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Relationship Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – May 2020

Relationship Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – May 2020 – This is an example of an Imago therapy session conducted remotely during Coronavirus. It is with a pregnant couple as they learn Imago dialogues to communicate more effectively with one another.

Thank you for allowing me to have the opportunity to share this therapy session with you. This is a live Imago session and this is what it looks like in my office. For me, we start with a brief meditation so that you can be in a calm, non-reactive way.

In a relationship, it’s so important to share how you’re feeling.

Use these relationship dialogue examples to begin communicating better:

I’d like to talk to you about ___. Is now a good time?

The one thing that I appreciate about you is…

What I heard you say is that…

Did I get you? Is there more?

Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for listening.

Relationship Therapy with Chana Pfeifer LCSW - May 2020

Feel really seen and heard in your relationship.

Learn to communicate effectively and truly feel listened to and understood. Break emotional boundaries, improve intimacy, and intellectually connect to live a full, healthy, and happy life.

For more information on relationship therapy, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Counseling Services for NYers

Counseling Services for NYers: Chana Pfeifer in W. Hempstead, NY:

I am available for telehealth appointments (Zoom or FaceTime) or in-person appointments, as long as we’re all symptom-free in my office or in comfortable rocking chairs in my backyard.

These are really really hard times. I don’t think there’s anyone who is getting through this unscathed. It would be my honor to assist you and give you guidance to get through this difficult time. Feel free to be in touch.

Counseling Services for NYers: seeing individuals, couples and pairs. Get professional support when you need it. Secure & confidential. Payments can be made via credit card, Zelle, and Chase QuickPay.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more information on counseling services:

Overcoming Depression: How Counseling is Helpful

How counseling is helpful in dealing with and overcoming depression with Chana Pfeifer, Licensed Clinical Social Worker.

Depression remains one of the most misunderstood issues we can suffer from. Everyone feels down from time to time, but depression is something very different, which is why sufferers need more help than being told to roll their sleeves up and just get on with it.

In fact, around 7% of Americans live with depression, that’s 16 million people, and there are many approaches to help them. At the heart of that help is therapy, but as depression itself is often misunderstood, so is the role of therapy in helping sufferers to deal with depression, and eventually overcome it.

Expressing the Problem

For many suffers of depression, talking to a counselor may be the first time they ever express the problem clearly. Just having someone who will listen can itself help, but for many, it’s the reassurance that the problem can be overcome.

Many sufferers feel ashamed that they are weak or a failure to succumb to the condition. Of course, this is not true, but for a sufferer, it can feel that way until it is otherwise explained. Therapy is often the first step to understanding the problem for sufferers.

Understanding the problem is the start of any journey to recovery, and during therapy, there may be many techniques used to help build the awareness of issues and the tools needed to overcome them, here’s an example..

A New Perspective

One of the ways counselling can be so helpful is by allowing patients to see the kind of behavior that reinforces the depression. Talking with a counselor can help sufferers to see things from a new perspective, in a very literal sense.

Those suffering from depression often have continual negative thoughts about past behavior, and that affects their view for the future too, assuming failure before trying to do anything.

This way of thinking often manifests physically too – staring at one area, often the floor, all the time and never looking up. During therapy, this kind of behavior can be identified and explained, and when encouraged to look up and look around physically, it can also be a catalyst to help the patient do the same with their thoughts. A new perspective can help you think differently about those key parts of life. Body posture affects your self-confidence!

Trusted Support

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW * The Happier MeEach journey to overcome depression is unique, but the constant from any therapy is complete support. By providing a safe space where issues can be discussed in a trusting, non-judgmental environment, the cause of depression and the behaviors it causes, can be addressed over time. This allows patients to build a tool set that helps them to overcome their problem and cope with future issues too.

For more information on overcoming depression through counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Yoga for Kids 3-5 Years Old

Yoga for Kids 3-5 Years w/ Chana Pfeifer, Licensed Clinical Social Worker.

Usually I teach you during camp and today I’m so excited to teach you yoga.

So what I’m going to ask you to do is breathe.

That’s the first thing because all yogis are breathing with awareness. So the first thing we’re going to do is talk about some different types of breathing.

