Category: Couples Therapy

In pre-marital therapy, parenting techniques & roles are discussed openly.

Marriage and parenting can be two of the most rewarding and daunting life events. Some couples may opt for pre-marital therapy, which can allow them to resolve differences and evaluate future plans in a therapeutic environment. Pre-marital counseling can have a multitude of benefits and provide a stable basis for the journey of marriage.

Many topics can be addressed in pre-marital counseling, touching on the key factors that often divide people in a relationship.

Some of these may include finances, conflict resolution techniques, parenting strategies and communication. Even when couples are basking in the joy of a healthy relationship, they can easily forget to clearly define expectations for the relationship and concepts of what the marriage should look like.

Making the transition into being a new parent while balancing the stress of marriage can be difficult. While parenting a child can bring immense joy, it can also be a source of contention in relationships. Differences in parenting styles, financial stress, and unclear parenting roles can all cause excess strain on a marriage. Discussing these potential struggles ahead of time is a proactive way to reduce uncertainty and develop healthy strategies with your spouse.

In counseling, parenting techniques and roles can be discussed openly in a safe, neutral space.

You can work together to cultivate effective communication and compromise on the differences you and your partner may have. With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

Pre-marital therapy offers benefits for every couple, from the strong, healthy relationships, to ones in which you may feel disconnected from your partner. Chana Pfeifer has many years of experience guiding couples and offers pre-marital counseling at a convenient location in West Hempstead, Long Island.

If you and your future spouse are looking to cultivate a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Guided Meditation before Couples Counseling

Guided Meditation before Couples Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY

One thing that I appreciate about you is….
One thing that I appreciate about me is….

Learn breathwork to slow down the mind before therapy.

Get attuned with your awareness of your emotional state.

Awareness and communication are what makes a connected relationship work. If you feel you are having difficulty communicating with your partner, it would be beneficial to have a therapist guide you in the process. Sometimes, couples become so emotionally disconnected and stuck in negative patterns that it is difficult to talk openly and honestly. If this feels like you, then reaching out to a professional social worker could be a great step toward having a connected relationship.

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – counseling for couples and individual adults in a safe, supportive place.

For people who have concerns about their upcoming marriage, or want to increase compatibility with their partner, attending couples counseling with Chana Pfeifer can be a very rewarding experience!

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, NY:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more info. on couples counseling or guided meditation in Long Island, click here.

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Conversational Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy

Here is an example of how conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy works. This type of dialogue can be applied to appreciations, like in this video, and also for dealing with disagreements. It can be used for couples and also for any type of relationship.

One thing I appreciate about you as a partner / spouse / significant other:

First, Leora makes an appointment with Igor:

“I’d like to dialogue with you about an appreciation I have for you, is now a good time?”

After Leora finishes her statement, Igor repeats what he hears back to her:

“What I’m hearing you say is _______________________. Did I get that?

Leora then has a chance to say whether or not Igor received her message the right way. She responds with a yes or no.

Igor then asks:

Is there more?”

This gives Leora a chance to elaborate if she feels there’s more to say.

Igor then repeats the new information back to confirm that he heard her message correctly.

That’s about it in regards to the basics of conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This lets the speakers feel heard and the listeners learn how to fully hear what their partner is saying. After the speaker is done, the roles switch and now the listener has a chance to talk.

For more info. on Imago Relationship Therapy near you, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Divorce Counseling NY

Steer away from a high-conflict divorce. Divorce Counseling NY: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is an Imago Relationship Therapist who assists individuals and couples before, during, and after a divorce.

First & foremost, divorce counselors like Chana Pfeifer help you & your partner decide if you really want or need a divorce.

Sometimes, there are new perspectives that can be achieved after effectively communicating, which can open doors you didn’t even see available.

It’s miraculous how people can change after speaking their truths and being fully heard.

Divorce counseling gives you a safe space to talk and work out what’s really happening between the two of you.

However, in the event that you already know a divorce is necessary – if there’s any abuse for example – a divorce counselor will teach you and your partner how to effectively communicate to figure out the emotional, physical, financial legalities that accompany a divorce.

Whatever the situation, the common denominator is COMMUNICATION & CONSIDERATION.

We must communicate in a healthy way in order to progress in relationships.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Don’t say it mean.

Divorce Counseling NY:  For additional info. on speaking with a counselor, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Therapy After Cheating

Finding out that you’re being cheated on in a relationship is devastating. Why do people cheat? Well, there’s as many reasons as there is people, but some of the main reasons usually are:

People go outside of their relationship when they feel rejected / ignored / unappreciated by their partner.

Instead of addressing this issue with their current partner, someone else sparks that old feeling of being desired, and it becomes irresistible. Cheating on a partner can happen when an outside influence ignites lost feelings of being wanted.

Another reason why people cheat is because of unspoken resentment.

When people stop working through conflict in a relationship and they both just stuff their problems down and never speak about or work through them, people act out on each other as a way of expressing their anger. Intimacy becomes diminished and an emotional divide happens.

So, when it comes down to it, cheating on a partner isn’t solely based on sexual needs. It goes far beyond that. It encompasses ego, unmet desires, anger, etc.

Addressing the initial reactions of betrayal with a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience these feelings, it can be healing as well.

In relationships, we like to project and blame our problems on someone/something else because it’s much easier than looking at ourselves.

Once you can recognize your part in a cheating scenario, whether you are the cheater or the person betrayed by cheating, you can learn to see the red flags faster and make better decisions in your relationships. Once you own your part in it, whatever part it is, you can begin to move forward.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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Marriage Counseling after an Affair

infidelity counseling Long IslandThe effects of infidelity can be devastating and put significant strain on any relationship. When you find out your partner has been having an affair, it can be incredibly difficult to regain a feeling of trust or security. Moreover, infidelity can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and a myriad of unpleasant emotions.

These effects can make daily life more difficult, and affect your ability to focus or feel joy.

The partner who cheats is also likely to deal with the distress of infidelity. This may include anxiety, depression, and a severe feeling of guilt. Unfortunately, in some cases, cheating can evolve into a continuous cycle that the individual feels is difficult to end. Partners who cheat carry the burden of hidden truth on their shoulders, posing barriers to communication with their significant other.

Infidelity not only threatens the security of the relationship, but it poses distressing and often painful emotional effects.

Recovering from such effects are difficult and require effort on the part of both partners. Counseling can be an effective way to start this process. The professional guidance of a counselor can help you navigate and mediate discussions as a couple.

Through counseling, couples can discuss their expectations and fears in a neutral environment. In addition to addressing the initial reactions to betrayal, a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience those feelings, it can be healing as well.

Therapy provides an ideal space to talk about the events of infidelity, helping both partners to understand the factors that may surround it.

Effective communication can be one of the most difficult, yet helpful things to repair during such a time of distress. The disconnect in communication after an affair can be mended through guided talk therapy.

For the individual who is dealing with the pain of such an unexpected event, therapy can help build healthy coping skills for the initial trauma that will continue into the future. Patience and mindfulness can become key parts of this process, as well.

Chana can help you gain stability and get in touch with your emotional sensitivities after an affair.

Although some may decide that they may not want to continue in the relationship, counseling can help you develop a plan to move on in a peaceful manner. If a couple does decide that the relationship can be mended, therapy provides a structured, productive environment to do so.

Both partners’ needs can be considered while trust can be restored through a holistic, mindful approach. Chana Pfeifer offers healing treatment from the comfort of your home or in-office while following all social distancing guidelines.

If you have experienced or are currently facing the distressing effects of infidelity, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Couples Therapy During Lockdown

The stresses associated with lockdown amidst a global pandemic can have a significant effect on relationships. At first, social isolation with your partner may be a blissful escape from the daily routine; Over time, this constant proximity can lead to new difficulties, and previously unaddressed issues can become magnified. If you are having difficulties quarantining, perhaps consider couples therapy during lockdown.

counseling for depressionThe daily routines of most individuals have been abruptly altered by the parameters of lockdown.

