Tag: anxiety

Mental abuse isn’t just calling someone names…

Mental abuse isn’t just calling someone names…

It’s also ignoring them, invalidating their feelings, giving them the silent treatment, and saying things that make them doubt themselves and their own reality. It is neglecting and not considering their feelings and basically treating a person like they don’t count.

It is as damaging as physical abuse, if not more.

Mental abuse encompasses a range of manipulative and controlling behaviors that aim to undermine a person’s self-esteem, sense of reality, and overall well-being, often through tactics like gaslighting, isolation, constant criticism, threats, and intimidation, even without using explicit insults.

Key points about mental abuse:

Beyond words: While verbal abuse (including name-calling) can be a part of mental abuse, it can also manifest through non-verbal actions like ignoring, silent treatment, constant belittling, or undermining someone’s opinions.

Manipulation and control: A primary goal of mental abuse is to manipulate and control the victim by making them feel dependent on the abuser, questioning their own sanity, or isolating them from support networks.

Impact on mental health: Mental abuse can significantly harm a person’s mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.

Examples of abuse beyond name-calling:

Gaslighting: Making someone doubt their own perceptions and memories by denying reality or twisting situations.

Trivializing feelings: Dismissing someone’s emotions as “overreacting” or “being too sensitive”.

Public humiliation: Embarrassing someone in front of others through criticism or put-downs.

Threats and intimidation: Using threats of harm, leaving, or self-harm to control someone’s behavior.

Isolation tactics: Discouraging someone from spending time with friends and family.

Constant criticism: Finding fault with almost everything someone does, even when seemingly minor.

If you find yourself in an abusive situation of any kind, reach out for guidance and support in navigating next steps.

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What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when an individual holds two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This inconsistency between what a person thinks and how they behave can cause discomfort, tension, or anxiety.

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs.

The concept of cognitive dissonance was first introduced by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Festinger proposed that people strive for internal consistency and that when they encounter conflicting information, they experience dissonance.

Types of Cognitive Dissonance

  • Pre-decision dissonance: occurs before making a decision, when an individual is torn between conflicting options.
  • Post-decision dissonance: occurs after making a decision, when an individual may question their choice.
  • Belief dissonance: occurs when an individual’s beliefs are challenged or contradicted.

Consequences of Cognitive Dissonance

  • Dissonance reduction: individuals may change their attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors to reduce the discomfort caused by dissonance.
  • Rationalization: individuals may create justifications or excuses to alleviate the discomfort caused by dissonance.
  • Denial: individuals may refuse to acknowledge or accept the conflicting information.

Here are some examples of cognitive dissonance in relationships:

Romantic Relationships:

  • Staying in an abusive relationship: A person knows that their partner is abusive, but they stay in the relationship because they believe they love their partner or don’t want to be alone.
  • Ignoring infidelity: A person knows that their partner is cheating on them, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or lose the relationship.
  • Downplaying partner’s flaws: A person knows that their partner has significant flaws, but they downplay or justify them because they want to believe that their partner is perfect.

Friendships:

  • Ignoring a friend’s toxic behavior: A person knows that their friend is toxic or manipulative, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront their friend or lose the friendship.
  • Justifying a friend’s bad decisions: A person knows that their friend is making bad decisions, but they justify or enable them because they don’t want to be seen as judgmental.
  • Staying in a one-sided friendship: A person knows that their friendship is one-sided, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be alone or lose the friendship.

Family Relationships:

  • Ignoring a family member’s addiction: A person knows that a family member is struggling with addiction, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
  • Justifying a family member’s abusive behavior: A person knows that a family member is abusive, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
  • Staying in a toxic family dynamic: A person knows that their family dynamic is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be ostracized or lose their family.

Workplace Relationships:

  • Ignoring a coworker’s bullying behavior: A person knows that a coworker is bullying others, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
  • Justifying a manager’s unfair treatment: A person knows that their manager is treating them unfairly, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to rock the boat or lose their job.
  • Staying in a toxic work environment: A person knows that their work environment is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to lose their job or benefits.
By understanding cognitive dissonance, individuals can become more aware of their own thought processes and take steps to reduce discomfort and promote internal consistency.

For more information on counseling, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY.

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Handling Distress with Radical Acceptance to Stay Balanced

Sometimes you’ll run into a problem that’s simply out of your control. It can be easy to think, “This isn’t fair..” or “I shouldn’t have this problem..” That kind of mindset only prolongs the pain and the problem. Instead of focusing on your negative emotions, practice radical acceptance in the present moment.