Follow after me… Put your hand over your heart, close your eyes, and feel your heart breathing. Put your other hand on your belly. Breathe in through your nose … and breathe out of your mouth.

lion's breathNext thing we’re going to do is Lion’s Breath. Lion’s Breath is a powerful technique which helps release pent up energy, including stress, anxiety and anger. See if you can do it along with me…

Mountain Pose – put your feet firmly on the floor. Stick your chest nice and proud, holding your belly tight. Stand strong like a mountain. Close your eyes, and just feel strong for a minute. While you’re in that strong pose, say out loud, “I am strong!”

That’s awesome! And now we’re going to do another strong pose called Warrior one.. Warrior One pose strengthens your leg muscles and improves your flexibility.

For more yoga for kids 3-5 years with Chana Pfeifer, stay tuned!

Short Meditation for People with Busy Minds

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – Short Meditation for People with Busy Minds

Meditating is really hard for me.. I’ve been doing yoga for over 17 years and meditation is the hardest part. Through a lot of practice I find that sometimes it works for me and sometimes it doesn’t, but when it does, I’m really grateful. I do this with a lot of clients in my office. I’ve done it with the elderly in their homes. So I figured that I’d share with you a type of meditation that sometimes works for me.

I’ll do it with you..

I’m going to close my eyes. I’m going to start to breathe in and out of my nose. Breathing in … and breathing out … Especially in today’s day and age, being grateful for my breath. Noticing the air being a little bit cooler as it enters my nostrils. So as we start this meditation, I’m noticing how I feel in my body right now. Any sensations, tightness, pressure, and just noticing without judging it. For me, I’m noticing a little tightness in my chest. What are you feeling? I’m also noticing that right now, I’m feeling a little anxious. Remember to continue breathing in and out of your nose.

Now, my mind is usually racing – I have a very busy busy head. In yoga, they call it a ‘monkey mind’. Remember, to give yourself credit for trying your best during this meditation.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Mental Health During Coronavirus

I’m not Susie Sunshine today.. Respect how you feel. Mental health during Coronavirus: Just listen and pray, that’s all we can do.

I’m really struck by a friend of mine who is a nurse and her husband is positive for Coronavirus. I’m not feeling like Susie Sunshine today. I can’t image the horrific images that are going through their heads or how they’re even sleeping at night.

There’s a part of me that feels guilty that I’m OK and I’m not in the trenches.

I’m encouraging myself and you to respect where we are and do what we can, and to really pray for all those who need our help. So, I thank you for listening. I encourage you to reach out to each other and just listen because sometimes, that is invaluable.

Therapy from the safety and comfort of your own home. Soothe anxiety while feeling the security of being in your zone. HIPPA compliant platforms.

I am here for virtual counseling sessions with couples and individual adults during this time. I’m available on Zoom, Skype, and FaceTime. Payments can be made by credit card, Zelle, and Chase QuickPay.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Relationship Building with Chana Pfeifer: Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show

Relationship Building with Guest, Chana Pfeifer, Imago-trained Therapist Specializing in Relationship Therapy from Hempstead, NY and Host, Rosalind Sedacca of Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show on WGSN-DB Going Solo Network, Radio, TV & Podcasts.

Welcome to divorce, dating and empowered living with your host Rosalind Sedacca. Join Rosalind each week on a journey toward overcoming life’s many challenges to achieve peace, empowerment, and positive transformation. It’s time to relax, unwind, and transform your life with Rosalind Sedacca.

The focus of this show is to help you get more insights, information, tools and resources to have the most positive experience when you are divorcing with children, when you’re dating after divorce, and when you’re transitioning in your life so that you can move on and have a happier future.

So I have a wonderful guest today to help me with all of that and her name is Chana Pfeifer. Chana Pfeifer has been a licensed social worker for more than 25 years, specializing in relationships since 2013. She’s had a private practice since 2004, has worked in the home care field, and has been teaching a college class as well. Chana is passionate about her work as an Imago trained therapist, which is relationship work that I am very impressed with as well. It’s a really sound program that gets fabulous results and she’s also grateful for her own difficult personal journey, which includes having her own divorce. So welcome Chana.

Why don’t we start by asking you what it’s like being divorced and then being a marriage counselor?