A majority of common activities have been effectively cancelled, promoting an increased sense of loneliness and decreased ability to experience normalcy.

Increased divorce rates around the globe have been attributed to the stresses of lockdown, which may also play a role in depression and anxiety.

While enjoying time with your partner can reduce feelings of solitude, a lack of personal space can lead to increased contention and frustration.

Personal relaxation time can become virtually nonexistent, especially if there are also children staying at home. Tempers and anxieties may become amplified, bringing anger and stress to everyday activities.

Financial adversity can be another major source of conflict within a relationship. Millions of workers have become unemployed due to economic disruptions from the global pandemic. This additional economic hardship can cause couples to clash over finances, while leaving many stressed due to the difficulties of reduced income.

Maintaining a healthy dynamic with your partner is significantly more difficult amidst lockdown. Putting off such issues can just cause them to get increasingly worse over time.

If you’re experiencing conflict with your partner, separation isn’t the only option. Couples therapy during lockdown can help you create balance & achieve a sense of peace within your relationship.

Whatever conflicts you may be facing, therapy can help you mitigate these tensions in a calm, safe environment. Chana Pfeifer can help you address your issues as a couple while attending to the individual needs of each partner.

If you feel you’re growing apart as a couple, therapy can help you rekindle healthy communication.

Chana offers both virtual and in-person therapy. Sessions conducted virtually from your own home can be a convenient and easy option to start counseling. Chana also sees couples in her Long Island, NY office while adhering to all social distancing guidelines.

If you are experiencing relationship issues during these stressful times, don’t hesitate to contact a social worker to experience healing and regain lasting strength as a couple.

Dealing with Triggering Events of Divorce

How do you deal with triggering events of divorce that occur when you don’t have a normal family and we’re coping with the emotions of being divorced, co-parenting, COVID-19, and all the related challenges? There’s always triggers from the outside world, so what’s your advice on that?

Part of that is PLANNING AHEAD.

For example, if there’s a holiday coming up, ask if you’re having the kids or not. Also, recognize what the triggers were last year or if this is new, realize what might be difficult for you. Figure out how to surround yourself with people who can support you the way you need.

Rather than pretending that everything’s going to be fine or telling yourself that you’ll just get through it, sometimes, just ask for help when you need it.

Invite yourself to some one else’s house so that you’re not alone rather than waiting for that person to call you or give you an invitation if you need to be around people.

Look at your calendar and really see what may be triggering to you / what might be difficult times?

Figure out who you have in your support network or who you can enlist in your support network if you don’t have the support you need yet.

Get in the mode of being OK asking for help.

Sometimes, we need help, and that is okay. When we actually ask or help, we’re letting the other person help us and that’s nourishing for both parties.

We also have triggers with communication. Especially communication with our former spouse. Can you talk a bit about that as well?

Well, that’s partly being responsible for our own reactivity. Making sure we’re not exhausted, annoyed, stressed, hungry or anything like that before talking with someone. We’re responsible for not being insulting.

In Imago Relationship Therapy, we make appointments before speaking with someone so that we’re both present and respectful of each other’s time and availability. You simply just ask, “Is now a good time?”

Personal responsibility will affect the caliber of our communication with difficult people in our lives.

Too often we find people who point the finger and look to blame, and not look at the fact that there’s different ways to address the issues and those differences can make all the difference in the outcome.

Practice looking at yourself and thinking, what can I do differently? You can’t control any other person than yourself. So, how do you control yourself? How do you become aware of your own personal triggering events of divorce?

For info. on post-divorce counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

NY Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Chana Pfeifer, Long Island social worker, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, interviewed on Business Talk Radio

Chana Pfeifer has been a therapist for over 24 years and specializes in relationships.

Her specific training is called Imago Relationship Therapy created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. She ‘tripped’ over the approach when she was miserably married and going through 5 different couples’ therapists.

