couples therapy Archives ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

Long Island counselor helping couples before getting married.

Long Island marriage counselor Chana Pfeifer is helping couples before getting married…

The key to a successful marriage is finding the right person (for you). But how do you know if it’s right for sure before you walk down the aisle?

That’s where premarital counseling comes in. These are services for couples who want to make sure their relationship is off to a good start before they commit for the long-term.

Here’s how premarital counseling can help couples thinking about getting married:

1. Learn to communicate effectively.

One of the most important things in a relationship is communication. But it’s not always easy to communicate effectively; we all know how excruciating it can be not being understood by your partner. Counselors can help you learn how to communicate with one other so that you can avoid misunderstandings and jump back from arguments quickly and without resentment!

2. Resolve any on-going conflicts.

Even the happiest of couples argue from time to time. But if you’re constantly fighting, it’s a sign that something is wrong and it’s not being resolved. Counselors can help mediate an argument so you can resolve your differences and move on from the disagreement without causing more damage to the relationship.

3. Set realistic marriage expectations.

It’s important to have realistic expectations for your relationship. Otherwise, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment! Counselors can help you understand and express what you both expect from the marriage so that you can adjust your expectations accordingly, and be on the same page. They can help you set financial goals, decide how to raise your children, and figure out where you want to live. By planning for a successful future, you can make sure that your marriage gets off to a good start.

4. Mentally prepare for the wedding itself.

Wedding planning can be stressful, and pre-marital couples therapy can help you get through it. A counselor will help you figure out what’s important to you and your partner on the big day. You can clarify who you want (or not want) to invite, what will go on, where it will take place, when and why you want to.

If you’re considering getting married, counselors can help you prepare for a lifetime of happiness. By getting counseling before you tie the knot, you can avoid many of the problems that can ruin a marriage.

If you’re not sure you’re ready for marriage, counseling can help you figure it out. A therapist will ask you questions about your relationship and what you’re expecting from marriage. They’ll also give you some time to think about your decision so that you can be sure you’re making the right choice.

Counseling can help you communicate better, resolve conflicts, understand one other better, set realistic expectations, and plan for a successful future.

Helping couples before getting married – if you want to make sure your relationship is off to a good start, consider getting premarital counseling from Long Island marriage therapist Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Advice for Couples Separating or Divorcing with Children

What’s your best advice for couples who are separating or divorcing with children?

It’s important to focus on the children.

It doesn’t matter whether they are little kids or adults. No matter what, when we get divorced, we will always be their parents – whether the other parent is in their life everyday or whether they’re not. Our children need us to support that both of us are still their parents.

I’ll never forget when my daughter was about 7 or 8 years old (I was careful never to say anything negative about her father), she noticed a look on my face and she asked me, “Mommy, why do you have such an ugly look on your face when you talk to Daddy?” I was really flabbergasted because here I thought I was doing a great job of not badmouthing him or alienating him, but she saw my body language and that still had an impact on her.

Even though we can’t control our unconscious feelings about our former spouse who we’re choosing not to be married to, they will always be our partner in terms of being our child’s parent.

It’s important to respect and honor that because that child is half of our ex-partner. Instead of seeing our ex-partner when we look at our children, instead, look at this child who needs to feel whole. It doesn’t matter whether they’re young or old, it’s really important to try to help that child love him/herself because it never goes away.

I know our children are watching, learning from us as role models and judging us as well. And when they’re grown adults, they’re going to hold us very accountable for the way we handled that divorce. So sometimes parents feel they could get away with things, they mislead children with information, they could bad mouth the other parent because the kids don’t know any better or are afraid to say anything, but ultimately, your children are watching and learning and they will hold you accountable when they’re grown on how you handle the divorce. That’s why it’s so important for us to be doing what you’re talking about, being role models for our children.

Take and be aware of our reactivity and our feelings about our ex-partner because it’s not okay for the kid to experience that. Again, we’re allowed to not want to be with our ex, but at the same time, for that child, it’s important for them to feel loved and have some level of relationship (whatever makes sense), and that we don’t vomit our reactivity and our negativity onto the child. It’s really not fair to them to try to taint their image of their parents if divorcing.