Chana Pfeifer, LCSWI have taken all kinds of advanced courses and have done extensive training and at the same time I wasn’t able to fix my own relationship. But what it does, is it helps me know what it’s like to be in the trenches. I have this incredible knowledge and experience of what it’s really like to struggle in relationship. I’m not perfect either, but at the same time I’m honored to be able to help couples connect in a really conscious way, even though I wasn’t able to fix my own relationship. It is an interesting conundrum. If I wouldn’t have struggled in my own relationship, I don’t believe I would have come into this expertise. It has changed my life for the better both personally and professionally. I’m so grateful that I specialize in relationship work.

Well, I hear you and I appreciate and value your candor. That means a lot to our listeners because your honesty is refreshing and very important.

So because you’ve been through the divorce arena and you have all the professional experiences as a counselor, what’s your best advice for couples who are separating and divorcing?

So it’s really, to a certain extent, what the name of your center is and that really is to focus on the children. You know, and it doesn’t matter whether they’re little kids or whether they’re adults. No matter what, when we get divorced, we will always be their parents, whether the other parent is in their life every day, whether they’re not, they need us to support that.

I’ll never forget when my daughter was about seven or eight and I was very careful not to say anything negative about her father. She noticed my look on my face and she said, mommy, why do you have such a ugly look on your face when you talk to daddy? I was really flabbergasted because here I thought I was doing a great job of not badmouthing him, not God forbid alienating. She saw the body language that had an impact on her and that that was not healthy.

Even though we can’t control our unconscious feelings about our former spouse who we’re choosing not to be married to, they will always be our partner in terms being our child’s parent. And to respect that and to honor that because that child is half of our ex partner and instead of looking at our ex partner when we see our children, instead to look at this child who needs to feel whole. It doesn’t matter whether they’re young or old, my daughter’s now 24, it’s really important to really try to help that child love that part of him or herself because that never goes away.

So important and well said. I know our children are watching, learning from us as role models and judging us as well. And when they’re grown adults, they’re going to hold us very accountable for the way we handle that divorce. So sometimes parents feel they could get away with things, they mislead children with information they could bad mouth the other parent because the kids don’t know any better or afraid to say anything. But ultimately your children really are watching and learning and they will hold you very accountable when you’re, when they’re grown on how you handle the divorce. And that’s why it’s so important for us to be doing what you’re talking about, the role models for our children.

Take and be aware of our reactivity and our feelings about our ex partner because it’s not okay for the kid to experience that. Again, we’re allowed to not want to be with our ex, but at the same time that child, it’s important for them to feel loved and have some level of relationship, whatever it makes sense, that we don’t vomit our reactivity and our negativity on the child. Um, it’s really not fair to them to try to taint their image of the parents.

Well said and it’s so true and not make them feel guilty for loving both parents.

Absolutely. It’s such a great point that the more love a child receives, the better. And even if we don’t want to be with that person, the love they received from the parent, no matter what, generally speaking, that the more love the better.

I agree. A lot of people who move into the world of divorce feel a sense of aloneness, sense of losing their connectivity with others. And of course we are recording this interview during the midst of the Coronavirus where people are feeling even more alone. So can you talk to us a bit about that?

Sure. Part of what I’ve found, and we can pretend that we’re fine, but there are certain events that are triggering, let’s say going to a wedding, which we’re not dealing with right now, but where we can feel very alone and really consciously choosing nourishing activities. You know, picking up the phone and actually hearing a person’s voice, really using the technology to see people’s faces, especially that we know, we really can choose to not be alone and to also really consciously choose to create a support system if we didn’t have one. Because I think, you know, as Harville Hendrix says, we are born to be in connection. And you know, I heard recently how teenagers who would, they’re constantly on their screens being that they’re not physically in school. You know, across the country now they’re really experiencing these feelings of isolation.

So it’s not just with, you know, we can experience still face, which that’s a whole other discussion, but that we find nourishing ways so it’s not just spending time with a person, making sure our phones are down and again, we can’t necessarily spend so much time with other people at this moment in our history. But one example is my stepsons would come over for dinner and they would make me dinner and we would just enjoy this conversation. In this time together. I felt it was so nice to feel like they were helping me. They made me dinner and at the same time it was just lovely to spend time as a family that way. It’s really trying to find nourishing, not just spending time together, but kind of massages the soul almost.

That’s a great expression. I love that you give a vivid visualization of what is happening when that connectivity is really being handled on a deeply heartfelt basis. So thank you for that.

