Category: Pre-Marital Counseling

Why Premarital Counseling is Imperative to Marriage Success

Premarital counseling is imperative for a successful marriage as it provides a platform for couples to address potential issues before they become major conflicts.

By exploring each other’s values, expectations, and communication styles, couples build a stronger foundation for their future together.

Here’s why premarital counseling is so important:

Improved Communication:  Counseling helps couples learn to express their needs, fears, and desires effectively, reducing misunderstandings and improving overall communication.

Addressing Potential Issues:  It provides a neutral space to discuss sensitive topics like finances, career aspirations, and family dynamics, allowing couples to identify and address potential disagreements before marriage.

Setting Realistic Expectations:  Premarital counseling helps couples understand what marriage truly entails and set realistic expectations for their future together.

Developing Conflict Resolution Skills:  Couples learn tools and techniques to navigate disagreements constructively, fostering healthy conflict resolution strategies.

Strengthening the Bond:  The process of premarital counseling can deepen understanding and strengthen the emotional bond between partners, leading to a more fulfilling marriage.

Reducing Divorce Risk:  Studies have shown that couples who participate in premarital counseling are less likely to divorce.

Preparing for Parenthood:  If applicable, counseling can help couples discuss their views on family, parenting styles, and other related topics.

Improve communication and develop conflict-resolution skills with premarital counseling.

Pre-marriage counseling can help uncover unspoken expectations, improve communication, and give partners tools to handle challenges that may arise later in the marriage.

Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW for more information.

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Conscious Dialogue example in Imago Relationship Therapy

Conscious dialogue within a marriage relationship refers to a mindful, intentional, and respectful communication style that fosters deeper understanding, empathy, and connection between partners.

Here are key elements:

  • Active listening: Fully present and attentive to each other.
  • Awareness: Recognizing emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations.
  • Honesty: Authentic and transparent sharing.
  • Non-judgment: Avoiding criticism or assumption.
  • Empathy: Understanding and validating each other’s perspectives.
  • Clarity: Clear expression of needs, desires, and boundaries.

Benefits:

  • Deeper intimacy and connection.
  • Conflict resolution and prevention.
  • Increased trust and understanding.
  • Emotional intelligence growth.
  • Healthier communication patterns.

Practices:

  • Schedule regular, dedicated conversations.
  • Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Reflect and paraphrase to ensure understanding.
  • Show gratitude and appreciation.

By incorporating conscious dialogue, couples can strengthen their bond, navigate challenges effectively, cultivate emotional intelligence, and foster a supportive environment.

Conscious Dialogue example in Imago Relationship Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, New York:

Couples counseling involves a lot of communication, a conscious communication. Chana breaks down the fundamentals of how to talk, how to listen, and how to grow together as a couple for optimal long term success.

Would you like more information or specific tips?

For more info. on counseling, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Offices in Cedarhurst, NY & West Hempstead, New York + Virtual Availability

Parent-Child Dialogue – Felt Experience – Imago Therapy

Parent-Child Dialogue – Felt Experience – Imago Therapy Online

Here’s a clip with Chana in an Imago Therapy session online with a couple who was about to practice the “Parent-Child Dialogue,” a communication technique in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This is not about parent-shaming or parent-blaming, this is about our felt experience. As parents we know that we cannot be perfect. Some of our children may experience us giving them too much attention or not enough attention, and as parents, we do our best. So again, the focus of this dialogue is your felt experience.

Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.

IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY TEACHES COUPLES HOW TO:

  • examine each childhood upbringing & how this formed their ‘Imago’
  • resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
  • create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple

If you’re interested in Imago Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, contact her today.

“As a certified Imago therapist, I love what I do. My specialty is relationships. I deal with a variety of people, whether it is navigating couples’ challenging relationships, separation, blended families, or geriatrics. I feel the variety of many issues keeps my skills sharp.”

The 4 Pillars of a Partnership:

While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection. Below you can find what the 4 pillars of a partnership entail.

Can you be your true self around your partner?  Is your dynamic mostly drama-free and peaceful?  Do you have a friendship, as well as feelings of lust?  Do you work well as a team?  Is your partner inspiring you to be a better person / supporting you emotionally?  Is there trust and open communication?

Here’s a checklist for a sustainable relationship from Amy Chan / Breakup Bootcamp Founder (@missamychan on Instagram). She helps people create healthy relationships.

The 4 Pillars of a Partnership:

  1. Chemistry – connection and attraction

  2. Compatibility – alignment of values and vision

  3. Timing – if it’s the perfect person at the wrong time, it’s the wrong person

  4. Mutuality – two people who are equally invested in building the relationship and have the ability and capacity to do so

Spend a few minutes reflecting on how each of these apply to your relationship. Chances are, you won’t have everything in balance, but that’s ok. The lesson here isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues, or obsess about the things that are lacking. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. Keep in mind, that’s there’s always room for improvement in any relationship.

