.

Being the child of narcissist parents have specific challenges while growing up.

counseling in NY

A narcissist’s way of overshadowing everything teaches a young child that there is no space for their own feelings. This often leads children to repress, distrust, and devalue themselves.

Narcissist parents cause enough confusion to blur your perception, making it more difficult to come out from under their umbrella of influence. It can be quite traumatizing (well into adulthood) until you can confirm your own reality. It may feel overwhelming when the veil of manipulation by a narcissist starts to lift..

Digesting these new insights is a process & best done with the help of a professional counselor, who can help steer you in the right direction of wellness.

Growing up under the shadow of narcissist parents, you have devised survival behaviors that you deemed necessary as a child. These become ingrained patterns of behavior and continue into your adult life as unconscious beliefs.

These learned habits can attract you to new relationships with similar narcissistic dynamics as your childhood. You may not be overtly aware of it because it just feels ‘natural’. The more conscious you become of the behavior patterns of narcissists, and your reactive survival patterns around them, the more you can direct your life in ways that are most healthy for you.

Healing from a parent with NPD is best when you have help rather than struggling all by yourself.

Trying to gather the confusing pieces and finding your way toward emotional freedom can feel like a daunting task.

You do not have do it alone.

Ironically, when you most could use a hand can be the hardest time to reach out for one. Please make the effort on behalf of yourself. A professional trained specifically in narcissist personality disorder can help guide you with focused strategies to carry on from current and lingering narcissistic abuse.

Having support is paramount. Support with a full understanding of the confusion, sadness or anger that coming out of the shadows of a narcissist can invoke is vital for your success. Help is available. Having a counselor by your side will help you find your strength and arm you with practical tools for you to heal and thrive.

If you feel you’re delving into depression or experiencing rage, together we can address it. Please seek a professional right away if you have feelings of hopelessness.

Professional support provides the clarity necessary to differentiate where your own boundaries lie and how you can maintain them. Reach out today and we will walk together toward the bright and promising life you deserve.

Counseling Services for NYers

Counseling Services for NYers: Chana Pfeifer in W. Hempstead, NY:

I am available for telehealth appointments (Zoom or FaceTime) or in-person appointments, as long as we’re all symptom-free in my office or in comfortable rocking chairs in my backyard.

These are really really hard times. I don’t think there’s anyone who is getting through this unscathed. It would be my honor to assist you and give you guidance to get through this difficult time. Feel free to be in touch.

Counseling Services for NYers: seeing individuals, couples and pairs. Get professional support when you need it. Secure & confidential. Payments can be made via credit card, Zelle, and Chase QuickPay.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more information on counseling services: