relationship conflicts Archives ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when an individual holds two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This inconsistency between what a person thinks and how they behave can cause discomfort, tension, or anxiety.

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs.

The concept of cognitive dissonance was first introduced by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Festinger proposed that people strive for internal consistency and that when they encounter conflicting information, they experience dissonance.

Types of Cognitive Dissonance

Pre-decision dissonance: occurs before making a decision, when an individual is torn between conflicting options.
Post-decision dissonance: occurs after making a decision, when an individual may question their choice.
Belief dissonance: occurs when an individual’s beliefs are challenged or contradicted.

Consequences of Cognitive Dissonance

Dissonance reduction: individuals may change their attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors to reduce the discomfort caused by dissonance.
Rationalization: individuals may create justifications or excuses to alleviate the discomfort caused by dissonance.
Denial: individuals may refuse to acknowledge or accept the conflicting information.

Here are some examples of cognitive dissonance in relationships:

Romantic Relationships:

Staying in an abusive relationship: A person knows that their partner is abusive, but they stay in the relationship because they believe they love their partner or don’t want to be alone.
Ignoring infidelity: A person knows that their partner is cheating on them, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or lose the relationship.
Downplaying partner’s flaws: A person knows that their partner has significant flaws, but they downplay or justify them because they want to believe that their partner is perfect.

Friendships:

Ignoring a friend’s toxic behavior: A person knows that their friend is toxic or manipulative, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront their friend or lose the friendship.
Justifying a friend’s bad decisions: A person knows that their friend is making bad decisions, but they justify or enable them because they don’t want to be seen as judgmental.
Staying in a one-sided friendship: A person knows that their friendship is one-sided, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be alone or lose the friendship.

Family Relationships:

Ignoring a family member’s addiction: A person knows that a family member is struggling with addiction, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
Justifying a family member’s abusive behavior: A person knows that a family member is abusive, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
Staying in a toxic family dynamic: A person knows that their family dynamic is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be ostracized or lose their family.

Workplace Relationships:

Ignoring a coworker’s bullying behavior: A person knows that a coworker is bullying others, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
Justifying a manager’s unfair treatment: A person knows that their manager is treating them unfairly, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to rock the boat or lose their job.
Staying in a toxic work environment: A person knows that their work environment is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to lose their job or benefits.

By understanding cognitive dissonance, individuals can become more aware of their own thought processes and take steps to reduce discomfort and promote internal consistency.

For more information on counseling, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY.

Follow The Happier Me on Instagram

The most common relationship dealbreakers.

The most common relationship dealbreakers (h/t to Justin Lehmiller).

“A study of 2,445 heterosexual, European adults aged 18-45 rated how likely they would be to reject a potential partner based on each characteristic.

Ratings for short- and long-term relationships were collected separately.

The results yielded 7 distinct factors that constituted the most common relationship dealbreakers.

These factors were:

Unambitious (indecisive, no sense of purpose)
Hostile (unfriendly, grumpy)
Filthy (dirty, stinky)
Arrogant (egotistical, overly opinionated)
Unattractive (physically unappealing)
Clingy (insistent, eager to commit)
Abusive (aggressive, violent)”

Do you agree with any/all of these relationship dealbreakers?

Let me know what you think on Facebook!

Original source from Chris Williamson.

In pre-marital therapy, parenting techniques & roles are discussed openly.

Marriage and parenting can be two of the most rewarding and daunting life events. Some couples may opt for pre-marital therapy, which can allow them to resolve differences and evaluate future plans in a therapeutic environment. Pre-marital counseling can have a multitude of benefits and provide a stable basis for the journey of marriage.

Many topics can be addressed in pre-marital counseling, touching on the key factors that often divide people in a relationship.

Some of these may include finances, conflict resolution techniques, parenting strategies and communication. Even when couples are basking in the joy of a healthy relationship, they can easily forget to clearly define expectations for the relationship and concepts of what the marriage should look like.

Making the transition into being a new parent while balancing the stress of marriage can be difficult. While parenting a child can bring immense joy, it can also be a source of contention in relationships. Differences in parenting styles, financial stress, and unclear parenting roles can all cause excess strain on a marriage. Discussing these potential struggles ahead of time is a proactive way to reduce uncertainty and develop healthy strategies with your spouse.

In counseling, parenting techniques and roles can be discussed openly in a safe, neutral space.

You can work together to cultivate effective communication and compromise on the differences you and your partner may have. With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

Pre-marital therapy offers benefits for every couple, from the strong, healthy relationships, to ones in which you may feel disconnected from your partner. Chana Pfeifer has many years of experience guiding couples and offers pre-marital counseling at a convenient location in West Hempstead, Long Island.

If you and your future spouse are looking to cultivate a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Couples Therapy During Lockdown

The stresses associated with lockdown amidst a global pandemic can have a significant effect on relationships. At first, social isolation with your partner may be a blissful escape from the daily routine; Over time, this constant proximity can lead to new difficulties, and previously unaddressed issues can become magnified. If you are having difficulties quarantining, perhaps consider couples therapy during lockdown.

The daily routines of most individuals have been abruptly altered by the parameters of lockdown.

A majority of common activities have been effectively cancelled, promoting an increased sense of loneliness and decreased ability to experience normalcy.

Increased divorce rates around the globe have been attributed to the stresses of lockdown, which may also play a role in depression and anxiety.

While enjoying time with your partner can reduce feelings of solitude, a lack of personal space can lead to increased contention and frustration.

Personal relaxation time can become virtually nonexistent, especially if there are also children staying at home. Tempers and anxieties may become amplified, bringing anger and stress to everyday activities.

Financial adversity can be another major source of conflict within a relationship. Millions of workers have become unemployed due to economic disruptions from the global pandemic. This additional economic hardship can cause couples to clash over finances, while leaving many stressed due to the difficulties of reduced income.

Maintaining a healthy dynamic with your partner is significantly more difficult amidst lockdown. Putting off such issues can just cause them to get increasingly worse over time.

If you’re experiencing conflict with your partner, separation isn’t the only option. Couples therapy during lockdown can help you create balance & achieve a sense of peace within your relationship.

Whatever conflicts you may be facing, therapy can help you mitigate these tensions in a calm, safe environment. Chana Pfeifer can help you address your issues as a couple while attending to the individual needs of each partner.

If you feel you’re growing apart as a couple, therapy can help you rekindle healthy communication.

Chana offers both virtual and in-person therapy. Sessions conducted virtually from your own home can be a convenient and easy option to start counseling. Chana also sees couples in her Long Island, NY office while adhering to all social distancing guidelines.

If you are experiencing relationship issues during these stressful times, don’t hesitate to contact a social worker to experience healing and regain lasting strength as a couple.