If you are looking for more information about Imago relationship counseling on Long Island, contact us.

With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

CHANA PFEIFER, LCSW IN WEST HEMPSTEAD, NY

(516) 592-1107

Individual, premarital, and couples therapy provided in a confidential and supportive atmosphere.

Offices available in:

West Hempstead, NY – Chana Pfeifer
Huntington, NY – Robin Newman
Miller Place, NY – David Weber

Detachment

Detachment from a person / situation can best be described as a process of letting go. It’s not easy; it takes some time to learn how to do it. But with a little practice, you may experience your anxiety subsiding and your relationships becoming more fulfilling.

The process of detachment will help you lead a happier life overall.

detachment

Here’s what Chopra.com has to say about it:

Many people are attached to relationships, money, social status, jobs, and more. Basically, anything you can use to describe who you are can be a sign of attachment. I might say: I am a blonde, mother, wife, daughter, and sister who is physically healthy and socially vibrant. I am a teacher, a writer, a speaker, and a student. However, if my brother dies and I was no longer a sister, I am still me. If I change what I do and stop writing, I am still me.

Recognizing that the “me” remains without all the descriptors is the goal.

How to Detach: 5 Steps

1. Observe your mind: Become aware of what kind of thoughts you habitually think. What things or descriptors do you identify with most? Become a student of self and heighten your awareness of where attachment happens more frequently for you. Recognize attachment comes with an emotional charge. Notice where you feel this in your physical body. It’s different for each individual and learning your patterns is a useful tool in creating change.

2. Distinguish between ego and actuality: Your ego might tell you that not getting the job you want has ruined your career. The actuality is: you are disappointed because you didn’t get something you wanted. Nothing has changed except your thoughts about your future potential. The actual situation is the same as it was prior to not getting the job and you can still advance your career.

3. Embrace uncertainty: Only a willingness to embrace the unknown provides security. What Deepak Chopra says about detachment: “Those who seek security in the exterior world chase it for a lifetime. By letting go of your attachment to the illusion of security, which is really an attachment to the known, you step into the field of all possibilities. This is where you will find true happiness, abundance, and fulfillment.”

4. Meditate on it: Meditation is a vehicle to help your mind release patterns of thought and action that no longer serve you. Spend some time in meditation each day and watch how the patterns in your life begin to change.

5. Don’t beat yourself up for falling into old habits: The first step in making change is recognizing what it is you want to change. Instead of getting frustrated/disappointed when you fall back into an old habit, celebrate that you are now noticing when you repeat the pattern of thought/habit. In time, this will allow you to transform your behavior.

Pre-Marital Counseling for Engaged Couples on Long Island

Chana offers Pre-Marital Counseling for Engaged Couples on Long Island

Whether you’re negotiating how to plan a family, concerned about how to manage finances, or navigating through a 2nd marriage, premarital counseling is the perfect place to discuss all matters related to married life.

Therapy doesn’t always mean a relationship is at its breaking point. Many couples are seeking to address difficult issues before conflict arises.

Every couple that gets engaged should go through premarital counseling. Partners learn how to deal with issues that may arise before they become a problem. This gives couples confidence and peace while stepping into a new chapter of their lives.

Through Imago relationship therapy, couples will learn how to communicate effectively with one another. During sessions with an Imago couples therapist, you may address family origins.

As a counselor, Chana assists couples develop safety and connection within their relationship, such as with:

  • Relationship Goals
  • Things of Importance / Value: friendships, alone time, date nights
  • Conflicts & Communication: learning to argue in the most effective way
  • Sex & Intimacy
  • Finances: bank accounts, paying bills
  • Children / Parenting: if you want children, parenting beliefs & styles
  • Family & Blended Families: visiting times, setting boundaries, holidays
  • Social & Religious Beliefs
  • Making decisions as a couple
  • Vacations – Guy’s/Girl’s Trips
  • Defining Roles, cooking, shopping, cleaning, taking care of finances

Therapy should be viewed as an act of self care / personal maintenance, a sign of maturity, and overall healthiness.

Set yourself up for marital success – Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, to schedule an appointment in-person or online.

