Blog

Friends Through Elvis

I meet lots of people who battle old age alone through my home care job.

Recently, I visited a woman whose house reflected her obsession of Elvis: Elvis toaster oven, Elvis welcome mat, you can’t even imagine… I thought it was quirky, but was incredibly moved the following week when her friend met with us to figure out ways to keep her safe in her home.

I asked this gentleman how he knew the pt, because he mentioned his wife, and he said: through Elvis. A previous visit revealed the patient had seen Elvis at least 100 times. By the end of the visit, this man had a list of at least 8 tasks to follow up on, and he showed up with such caring and dedication.

Dear friends are hard to come by, but they are invaluable.

I met one of my dear friends 11 years ago when I forgot a piece to my breast pump at my brother’s house (a long story for another time). Finding common ground to choose people who can reciprocate care, is priceless.

Why not have our eyes open to the opportunities to be loved and cared for. A few days ago it was Elvis’s birthday and I only know that because of my patient. I feel such a warm, fuzzy feeling when I see him now.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Read more reviews on Facebook.

2019 Goodbyes & 2020’s Hellos

2019 Goodbyes & 2020’s Hellos

Somehow I am so excited 2019 is over. I have plenty to be grateful for, and lots to say good bye to.

2020's HellosI’d like to say goodbye to fear of the unknown.

2020’s hellos, I’d like to invite in curiosity of what lies ahead.

I want to let go of worrying about “not enough.”

I want to bring on noticing what I have, and bring on abundance. That it is okay to have a lot of connection, love, and even money (in theory).

I want to say, “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” to being so stressed.

I invite in noticing I am relaxed sometimes. When I’m not, I am really good at using the tools I teach in my office. I can breathe, do yoga, bring in positive thoughts, and a lot of the time, they work.

Goodbye 2019! I am really looking forward to 2020 being different.

2020’s Hellos:

Thursday, January 30, 2020: Reconnect in 2020 Couples Check-In Workshop

Class lead by Chana Pfeifer, LCSW & Imago Relationship Therapist

2020's HellosGet ready for a healthier relationship in 2020.

Attend this couples’ class on mastering connecting the modern way.

Awareness and communication are what makes a relationship work.

ANOZ Spa Boutique
281 Nassau Blvd. Garden City South, NY 11530

Anxiety Counseling Long Island

All humans experience anxiety to some degree in certain situations. Feeling anxious about important upcoming events, grief, stressors, or potentially dangerous situations is considered normal and a beneficial defense mechanism.

A healthy amount of anxiety can be helpful to increase motivation and drive healthy competition and success. However, it can become problematic when it comes with unhealthy apprehension, uncontrollable worry, and intense, irrational fears that interfere with daily life, self-confidence, and relationships.

Some cases of anxiety can be due to a stressful or grief-inducing event, substance use, or a medical condition. Symptoms can also be long-term and chronic and may not improve without treatment.

If you feel that symptoms of anxiety are causing you distress, seeking therapy is recommended.

Many people associate anxiety exclusively with panic attacks, however this is not always the case. In those with generalized anxiety disorder, the pernicious symptoms are present without recurring panic attacks.

Some of the symptoms of general anxiety can be as follows:

  • Mind racing with thoughts or going blank, making it hard to concentrate
  • Excessive worry, apprehension, fear that seems impossible to control
  • Restlessness, insomnia
  • Muscle aches / tension
  • Frequent fatigue
  • Irritability, agitation

Panic attacks are induced quickly and can last for minutes, with recovery and post-attack fatigue possibly lingering for hours. These events can be rare and transient, or chronic and frequently recurrent.

Panic attacks generally manifest with symptoms such as:

  • Increased heart rate, palpitations, chest pain
  • Shaking, restless movement
  • Chills or hot flashes, sweating
  • Feeling short of breath, heavy respiration, tightness in the throat
  • Lightheadedness, dizziness
  • Nausea, abdominal discomfort
  • Feelings of spiraling out of control, impending death or harm
  • Disconnection from reality or time

Anxiety can also manifest itself within other conditions including depression, social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress, and specific phobias.

A therapist can help you distinguish what type(s) of anxiety you are dealing with. From a cognitive perspective, the licensed provider can help you identify the thoughts that cause it while working through methods to control the anxious behaviors that come as a result.

Regardless of the intensity of your anxiety, symptoms can be managed and fears overcome through reformulating thought patterns in counseling. Being present in a neutral, non-judgmental space where you can express your fears and concerns is helpful in the journey to attain physical, psychological, and emotional relaxation. A holistic approach to counseling can teach you how to approach and handle anxiety-inducing situations without having to deal with the constant stress of fear, worry, and panic. Reaching out for help is the first important step in giving yourself the freedom of a clear, calm mind in the face of anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Read more reviews on Facebook.