Don’t make your children feel guilty for loving both parents.

It’s such a great point that the more love a child receives, the better.

If you’re thinking of divorcing, consider counseling to help you navigate through the process. Call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Social Worker Booking Information:

Accepted Insurance Plans:

Aetna

Payments can be made via:

Cash, Check, Zelle, Chase QuickPay, American Express, Discover, Mastercard, Visa, Health Savings Account

Therapy for Infertility

Receiving a diagnosis of infertility can cause significant stress in multiple areas of functioning. This can manifest itself through both internal and interpersonal distress or conflicts.

It is not uncommon to develop anxiety and/or depression related to reproductive problems.

Common feelings can include: guilt, shame, helplessness.

Although women can be more susceptible to the effects of infertility-related stress, men are also vulnerable.

This stress can be accompanied by reduced self-esteem and difficulties with identity. It is common to practice maladaptive defense mechanisms such as avoidance, withdrawal, or denial. Unfortunately, this can further exacerbate psychological and emotional distress.

A tumultuous wave of emotions experienced by both partners during this process can lead to relationship conflicts if not addressed properly.

Individuals within a couple may feel insufficient, dejected, or worthless. Infertility-related stress may also coincide with sexual dysfunction. A spouse may feel the need to hide or minimize their feelings to reduce the amount of strain on their partner. Using such defense methods to ameliorate critical issues can be even more psychologically stressful than the problem itself.

If dealing with reproductive issues, you may be reluctant to reach out for help. You may feel overwhelmed about the future. It is important to remember that you are not alone. Counseling can provide a productive outlet for troubling emotions and a safe place to process and heal.

To better understand the factors involved in your family’s crisis, a licensed counselor can assess your history as well as your current state. Information regarding your symptoms and situational factors can help create a personalized treatment plan for you and/or your family.

A diagnosis of infertility or other reproductive issues may also present a variety of options for alternative conception or adoption. These decisions can be life-changing for all involved. If you are struggling with depression and high stress, it can be difficult to have the ability to think clearly moving forward. A counselor can help you explore the different options you may have and the possible ramifications of each.

Therapeutic treatment can be directed towards optimizing the self as well as strengthening communication with your partner.

Turning counterproductive defense mechanisms into healthy coping strategies can help you regain a calm sense of strength and confidence.

A non-judgmental therapy space can enhance your holistic well-being while renewing both your internal state of mind and your relationships.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today

Parent-Child Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy

Parent-Child Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy – Couples Counseling Session with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

“I am your parent. What is it like living with me? What is your deepest hurt with me?”

Imago relationship therapy is a form of couples counseling that helps those in relationships work out misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and rediscover ways to bond, communicate, and find common ground. Much of the work in Imago therapy involves learning to recognize how early childhood relationship experiences affect how we communicate, behave, and respond to others in adult relationships.

Imago relationship therapy teaches the skill of dialogue (i.e. parent-child dialogue) to help couples regulate anxiety and fully hear each other in an authentic, intentional dialogue. As couples are able to listen to each other with curiosity and a sense of safety, they are able to develop an empathic connection that allows them to understand the needs of their partner, as well as their own. The partners are then able to act on requested behavior changes, create a vision for their relationship, and act in more caring ways toward each other.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Learn to communicate.

Feel heard, accepted and safe.

Relax your mind and heart.

Build a relationship that feeds your soul.

Share words of affirmation.

Imago Relationship Therapy

What an honor to assist Drs. Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt and my esteemed colleagues this past weekend with 60 couples at Omega.

Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D. are internationally-respected couples’ therapists, educators, speakers, and New York Times bestselling authors. Together, they have written over 10 books with more than 4 million copies sold, including the timeless classic, Getting The Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. In addition, Harville has appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television program 17 times!