Chana Pfeifer provides counselin to individuals, pairs of family members, and couples of all kinds in the Nassau County areas of Long Island, NY including:

Baldwin  Bellmore  Bethpage  Briarwood  Carle Place  Cedarhurst  East Meadow  East Rockaway  Elmont  Farmingdale  Floral Park  Forest Hills  Franklin Square  Freeport  Fresh Meadows  Garden City  Glendale  Hewlett  Hicksville  Howard Beach  Inwood  Jamaica  Kew Gardens  Laurelton  Lawrence  Levittown  Island Park  Little Neck  Long Beach  Lynbrook  Malverne  Manhasset  Massapequa  Merrick  Mineola  New Hyde Park  Oceanside  Ozone Park  Plainview  Richmond Hill  Rockville Centre  Roslyn  Seaford  Uniondale  Valley Stream  Wantagh  Westbury  West Hempstead  Williston Park  Woodhaven  Woodmere

CHANA PFEIFER is one of Long Island’s best marriage counselors that has helped couples achieve greater coping skills to manage life’s stresses & challenges.

Couples Therapy in West Hempstead, NY

Couples Therapy in West Hempstead, New York with Chana Pfeifer

Local Long Island Counseling Services – Speak with an Imago Relationship Therapist – Get the Support You Need Today to Create a Future You Desire.

Any two people who want to grow in their relationship can seek counseling together. You don’t have to be married or experiencing huge relationship problems to benefit from a professional’s support and advice.

Couples choose to go to relationship counseling for a variety of reasons, including:

  • Transitions in life causing tension (job changes, financial difficulties, moving).
  • Overcoming feelings of dissatisfaction in their relationship (no fun, passion, closeness, intimacy).
  • Addressing serious relationship challenges (infidelity, health problems, abuse).
  • Preparation for marriage with premarital therapy.

If you and your partner are experiencing any issues in your relationship or you just want to work on yourself and determine how to improve your relationship health, working with a relationship therapist can help.

Therapy helps couples discover underlying issues while providing effective tools for preventing future issues to happen.

Chana will help each partner make clear what s/he needs, so both feel safe to share it. She assists couples in difficult times come into safety and connection.

For Couples Therapy in West Hempstead, New York: Call (516) 592-1107

Contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW. She is seeing clients in West Hempstead, NY and also through telehealth services.

Premarital Counseling Questions Couples Should Talk About:

Below are a few premarital counseling questions couples should talk about regarding: Property / Land / Estate Rights

What happens when I put my new spouse’s name on my real property? What happens when I don’t?

Who’s home will you or your new spouse live in?

How will this be handled if you are the first to die and it is legally your house?

How will it be handled if you are the second to die and it is not legally your house?

Do you really want to trust adult step-children to protect your right to live somewhere?

How can the right to live somewhere that is not your property be secured and protected?

Is your pre-marital retirement account 100% yours if you get married?

How do you protect your retirement accounts for your named beneficiaries or children?

Is it possible to split beneficiary designations on retirement accounts? How?

Can you give your new spouse the income from your retirement account but keep the principal for your children?

How can you benefit your new spouse with your retirement accounts without risking your new spouse changing the beneficiary designations?

What happens to the furniture in your house that belonged to your deceased spouse?

Are you really going to depend on verbal agreements with a deceased person to protect you in all these matters?

Who will hold your property Power of Attorney, the new spouse or an adult child?

There’s a myriad of things to go over before getting married and a great place to work out these issues is in premarital counseling.

Get clarity around your expectations / thoughts surrounding things like:

  • Children
  • Home type and location
  • Career paths
  • Financial Goals
  • Leisure life
  • Religion
  • Boundaries with family

Contact Chana Pfeifer – she is currently seeing clients through telehealth virtual platforms and in-person (socially-distanced).

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5 Financial Topics To Consider Before Getting Married

Even though getting married can be one of the happiest moments of our lives, it should also be a reminder that marriage is a legal union as much as it is a romantic one. Below are 5 financial topics to consider before getting married:

It’s important to consider the financial implications before tying the knot.

Giving consideration to these issues before the wedding makes things easier for the relationship. Through pre-marital counseling, you have a chance to discuss all the aspects of marriage and what you both want out of it. It’s wise to plan ahead. Consulting with a pre-marital counselor is always a good idea to make sure all your bases are covered, so that you can go into marriage confident and assured.

Here’s 5 financial topics to consider before getting married:

1. Prenuptial Agreement: This is probably one of the most common subjects to consider before getting married. A prenuptial agreement, or postnuptial if signed after the wedding ceremony, defines what happens upon divorce, instead of the state. Common topics covered in these agreements are how assets are divided upon divorce, protection of family inheritances from past relationships, separation of debt that is not jointly shared, spousal support, and characterization of incomes and property if they vary greatly between the spouses. Spouses considering a prenuptial, or premarital agreement should consult with a family law attorney to ensure it is prepared correctly and complies with the relevant laws in your state.