Grief Counseling Long Island

Processing grief due to the death of a spouse or partner can be a turbulent journey of emotional, psychological, and physical pain. The grieving process is different for every individual and it is essential that one has the opportunity to process the entire spectrum of emotions. Grief counseling can be a healthy way to cope with any emotions that may come up.

Constant shifting of emotional tides can be overwhelming in one’s delicate state following a loss.

Although individual experiences of grief can differ for everyone, the process has often been categorized into stages, most commonly that of Kübler-Ross (1969) which outlines them as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Most often, the lines surrounding these stages are blurred and can incorporate many complex emotions not indicated in the model. Traumatic circumstances surrounding the death can be additional barriers to the healing process.

Initially, it is normal to be unwilling to accept that a loved one has died, feeling emotionally numb, or avoiding things related to the grief. One may feel anger directed towards life, oneself, others, and the loss itself. The bargaining stage can bring about a cyclic state of questioning about alternative outcomes or what could have been done to prevent the death. Depression manifests itself in various ways and is often accompanied by deep sadness, hopelessness, and isolation. These are normal reactions to loss.

Recognizing and processing feelings is necessary to progress to eventual acceptance. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to express one’s distress to close friends or family members. One might feel a sense of loneliness and detachment. Since this can lead to unhealthy repression, it is greatly beneficial to have a trained professional to talk to.

Persistent grief, that seems to worsen instead of improve over a long period of time, can be greatly detrimental to one’s health. Some characteristics of this typically include a separation from one’s identity, overwhelming guilt and longing, total denial and refusal of reality, or a desire to die so that one can reconnect with the deceased. In these cases, it is especially critical to seek therapy.

Counseling can provide judgement-free support to process pain and alleviate deep internal chaos associated with feelings of grief and the mourning process.

A counselor can help explain and validate difficult thoughts and emotions following the loss of a spouse/friend/family member. Therapy facilitates one’s ability to focus on positive memories of the loved one while employing healthy coping strategies.

For additional info. about grief counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Read more reviews on Facebook.

Divorce Counseling Long Island

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – Divorce Counseling Long Island, NY

The termination of a marriage can be a process charged with many emotions, and often these feelings seem overwhelming.

Throughout the initiation, proceedings, and aftermath of a divorce, it is helpful to have a judgement free space in which you can communicate your feelings and better understand those of others involved. Whether the decision has been made due to discord within the relationship, infidelity, financial difficulties, abuse, addiction, or other factors, a solution-based divorce counselor can be your balance in a time of chaos.

Some of the anxieties of divorce can cause a wide range of issues, both internally and inter-personally.

Emotional, psychological, and even physical health issues are common reactions to such a monumental life change. Unhealthy coping mechanisms can arise due to the stress and emotional pain of divorce, often leading to increased aggression between parties and acceleration of self-destructive behaviors. When enduring such a dramatic phase change, personal priorities and future plans can become difficult to envision.

During and after the process, both children and adults face the challenges of balancing multiple facets of health whilst in a delicate state.

If children are involved, they may feel additional stress due to the parents’ personal and emotional biases without having anyone outside the family with whom to communicate their concerns. Allowing children to freely express their emotions in a neutral environment can facilitate their adjustment significantly.

Employing the help of a divorce counselor can make the transition more navigable in all aspects of one’s health and success. A counselor can help explain how to overcome emotions such as anger, grief, depression, and insecurity during and after the divorce process.

Unbiased mediation of conflict between spouses is quintessential to healthy progress.

This includes helping you and your former spouse accommodate differing points of view in a way that is mutually beneficial. Through counseling, it is possible to develop a cooperative relationship based on healthy communication.

While you are dealing with the internal stresses that result from divorce, a counselor can help you develop healthy defense mechanisms to protect yourself from undue pain and stress, while strengthening yourself by promoting healthy acclimation to a new future. Communicating in a safe, non-judgmental environment can fortify the health of the entire family. The advice of a counselor can help you face current difficulties and the future with certainty, confidence, and peace.

For additional information, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Divorce counseling Long Island – Read more reviews on Facebook.

Pre-Marital Counseling West Hempstead, NY

As you prepare for your wedding, have you also prepared for your marriage?

A survey published by the Journal of Family Psychology reported that couples who underwent pre-marital education reported higher levels of marital satisfaction. They also noted a 30% decrease in the likelihood of divorce happening in over five years of the study.

Pre-Marital Counseling West Hempstead, NY

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW * The Happier MeEssentially, pre-marital counseling is a specialized type of therapy that prepares couples for marriage. The main goal is to help couples build a healthy, strong relationship that establishes a healthy foundation for their union.