Example: you are in horrible traffic on your way home from work. Instead of becoming belligerent about the situation you are literally stuck in, focus on how you can enjoy this very moment for what it is. Do you listen to a long but intellectual podcast? Do you call someone you haven’t spoken with in a while? Spin the negative situation into a positive and you’ll practice radical acceptance for what it is.

Pain on its own can be difficult. But it’s only when you don’t accept it that it turns into suffering.

Practicing non-attachment does not mean not feeling your emotions. Rather, it refers to an intention of not allowing your pain to turn into suffering.

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Radical acceptance refers to a healthier way of thinking during already stressful situations. Instead of focusing on how you’d like something / someone to be different, recognize and accept the situation as it is right now. Remember: accepting is not the same as liking or condoning it.

When a person utilizes denial or another defense mechanism, they often end up feeling worse and in more distress because they’re not accepting the reality of the situation. Radical acceptance is a tool to help you see the present moment for what it is and look at it more objectively, rather than purely emotionally.

Learning to accept problems (as they are right now) that are out of your control, will lead to less anxiety, anger, and sadness while you’re dealing with them.

If you’d like information on individual counseling in Long Island, New York, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

What does emotional manipulation look like?

manipulation

Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behavior, but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.

When someone uses your emotions to get what they want, steer your behavior, or influence your ideals, it’s known as emotional manipulation.

Emotional manipulation can wear many faces. It can come in anger, disappointment, ridicule, or guilt. Gaslighting and love bombing are also forms of emotional manipulation.

Here’s emotional abuse tactics and what they may sound like:

  • Guilt: “If you loved me, you wouldn’t do that.”
  • Criticism: “You never do anything right.”
  • Isolation: “You’re picking your friends and family over me.”
  • Humiliation: “I’ll take you out to eat when you lose some weight.”
  • Threatening: “If you ever do that again, you’ll be sorry.”
  • Blaming: “Look what you made me do.”
  • Accusing: “I know you’re being unfaithful.”
  • Infidelity: “I could do better than you anytime I want.”

Emotional abuse leads to conditions such as:

  • low self-esteem
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • substance abuse
  • post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

If you feel as though someone is manipulating your emotions, it’s OK to step away from the situation to gather your thoughts. Practice stating your own needs, desires, and boundaries clearly and without apology. The more comfortable you are with direct communication, the easier it is to spot manipulation from others.

Dealing with emotional manipulation is difficult because it can lead you to question yourself and your judgment.

When emotional abuse negatively impacts your life, consider seeking support & guidance from a MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. Contact us.

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers can be defined as memories, thoughts, situations or experiences that cause significant distress.

Although they can be a component of trauma-related conditions such as PTSD, they also play a role in anxiety and depression. Whether associated with a traumatic experience of the past or amplified by anxiety, emotional triggers can have negative effects in your life.

The reactivity you may feel to certain events or memories can manifest in a variety of ways.

Emotional outbursts may be directed at others or turned inwards, resulting in immense discomfort. The continued cycle of triggers, distress and avoidance can be exhausting in itself, leaving little space to understand or reduce their frequency and severity.

Common reactions to emotional triggers may include fear, sadness, anger or any number of intense emotions. It may manifest in a physical sense similar to anxiety, with reactions such as a racing heart, nausea, sweating, shaking and/or shortness of breath. When triggered, it may be easy to lash out at others, provoking even more tension and emotional turmoil.

Although one’s immediate reaction to such unpleasant experiences may be to limit exposure to such stressors, avoidance can lead to additional anxiety. It’s important to understand and develop strategies that can help mitigate the stress and fear associated with such situations. Rather than letting such apprehension disrupt your daily activities, learning healthy coping mechanisms can bring immense healing.

A fresh perspective can make a difference in your perception of emotional triggers. Although some triggers may not have a clear origin, taking the time to explore them in a calm, safe environment can be the key to unlocking their mystery.

The guidance of a counselor can help you decode, process and heal from emotional triggers.

In addition to providing a comfortable space to heal from past traumas, therapy can help you develop a holistic plan for the future. Through therapy, one can begin to recognize and take control over situations and memories that trigger emotional discomfort.

Chana Pfeifer can help you begin healing from the effects of triggers and emotional stressors. Together, you can develop a robust plan to experience relief and learn strategies to cope with potential emotional triggers.