It’s my pleasure. I just, I feel, I feel honored to be able to participate because it is so hard to feel alone. I’m very grateful for the choices only because I’m a therapist that I’ve learned and I’m really grateful to be able to share any kind of knowledge that I have. So I’m grateful that you asked me to participate.

divorce counseling Long Island NY

Chana Pfeifer is giving us a lot of insight into the human condition during divorce and during the experiences of the aftermath of divorce. A question that I often get is how people can deal best with the stigma, the shame, the insecurities, doubts and fears of feeling like a failure and other related emotions of being divorced. What can you tell us about that?

So unfortunately feeling like a failure and shame, they’re real. Um, it is a public kind of demonstration where there’s a box that you have to check when you fill out basic applications. And so really being aware of our feelings around that and our role in our marriage not working out. And rather than pretending that those feelings aren’t there, to deal with them and what were you responsible for in our relationship and how do we be proactive to manage those feelings differently. And also really choosing to almost have like an invisible armor that if people give you a look, certain judgments, be aware of that relationship space and that feeling of being judged and do we take that on or do we not? And that we can consciously again be aware of our reactivity of us feeling like a failure, of us taking on the body language or choosing not to and saying, you know what, it didn’t work out and this is a new chapter and this is what I’m grateful for. Or not having to give an explanation but really choosing do I participate in that energy or am I really comfortable with where am and it’s wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but at the same time, you know what? Here I am and I’m going to try to choose to move forward rather than getting stuck in that negativity, which doesn’t really serve us but it is there and pretending that it’s not, it’s hard.

I think in addition, we should be monitoring what we’re telling ourself because a lot of what’s behind those feelings of shame and blame and, and stigma or telling ourselves that we’re different, we don’t belong. We were a failure in our marriage or whatever that labeling is, and that we can be very abusive to ourselves. Can we not?

Oh my gosh, we are our worst critics. And again, rather than pretending that those messages don’t go through our head, being aware, oh, there they are, and how am I choosing to show up differently? What are the positive messages that I want to give myself instead? I am lovable, I am successful, I am making healthy choices that we choose to be our own worst critic. And maybe we want to show up differently.

And can I add another statement that something to the effect of, I’m still a good mother or good father. Despite the divorce, I continue to be a valuable positive parent despite the divorce and reminding ourselves that the divorce does not judge my capability of parenting the children that I love.

Yes, 100%. And when they quote the statistics about children of divorced parents, again that may be accurate to a certain extent, but they are individuals in this and how do we choose to show up given the knowledge that it is harder to parent when you have two separate households and what can we do differently rather than, well why bother because we’re divorced and I ruined everything. Really thinking about how can we help show up as parents given that we do have two separate households and looking at the success cases. What are the success cases? Who does it well, I mean I had a friend who when it was not invoked, really demonstrated co-parenting beautifully that their divorce was not about, you know, I hate you, etc. It was really like, we are not good for each other, the energy is toxic and let’s parent our child the best that we can without fighting as much as possible. But let’s try to be on the same page. That’s really what’s best for the kids. So and as best for us too.

Absolutely. I so agree and yes that is the foundation behind the child center divorce network.

I’m located in New York, I’m in Cedarhurst and West Hempstead, long Island. I’m doing tele-health sessions now, which is something I’ve never done before but I assist in workshops. I was going to do a workshop in a local coffee shop. Very grateful for what I do.

We are grateful for what you do as well. And you are listed on the child centered divorce directory of experts because I am so impressed with the quality of the services we’re offering. Uh, let me ask you this as our last question. How do you deal with the triggering events that occur when we don’t have a normal family and we are coping with being divorced and co-parenting and all the related challenges? There’s always triggers from the outside world. And what’s your advice on that?

Part of that is planning ahead. For example, if there’s a holiday coming up, am I having the kids and I not having the kids? What were the triggers last year? And if this is new, then what might be difficult and how can I surround myself with people who can support me in the way that I need? So it’s rather than pretending, Oh, everything’s going to be fine or I’ll get through it. It’s also asking for help, you know, inviting yourself to someone’s house so that you’re not alone rather than waiting for that person to call you and invite you. I mean, my life is a little bit crazy. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve told, please call me and invite yourself because I just might not think about you. And so, and if you ask me, it would make me so happy. And so again, part of it is looking at your calendar and saying, so what might be triggering? What might be difficult times? Who do I have in my support network? Or who can I enlist on my support network that maybe I haven’t.