Here is how an accredited counselor can help couples build a solid foundation for their union:

1.   Change Perspective

A counselor’s role is to help each partner evaluate the relationship in a more objective manner. They learn how to recognize their interactions and regard each other in a positive light.

2.   Identify Strengths

Pre-marital counseling helps couples identify their strengths in the relationship as a partnership. An in-depth understanding of the stronger aspects of the relationship helps build a spirit of resilience. Ultimately, couples will know that a solid foundation is what builds the marriage.

3.   Improve Communication

For a relationship to be successful, effective communication is an important factor to consider. Pre-marital counselors guide couples on how to talk to each other and remain intimate by openly expressing thoughts and feelings in a supportive way.

4.   Eliminate Dysfunctional Behaviors

Pre-marital counseling helps couples rectify dysfunctional behaviors such as dominance, control and addiction.

5.   Cultural Issues Affecting Marriage

Cultural beliefs tend to affect how partners relate to each other in their lives. It influences the daily common behaviors such as eating, working, and managing their money. The sooner a couple identifies and cultivates a new culture for themselves, the better. A counselor helps reveal cultural issues and teaches the couple how to compromise for each other.

Common Issues Addressed:

Pre-marital counseling addresses a wide range of topics:

  • Conflict Resolution – premarital counselors educate couples in resolving conflicts and how they can come to terms on issues they disagree on.
  • Finances – finance is a hot topic that couples should sit down on and learn how to navigate. The role of the counselor is not to act as a financial adviser – but to help each partner determine how they are going to create a financial system that will suit them both.
  • Sex and Intimacy – intimacy is what keeps partners close together. If uncomfortable discussing sex after being celibate, a counselor helps breaks the ice. Partners get to understand each other sexually and work towards maintaining a healthy relationship in the matrimonial bed.
  • Family – getting married sometimes includes starting a family together. Counselors direct the conversation in a serious light especially when it comes to the number of children and the aspect of timing.

Pre-Marital Counseling West Hempstead, NY

Adherence to privacy is what helps couples confide in their counselor. Be sure to work with Chana Pfeifer, your trusted therapist, providing exceptional skills and a supportive atmosphere for all couples in need of counseling services.

For additional information about attending, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Read more reviews on Facebook.

Pre-Marital Counseling Long Island

Pre-marital counseling Long Island, a form of couples’ therapy before getting married.

pre-marital counseling Long IslandOne of the most important choices a person makes in their life is choosing who to marry. This is because they’re choosing to live with their spouse in the same home and commit themselves to them, ideally for the rest of their life.

In today’s day and age, more and more couples are opting for pre-marital counseling so that they can ensure they and their future spouse are on the same page when it comes to what they expect from their marriage.

Also, it is easier for couples to talk about difficult issues in a safe environment where they are guided by a professional, as it helps them look at each other in a new light, with a new perspective.

For couples who have concerns about their upcoming marriage, or want to increase their compatibility, pre-marital counseling with Chana Pfeifer can be a very rewarding experience.

What issues do you talk about?

Getting married is a big decision, and pre-marital counseling can help partners get to know each other even better. Subjects such as finances, children and sexual relations can be areas where partners have differing views, and talking about them beforehand can help avoid major conflicts later on.

A good marriage counselor helps both parties improve their conflict resolution skills so that if the couple has any fights down the road, which is highly likely, they can sensibly know how to resolve them.

For couples who are looking for a good pre-marital counselor, Chana Pfeifer, based in the Long Island area, is one of the best in the profession and can help you deal with any concerns you may have.

How can it help me?

Pre-marital counseling can help partners talk about any concerns they may have about the marriage with each other so that they can resolve them before the actual wedding. It can also act as a method through which partners can talk about any old resentments or release the pent up aggression they may have. This way, both parties enter the marriage with a clean slate and old problems do not come back to haunt them.

Does it really work?

According to the results of a survey that were published in a notable psychology journal, couples who have some experience of pre-marital counseling or education have greater satisfaction with their marriage and have a 30% lower rate of divorce in the first five years. The reason for this is that when couples enter the marriage after prior training, they know what to expect, how to deal with their problems and their partner’s way of thinking, all of which contribute to a healthier relationship with fewer problems.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Read more reviews on Facebook.

What counts as infidelity?

Infidelity Counseling Long Island: What counts as infidelity?

Infidelity is becoming an alarmingly common problem with couples in various stages of their relationship.

infidelity counseling Long IslandInfidelity refers to the scenario in which one partner in a relationship breaks the promise to be faithful to the other. This problem must be dealt with as soon as it becomes apparent otherwise its negative influence can start to creep into various aspects of your life.