To assist the transformation of all relationships, Harville and Helen co-created IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY, which is applicable to couples, families, parents, and professionals who seek to be more effective in their life and relationships.

They’ve also developed resources that help couples, families, and educators strengthen their relationship knowledge and skills. They are the co-founders of Imago Relationships International, a non-profit organization that has trained over 2,000 therapists and educators in 51 countries around the world.

In addition, Harville and Helen co-created the non-profit organization, RELATIONSHIPS FIRST, which helps people learn how to connect through their differences. Using a simple three-step process called “Safe Conversations,” they teach people how to become more present in all of their relationships. Click here to learn more about Drs. Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt.

For additional information on Imago Relationship Therapy, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Marriage Counseling Benefits

Does your mind crawl back to the day when you said “yes” to your spouse?

The words “I do” are stuck in your head like a song on repeat.. You think about all you have come across, all that you left for your partner, and all that you have accomplished together. You never would have thought about marriage counseling benefits when things were going so well.

Marriage was never meant to be a piece of cake. The day you tied the knot with your spouse wasn’t just a beginning of a fairy tale. It wasn’t just romance and honeymoon trips. Your marriage day was beyond all of this – it was the day where you were supposed to share everything in your life – from a bed, to financials, and above all, share what’s inside your hearts.

Your heart may change or disagree with something, but it wasn’t supposed to lose hope or feelings towards your partner. However, sometimes life does take U-turns and go crazy because of bumps that come along or milestones that crush you down, and it’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore about him/her. The first step to overcome this hard ride is to accept the reality of your heart and mind.

Are marriage counseling services really worth it?

Next, you have to buckle up and get ready to talk. But consulting with a friend or family member isn’t the right place. Marriage counselors do have a major role in making life easier with marriage conflicts and perhaps one last try wouldn’t hurt.

Marriage Counseling Benefits: with therapy, you can start:

● Resolving conflicts from a neutral perspective.

● Analyzing the reasons that made you and your spouse disconnect.

● Processing the emotions and ill feelings that led to consequences.

● Receiving guidance to divert away from the turmoil.

● Creating a sense of clarity with what your mind & heart want.

The entire process of realization and building communication must be addressed professionally.

When a couple is stressed, a lot of negativity takes control and makes getting back together the last resort. It makes it blurry for both individuals to understand and think for a second. Due to back-to-back fights and arguments, ill feelings towards each other mess up the foundation of what could be a great relationship.

By talking about your feelings and problems in a guided manner, a counselor tends to draw parallels between both people and address conflicts accordingly. It helps both reconcile and value the power of love and relationship.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Marriage Counseling

Relationships Built On Trust

A healthy marriage is built on a strong foundation of trust, however it’s not an easy topic to discuss. You may feel pressured into saying, “Yes, I trust you” but if you do have sincere concerns, now is the time to discuss them. There is no room for doubt between a husband and wife.

Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them, and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other.

A few questions to ask your partner if trust is an issue in your relationship:

Do you trust me?
Is there anything you feel you can’t trust me with?
Have you ever felt the need to check my phone?
Have I ever done anything to lose your trust?
If you don’t trust me, what are steps I can take to regain it?

Imago Relationship Counseling

Sometimes, it can be very hard to overcome disagreements and you two might feel stuck – not knowing how or when to communicate to get past it.

Intervention can mean all the difference in saving a marriage or letting the ship sink!

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

In marriage counseling, the therapist will try to teach you and your spouse certain crucial communication skills. Most domestic problems are the result of not being able to communicate your point of view to your partner effectively, but therapy can help resolve that as you are given the opportunity to speak your mind freely.

The therapist will then help you look at both the negative and positive aspects of your relationship, so that you can focus on the good and work on strategies to deal with the bad.

You will also learn new communication skills that will teach you how to talk to your partner without offending him/her, and will be given opportunities to discuss your differences in a controlled manner.

Marriage Counseling Long Island

If you are searching for an expert marriage counselor in the Long Island area, contact Chana Pfeifer.

Counseling for Conscious Couples