2. Money: It’s important to make sure that you and your soon-to-be spouse have an agreement with regard to money and finances. Many choose to have joint bank accounts because it makes it easier to track finances, while others choose to keep funds separate to maintain their financial independence. Having joint accounts requires close communication to keep each other abreast of spending. It also makes it convenient for shared expenses such as a mortgage or insurance, and it makes access to an account easier should a spouse suddenly pass away. On the other hand, keeping accounts separate makes it less difficult in the event of a divorce and each person has immediate access to funds. However, you’ll have to determine how to split shared expenses if you go this route. No matter how finances are handled, communication is key.

3: Taxes: Getting married can have a significant effect on your taxes. There are a few decisions couples need to make before the big day. For example, married couples can incur a tax penalty, sometimes paying more than they would if they were single. This happens when the tax brackets, standard deductions and other elements of the tax code don’t double upon marriage. This means that you may actually pay more than you would if you were single. If the salaries of both individuals vary greatly, then combining the incomes may result in a lower tax bracket, therefore, saving you money. But, when incomes are very similar, it’s possible you may incur a higher tax obligation by filing jointly. There are essentially two options for married couples: ‘married filing jointly’ and ‘married filing separately’. Rarely do couples save money when choosing to file ‘married filing separately’. Consulting a CPA or other tax professional is wise to determine which option best fits your financial situation.

4. Estate Planning: While this is often done once married, it’s definitely something to consider or give thought to prior to. Have you and your future spouse considered what should happen with your estate in the future? There are a variety of key documents that can ensure your loved ones are taken care of in the event that something happens to you. It’s critical to plan your estate with your significant other in mind by selecting beneficiaries, determining shared and separate assets, and creating health care directives. The four most important estate planning documents are Last Will and Testament, Living Trust, Advanced Directive and Power of Attorney.

5. Name Change: Of the many changes we experience when we get married, and one of the most visible, is a change of last name. While one does not legally need to change their name, it is something to consider and discuss before the wedding. First, you must have the new name on the marriage certificate. Second, you’ll need to change your identification documents such as your Social Security card, driver’s license or state-issued ID, vehicle title and registration, passport, bank accounts, etc. In order to do this you will need to present the marriage certificate with your new last name. Then, use your new last name on everything you do moving forward.

Marriage is as much a commitment as it is a legal contract, so it’s critical to consider all aspects before getting married.
Rights and responsibilities vary by state, but the above-mentioned financial topics to consider before getting married are important for everyone to think about ahead of time. Consulting with a family law attorney and pre-marital counselor can put your mind at ease, reach out today for an appointment with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Nassau County, NY.

Chana Pfeifer is currently seeing clients through telehealth virtual platforms and in-person (socially-distanced).

Long Island counselor helping couples before getting married.

Long Island marriage counselor Chana Pfeifer is helping couples before getting married…

The key to a successful marriage is finding the right person (for you). But how do you know if it’s right for sure before you walk down the aisle?

That’s where premarital counseling comes in. These are services for couples who want to make sure their relationship is off to a good start before they commit for the long-term.

Here’s how premarital counseling can help couples thinking about getting married:

1. Learn to communicate effectively.

One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. But it’s not always easy to communicate effectively; we all know how excruciating it can be not being understood by your partner. Counselors can help you learn how to communicate with one other so that you can avoid misunderstandings and jump back from arguments quickly and without resentment!

2. Resolve any on-going conflicts.

Even the happiest of couples argue from time to time. But if you’re constantly fighting, it’s a sign that something is wrong and it’s not being resolved. Counselors can help mediate an argument so you can resolve your differences and move on from the disagreement without causing more damage to the relationship.

3. Set realistic marriage expectations.

It’s important to have realistic expectations for your relationship. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment! Counselors can help you understand and express what you both expect from the marriage so that you can adjust your expectations accordingly, and be on the same page. They can help you set financial goals, decide how to raise your children, and figure out where you want to live. By planning for a successful future, you can make sure that your marriage gets off to a good start.

4. Mentally prepare for the wedding itself.

Wedding planning can be stressful, and pre-marital couples therapy can help you get through it. A counselor will help you figure out what’s important to you and your partner on the big day. You can clarify who you want (or not want) to invite, what will go on, where it will take place, when and why you want to.

If you’re considering getting married, counselors can help you prepare for a lifetime of happiness. By getting counseling before you tie the knot, you can avoid many of the problems that can ruin a marriage.

If you’re not sure you’re ready for marriage, counseling can help you figure it out. A therapist will ask you questions about your relationship and what you’re expecting from marriage. They’ll also give you some time to think about your decision so that you can be sure you’re making the right choice.

Counseling can help you communicate better, resolve conflicts, understand one other better, set realistic expectations, and plan for a successful future.

Helping couples before getting married – if you want to make sure your relationship is off to a good start, consider getting premarital counseling from Long Island marriage therapist Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.