I just, earlier today a colleague of mine was saying that she can’t find ground Turkey where she lives. And so I said, well, I wonder if there’s any one person that maybe you wouldn’t normally ask, but just keep your eyes out and if you see it, grab me two pounds and that would be great. And so just getting into this mode that it’s okay to ask for help and that sometimes we need help and sometimes we give help and that when we ask for help, we’re actually letting the other person help us. And that again, that’s nourishing for both parties. That’s been one of the huge stretches for me in being divorced. I like to help people. I’d rather not, you know, ask for help, but it sometimes I can give help and sometimes I need help.

So true. Yes. And we also, we also have triggers sometimes in communication, especially communication with our former spouse when we’re talking about issues. Um, can you talk a bit about that as well?

Well, that’s partly being responsible for our own stuff and our own reactivity and making sure we’re not ‘hangry’, you know, hungry and angry. We’re not exhausted. One of the many tips that I’ve loved from Harville Hendrix is making an appointment that, Hey, I want you to talk to you about switching weekends.. is now a good time? You know, and making sure that it’s a good time for us, that we’re not crazed and annoyed, that we’re responsible to talk in a calm tone of voice and we’re responsible for not being insulting. One expression I love is when a finger is pointed at someone else, there’s one finger pointing forward and three fingers pointing at ourselves. Again, being aware of what we are putting into that relationship building space. We may not know why does it have to have it? But again, we chose to have children together. So we have that and we need to be aware of our own triggers.

So there’s a great deal from what you’re talking about in personal responsibility. Personal responsibility will affect the caliber of our communication with difficult people in our lives and sometimes is our former spouse with difficult children and with difficult issues that are going on it too easy. Too often we find people will point the finger and blame and blame and not look at the fact there are different ways they can address the issues and those differences can make all the difference in the outcome.

Absolutely. If we recorded every session and looked at ourselves again, what can we do differently? Rather than looking at the other person, I can’t control any person other than myself. How do I control myself? How do I be aware? How do I notice rather than just looking at the other person?

That’s fabulous. Then I want to thank you Chana Pfeifer for all the wisdom you’ve shared with us.

For more info. on divorce counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Imago Therapy for Social Work Professionals

What is Imago Therapy? Hosted by Nancy Hilsenrath, LCSW, CASAC, SAP, Treatment Placement Specialists, with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, CIT.

Tuesday, March 24, 2020
11:30 am – 1:30 pm

Join us for an interactive discussion with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, CIT surrounding Imago therapy for couples coaching and relational counseling. This event is for professionals in the field of social work and mental health.

Imago therapy is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. The term imago is Latin for “image” and, within imago relationship therapy, refers to an “unconscious image of familiar love.”

Speaker: Chana Pfeifer LCSW,CIT

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW * The Happier MeChana is a social worker practicing for over 23 years. She is a certified Imago therapist who specializes in couples and relationships in her private practice. She has office locations in West Hempstead and Cedarhurst, New York. She also is a per diem social worker for NYU Winthrop’s home care department and is an adjunct professor at a division of Concordia College, Sara Schenirer.

For questions and to RSVP, please contact Nancy Hilsenrath
Nancy.Hilsenrath@AcadiaHealthcare.com
(516) 316-7657

Imago Therapy for Professionals

Prime Bistro – 305 Central Avenue Lawrence, NY 11559

Prime Bistro: elevated French fare served in a classic, sophisticated setting with banquette seating & a cozy bar. Wheelchair accessible entrance / seating.

Imago Therapy for Professionals

Couples Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Sometimes it can be difficult to get your spouse to talk about the issues you’re both experiencing. It’s important to remember that it might not be a matter of them not wanting to talk about things, but rather them not knowing exactly how to talk about them. This is where couples therapy with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW might come in handy!

Chana’s couples’ therapy is based on Imago Relationship Therapy, created by Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt.

Physical intimacy in a relationship is important for couples. Holding hands, massaging each other, cuddling during a movie, etc. keeps your bond together. It’s not just about sex. It’s about connecting physically and emotionally.

Not only can affectionate touch promote feelings of bonding and attachment in couples, but in long-term relationships, it also contributes to overall physical health and well-being.

Chana Pfeifer will help each partner make clear what he or she needs, so the partner can feel safe to give it. She assists couples in difficult times come into safety and connection. She helps partners be heard. She helps couples work through conflict and anger to create an environment of “getting my world”.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com