Chana offers virtual and in-person, socially-distanced counseling services with a therapeutic plan customized to your individual needs. If you are struggling with the effects of emotional triggers, don’t hesitate to contact Chana today to begin your journey of healing.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Couples Therapy During Lockdown

The stresses associated with lockdown amidst a global pandemic can have a significant effect on relationships. At first, social isolation with your partner may be a blissful escape from the daily routine; Over time, this constant proximity can lead to new difficulties, and previously unaddressed issues can become magnified. If you are having difficulties quarantining, perhaps consider couples therapy during lockdown.

counseling for depressionThe daily routines of most individuals have been abruptly altered by the parameters of lockdown.

A majority of common activities have been effectively cancelled, promoting an increased sense of loneliness and decreased ability to experience normalcy.

Increased divorce rates around the globe have been attributed to the stresses of lockdown, which may also play a role in depression and anxiety.

While enjoying time with your partner can reduce feelings of solitude, a lack of personal space can lead to increased contention and frustration.

Personal relaxation time can become virtually nonexistent, especially if there are also children staying at home. Tempers and anxieties may become amplified, bringing anger and stress to everyday activities.

Financial adversity can be another major source of conflict within a relationship. Millions of workers have become unemployed due to economic disruptions from the global pandemic. This additional economic hardship can cause couples to clash over finances, while leaving many stressed due to the difficulties of reduced income.

Maintaining a healthy dynamic with your partner is significantly more difficult amidst lockdown. Putting off such issues can just cause them to get increasingly worse over time.

If you’re experiencing conflict with your partner, separation isn’t the only option. Couples therapy during lockdown can help you create balance & achieve a sense of peace within your relationship.

Whatever conflicts you may be facing, therapy can help you mitigate these tensions in a calm, safe environment. Chana Pfeifer can help you address your issues as a couple while attending to the individual needs of each partner.

If you feel you’re growing apart as a couple, therapy can help you rekindle healthy communication.

Chana offers both virtual and in-person therapy. Sessions conducted virtually from your own home can be a convenient and easy option to start counseling. Chana also sees couples in her Long Island, NY office while adhering to all social distancing guidelines.

If you are experiencing relationship issues during these stressful times, don’t hesitate to contact a social worker to experience healing and regain lasting strength as a couple.

Panic Attacks

If you’ve suffered from a panic attack before or have witnessed someone you care about go through one, you know that it’s a rough thing to deal with.

There are a significant amount of people who suffer from panic disorder.

With panic disorder, people obviously have panic attacks. However, if you have experienced a panic attack before, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have panic disorder. It could just have been an isolated incident, not reoccurring for the rest of your life.

A panic attack is where you experience an incredible sense of fear.

When confronted with danger, your body goes into either fight, flight, or freeze responses. With panic attacks, you are just flying. Your body experiences the same feelings it would have if for example, someone was trying to mug you, except there is no one mugging you or chasing after you. There’s no discernible reason why you should be feeling this onset of crippling fear, but you’re experiencing it nonetheless. In other words, there is no tangible thing happening in that moment to cause you such fear.

Panic attack symptoms can last for up to an hour, leaving sufferers feeling drained. Some people may think they’re having a heart attack, which is quite scary to say the least.

If you have more than 4 of these symptoms, you may be having a panic attack:

  • heart pounding
  • shaking
  • dizziness
  • sweating
  • choking
  • nausea
  • short breath
  • chest pain
  • numbness
  • chills
  • hot flashes
  • feeling like you’re going crazy, about to die, etc.

If you’re having panic attacks on a regular basis, you may have panic disorder.

One theory why people may develop panic disorder is if they experienced a traumatic event in their lives that was never dealt with psychologically. Stored feelings that someone may have had at one point continually gets revisited.

Or, even worrying about your next panic attack can actually bring one on! There is a link to agoraphobia simply because of this fear of having a panic attack again. Just the fear of having one before can lead to more in the future. So, it is a cyclical problem.

If you do have a panic disorder, you may have a hard time getting your family or friends to understand it. They might under react to the severity of your issues. Saying, “it’s all in your head”, or “just calm down”. Whatever the case, it can make you feel as if you’re alone.

Just know that, you are never alone, even if you feel that way.

There’s always ways to receive help, talk to people who understand you, and surround yourself with others who are supportive of you.

Seeking a therapist to discuss things with is a great way to start the process of healing.

The silver lining in all of this is that panic attacks are treatable.

They can be helped through cognitive behavioral therapy. We can uncover the reasons behind your panic attacks, which is a huge step. When you want to overcome something, you need to understand it.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Ways to Cope with Anxiety

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW & Anxiety Therapist in Long Island, New York.