Below are a questions answered by Chana on Business Talk Radio:

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, Long Island on Business Talk RadioHow has the COVID-19 pandemic affected your business?

I’ll confess.. I have hated Zoom in some ways. There’s nothing like an energetic exchange with a live person, but Zoom has allowed me to work through the pandemic. I’m teaching a college class to 7 girls via Zoom and I’m pleasantly surprised how well it’s going (from my perspective).

Us therapists are struggling with sitting with uncertainty & all the same issues our clients are suffering with.

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Where do you see yourself in the near future?

One day I hope to resume my plans of doing premarital workshops so that we do a preventative work. For a drivers license, a person needs a written and practical test yet for a marriage, we just need a license. Most of us have not grown up in healthy relationships and I believe we can all use relationship training. I really believe this can prevent tremendous pain. I’m really grateful for what I’ve learned and how I can help people show up differently.

Chana sees adults live in her indoor / outdoor offices with social distancing, and also on Zoom & FaceTime.

Chana’s business locations are in Nassau County, NY
(two offices: one in West Hempstead & one in Cedarhurst, NY)

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans: Aetna

Payments can be made via: Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

How to deal with stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other emotions of divorce.

Emotions of Divorce: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is giving us a lot of insight into the human condition during divorce & during the experiences of the aftermath of divorce on the Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show.

A question that I often get is:

How people can best deal with the stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other related emotions of being divorced.

What can you tell us about that?

Chana Pfeifer, LCSWSo unfortunately, feeling like a failure and shame, they’re real…

It’s a public kind of demonstration where there’s a box that you have to check when you fill out basic applications. So really being aware of our feelings around that and our role in our marriage not working out. Rather than pretending that those feelings aren’t there, to deal with them and what were you responsible for in our relationship and how do we be proactive to manage those feelings differently.

Also really choosing to almost have like an invisible armor that if people give you a look, or certain judgments, be aware of that relationship space and that feeling of being judged and do we take that on or do we not?

We can consciously again be aware of our reactivity of us feeling like a failure, of us taking on the body language or choosing not to and saying, you know what, it didn’t work out and this is a new chapter and this is what I’m grateful for.

Or not having to give an explanation but really choosing do I participate in that energy or am I really comfortable with where am and it’s wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but at the same time, you know what? Here I am and I’m going to try to choose to move forward rather than getting stuck in that negativity, which doesn’t really serve us but it is there and pretending that it’s not, it’s hard.

I think in addition, we should be monitoring what we’re telling ourself because a lot of what’s behind those feelings of shame and blame and stigma or telling ourselves that we’re different, we don’t belong. We were a failure in our marriage or whatever that labeling is and that we can be very abusive to ourselves. Can we not?

Oh my gosh, we are our worst critics. Again, rather than pretending that those messages don’t go through our head, being aware, oh, there they are, and how am I choosing to show up differently? What are the positive messages that I want to give myself instead? I am lovable, I am successful, I am making healthy choices. We choose to be our own worst critic & maybe we want to show up differently.

Can I add another statement that something to the effect of, I’m still a good mother or father. Despite the divorce, I continue to be a valuable positive parent despite the divorce and reminding ourselves that the divorce does not judge my capability of parenting the children that I love.

Yes, 100%. When they quote the statistics about children of divorced parents, again that may be accurate to a certain extent, but they are individuals in this and how do we choose to show up given the knowledge that it is harder to parent when you have two separate households and what can we do differently rather than, well why bother because we’re divorced and I ruined everything.

Really thinking about how can we help show up as parents given that we do have two separate households and looking at the success cases. What are the success cases? Who does it well, I mean I had a friend who when it was not invoked, really demonstrated co-parenting beautifully that their divorce was not about, you know, I hate you, etc. It was really like, we are not good for each other, the energy is toxic and let’s parent our child the best that we can without fighting as much as possible. But let’s try to be on the same page. That’s really what’s best for the kids. So and it’s best for us too.

For additional info. on therapy, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.