Due to changing family and social values, peoples’ lifestyles have changed dramatically too, and the increase in instances of infidelity is very strongly related to it. To get a sense of how rampant this problem is, a survey was carried out recently that showed while 90% of people in a relationship consider infidelity to be unacceptable, approximately 20% of partners engage in it at some time or another.

What counts as infidelity?

The definition of “infidelity” is literally “disloyalty,” but what counts as cheating in a relationship can vary from person to person. Women normally place a lot of emphasis on emotional attachment and attraction when defining disloyalty, whereas, for a lot of men, cheating encompasses physical relations with another.  This is why some people believe that infidelity only occurs when one partner has sex outside of the relationship while according to others, cyber or emotional affairs may also count as disloyalty.

Effects of infidelity.

From a psychological perspective, infidelity can have an extremely detrimental effect on the un-involved party’s psychological and emotional health. The faithful partner may experience signs of depression, low self-esteem, and even fits of rage. It can also have negative physiological effects on the loyal partner, such as lack of sleep, overeating, or under-eating.

Not only does infidelity impact the partners, but if they have children, they too can come in the middle of the problem and be exposed to negative stimuli. Infidelity can erode the foundation of various familial relationships and take a toll on the parties’ physical and emotional health. This is why infidelity is a multi-faceted problem, and couples must seek professional help as soon as they discover it.

Chana Pfeifer is an excellent marriage counselor who can help couples facing issues with cheating and disloyalty resolve those problems and find effective solutions.

How can you cope with infidelity?

While infidelity may severely damage a relationship, there is still a chance to salvage it with appropriate help and counseling. If both partners are willing to make an effort to solve their disputes, and the unfaithful partner is ready to make a change in their behavior, the probability of the relationship’s survival goes up.

While no one reason can account for a partner’s infidelity, often communication problems, dissatisfaction with the current relationship, and deeper psychological issues can be a triggering factor.

If your relationship is facing any issues such as disloyalty and cheating, Chana Pfeifer is a professional counselor who can help you work through the issues you’re facing and find a way to come out better at the end.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Read more reviews on Facebook.

10 ingredients of a connected relationship

1.     Connect with each other through touch to feel alive EVERY day.

2.     Be responsible to REMOVE your criticism, put-downs, blaming, shaming and negativity in your relationship space.

3.     Be aware of YOUR reactivity so you don’t vomit it into the relationship.

4.     Make a big deal about what you appreciate about your partner EVERY day.

5.     Make direct eye contact with each other for at least 10 seconds EVERY day.

6.     How can you self-soothe when you are frustrated, angry or negative?

7.     Show each other respect and hold yourself responsible for what you do.

8.     Have interests, hobbies and/or other relationships outside of your relationship, which creates a more whole person with interesting bits.

9.     Carve out time for your relationship as a couple.

10.  No one has the perfect romance like the movies and lives happily ever after.. and neither will you; it’s healthy to work on your relationship.

Awareness and communication are what makes a connected relationship work. If you feel you are having difficulty communicating with your partner, it would be beneficial to have a therapist guide you in the process. Sometimes couples become so emotionally disconnected and stuck in negative patterns that it is difficult to talk openly and honestly. If this feels like you, then reaching out to a professional social worker could be a great step toward having a connected relationship.

For any questions regarding relationship therapy as an individual or couple, feel free to email me or call me at (516) 592-1107.

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, CIT

Counseling for couples and individual adults in a safe, supportive place.

Marriage Counseling Workshop August 2019

Give your relationship a gift with this marriage counseling workshop! Let’s enhance our marriages within our homes so we can merit to build the בית־נאמן.

August 4 & August 6
10 am – 4 pm

Machon Basya Rochel Simcha Hall
137 Lawrence Ave. Lawrence, NY 11559

Join us for a marriage counseling workshop that will include:

  • Tools to experience your spouse with healing, loving & empathetic exercises
  • Individualized attention
  • Hands on approach guided by excellent facilitators
  • Personal and completely confidential

Don’t wait to renew your love and your chemistry for one another!

Call or email today to reserve your spot:

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, Certified Imago Therapist

(516) 592-1107
TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

$350 per couple. Lunch included.

Attending a marriage counseling workshop will reinforce your desire to remain committed to yourself, your family, or another person. It will show that you really want to learn how to reopen channels of communication.


Read more reviews about Chana Pfeifer, licensed clinical social worker, on Facebook.

Discover strategies to overcome conflict and break through.
Identify your relationship’s specific strengths and how to build on them together.
Rekindle the love that’s been buried by the day-to-day struggles of life.

If your relationship is distressed, our Long Island marriage counseling workshop will provide you with a greater understanding of your relationship, a way to use your challenges as the opportunities they are for deeper connection, and a road map for repair.