Everyone experiences anxiety at some point. It’s quite normal to feel anxious, as stress is a common part of it and life. We generally call that worrying. But worrying becomes a disorder when it gets excessive or irrational. In other words, when it persists for a consistent period of time and interferes with your daily lifestyle and activities.

For instance, you fail to function normally due to lack of concentration, unwanted thoughts that you’re unable to control, and detachment from the present reality. So you end up not getting your chores done, procrastinating, or being disorganized from constantly focusing on things going on in your head.

If you think these points resonate with you then you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. But don’t worry, there are a couple of ways to help you out of it.

Identifying Your Problem

The first step as a solution to any problem is always identifying it. If you have identified your problem as suffering from anxiety, congratulations on getting this far. Many people go most (sometimes, all) of their lives not dealing with or recognizing their issues.

It is fairly common for mental health to be stigmatized in many countries due to a lack of awareness. If you say you are anxious or depressed, you are often just told to simply “get over it” or that “it’s all in your head”. Sure, it is all in your head, but it’s very hard to break out of habits and change thought patterns. Most people do not acknowledge it even if they probably understand it.

The Right Anxiety Therapist

Honestly, therapy takes time, and finding a therapist who suits you is also another struggle. There isn’t a definite amount of time that therapy can guarantee your improvement— as it is different for everyone. So finding the right anxiety therapist is important. Don’t be discouraged if the first time you try, it doesn’t feel like it’s working. There’s plenty of counselors to choose from.

Self-Help & Self-Care

Self-help is probably one of the most beneficial ways to cope with your anxiety but it is also among the hardest. It requires a lot of determination and motivation that simply lacks in most people affected. For people suffering from anxiety, it is almost impossible for them to do things that seem pretty easy and normal for others.

For example, whenever you’re anxious, try deep breathing and counting them to create a distraction. This is why experts recommend practicing mindfulness so one can bring themselves in touch with their feelings and learn to have control over them.

Self-care is also very important in all of this. Self-care can mean different things to different people. Such as, taking time for solitude or seeing friends, getting a massage or your nails done, working out or taking a class, reading, writing in a journal, etc. Whatever it is that creates calmness within you, you should schedule this time into your life because it’s one of the most important things to do for yourself, however silly it may seem to others.

The right therapy will boost your self-confidence.

When you see yourself making progress in being able to control your thoughts and actions, it ends up boosting your morale. That’s important because self-confidence plays a key role in anxiety disorders. Lots of people with low self-esteem are prone to experiencing it. Therefore, working on that and self-care should be of utmost priority in managing anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Childhood Depression / Anxiety

Can kids have depression / anxiety? Yes! Children may insist that they’re not experiencing any mental problems, and parents often ignore a child’s rage as part of their ‘growth phase’. However, persistent irritable behavior can be a sign of childhood depression / anxiety. Moreover, this condition can be worsened if you neglect your kid’s mental health.

What is childhood depression / anxiety?

Childhood depression is different from normal ‘sad’ emotions. If your child’s sadness becomes persistent, interferes with daily activities, family life, or schoolwork, it may indicate that she/he has an issue.

Parents must pay attention to their kid’s emotions. Your children can feel anxious about different things at different ages. However, anxiety can be a problem when it starts to get in the way of daily life. For example, a child becomes so anxious on exam day that he/she cannot manage to go to school that day.

The main causes of depression in children:

Depression in childhood does not have a single cause. However, the significant causes of depression in children are:

  • Parental conflicts
  • Parental neglect
  • Divorce
  • Family disputes
  • Verbal, sexual or physical abuse
  • Social violence / bullying in school
  • Genetic issues
  • Financial issues
Common symptoms of depression include:
  • Depressed mood, crying / feeling angry often
  • Lack of energy
  • Loss of pleasure in favorite activities
  • Excessive sleeping or insomnia
  • Feelings of guilt / shame
  • Inability to make decisions
  • Thoughts of death / suicide
  • Changes in eating

A treatment plan depends upon the individual nature and severity of your child’s condition. Counseling and social support are considered the best option to reduce depression / anxiety.

Depression / anxiety can have a severe impact on physical, mental, and social well-being for everyone, including kids. It’s essential to keep an eye for warning signs in your child’s behavior. Parents should be willing to know what their child is feeling and be careful to remain non-judgmental and supportive. Early attention to a child’s behavior can reverse severe disorders of anxiety and depression in the future.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Accepted Insurance Plans:

Aetna

Payments made via:

Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account