Category: Couples Therapy

Tips for Couples Communication During the Holidays

During the holidays, couples communication should focus on open and honest dialogue, active listening, setting clear boundaries, expressing needs, and checking in with each other regularly to navigate potential stressors and ensure both partners feel heard and supported throughout the festive season.

Key aspects of good couples communication during the holidays:

Open and honest conversation: Discuss expectations, potential stressors, and preferred holiday activities with your partner to avoid misunderstandings.

Active listening: Pay full attention to your partner’s feelings and concerns without interrupting, and try to understand their perspective.

Expressing needs: Clearly communicate your own needs and desires regarding family visits, gift-giving, and holiday activities.

Setting boundaries: Establish limits on what you are comfortable with during the holidays, including time spent with certain family members or social events.

Checking in regularly: Make time to check in with your partner throughout the holiday season to see how they are feeling and address any concerns.

Compromise and flexibility: Be willing to adjust plans and expectations as needed to accommodate your partner’s needs.

Stress-reducing conversations: If feeling overwhelmed, have open conversations about managing holiday stress together.

What to avoid during holiday communication:

Making assumptions: Don’t assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling.

Being critical or judgmental: Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective rather than criticizing their choices.

Ignoring issues: Don’t sweep problems under the rug, address concerns promptly and openly.

Effective communication is the foundation of any strong relationship.

It allows partners to express their needs, understand each other, and build trust, ultimately leading to a deeper connection and the ability to navigate challenges together.

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is seeing clients virtually and in-person in West Hempstead, Long Island, New York. Contact her here.

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Conscious Dialogue example in Imago Relationship Therapy

Conscious dialogue within a marriage relationship refers to a mindful, intentional, and respectful communication style that fosters deeper understanding, empathy, and connection between partners.

Here are key elements:

  • Active listening: Fully present and attentive to each other.
  • Awareness: Recognizing emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations.
  • Honesty: Authentic and transparent sharing.
  • Non-judgment: Avoiding criticism or assumption.
  • Empathy: Understanding and validating each other’s perspectives.
  • Clarity: Clear expression of needs, desires, and boundaries.

Benefits:

  • Deeper intimacy and connection.
  • Conflict resolution and prevention.
  • Increased trust and understanding.
  • Emotional intelligence growth.
  • Healthier communication patterns.

Practices:

  • Schedule regular, dedicated conversations.
  • Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements.
  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Reflect and paraphrase to ensure understanding.
  • Show gratitude and appreciation.

By incorporating conscious dialogue, couples can strengthen their bond, navigate challenges effectively, cultivate emotional intelligence, and foster a supportive environment.

Conscious Dialogue example in Imago Relationship Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, New York:

Couples counseling involves a lot of communication, a conscious communication. Chana breaks down the fundamentals of how to talk, how to listen, and how to grow together as a couple for optimal long term success.

Would you like more information or specific tips?

For more info. on counseling, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Offices in Cedarhurst, NY & West Hempstead, New York + Virtual Availability

How can a therapist mediate a married couple’s problems?

A therapist can mediate a married couple’s problems by using various techniques and strategies to facilitate effective communication, identify and address underlying issues, and promote a stronger, healthier relationship.

Here are some ways a therapist can help married couples:

Initial Steps:

  • Establish a neutral and supportive environment.
  • Set clear goals and expectations for therapy.
  • Conduct individual and joint sessions to understand each partner’s perspective.

Communication Strategies:

  • Active listening: Encourage each partner to listen attentively to the other, focusing on understanding rather than responding.
  • Reflective listening: Repeat back what each partner has said to ensure understanding and show empathy.
  • I-statements: Teach couples to express feelings and thoughts using “I” statements instead of “you” statements, which can come across as accusatory.
  • Non-defensive communication: Help couples learn to respond without becoming defensive.

Identifying and Addressing Underlying Issues:

  • Identify patterns and cycles: Recognize negative patterns and cycles that contribute to conflicts.
  • Explore underlying emotions: Help couples understand and address underlying emotions, such as anger, hurt, or fear.
  • Uncover unresolved conflicts: Address unresolved issues and resentments.
  • Examine individual and shared values: Explore values, goals, and expectations.

Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution:

  • Collaborative problem-solving: Encourage couples to work together to find solutions.
  • Conflict resolution strategies: Teach effective conflict resolution techniques, such as compromise, forgiveness, and apologies.
  • Develop a conflict resolution plan: Create a plan for managing conflicts in the future.

Building Intimacy and Connection:

  • Emotional intimacy: Foster emotional closeness through vulnerability and empathy.
  • Communication exercises: Assign exercises to promote communication, such as sharing gratitude or appreciation.
  • Date nights: Encourage regular date nights to strengthen bonding.

Therapist’s Role:

  • Facilitate: Guide conversations and ensure both partners are heard.
  • Educate: Provide information on effective communication, conflict resolution, and relationship skills.
  • Support: Offer emotional support and encouragement.
  • Accountability: Hold couples accountable for their actions and commitments.

By using these techniques and strategies, a therapist can help a married couple:

  • Improve communication and conflict resolution skills.
  • Strengthen emotional intimacy and connection.
  • Address underlying issues and resentments.
  • Develop a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

Keep in mind that every therapist has their unique approach, and the specific techniques used may vary depending on the therapist’s orientation and the couple’s needs.

For more information, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island.

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First Date Musts

First Date Musts (by Jay Shetty on the Lisa Bilyeu Show)

Jay Shetty has joined Lisa to discuss his latest book, 8 Rules of Love which includes so much more than just 8 rules. Jay Shetty shares the lessons and experiences he’s picked up from his marriage and time coaching others on how to have deeper and more meaningful relationships.

First Date Musts – The Most Important Questions You MUST Ask Your Partner

The early days in a brand new relationship really make a difference in who you choose as a long term partner.

A great quote from this video:  “We’re holding onto a particular picture of love. We have an image of what love is and don’t have an image of what it could be or how it grows.”

These 3 date rules (by Jay Shetty) don’t have to be done in any particular order, as long as they’re researched ahead of commitment / marriage.

3 Date Research:

1. DO I LIKE THIS PERSON’S PERSONALITY?

Do I get along with this person? Do I like their company? Are they interesting and fun to hang out with? Are you willing to spend 200+ hours with this person?

Most of the time on a first date, we’re more likely to be focused on if the other person likes us. Instead, we should be evaluating how they make us feel when around them, or if we share the same morals or life outlooks.

2. DO I RESPECT THEIR VALUES?

We don’t often understand our partner’s true values until much later. (This is why premarital counseling is so essential. Find more info. about my premarital therapy here.) We may not prioritize things in the same way.

What do they care about the most? You can find this out by listening to what they talk about the most. They’ll show you what they care about. Also, make a list of your own priorities.

3. Am I committed to helping them achieve their goals?

Am I ready (at any level) to help this person achieve their goals? Am I willing to be there with them and cheer them on? Do I want to see them and support them in attaining their dreams?

These 3 first date questions will help you assess who’s right for you.

If you’re looking for more information on talk therapy/counseling, contact me today.

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Find a partner who…

“Find a partner who not only wants to love you right, but is also emotionally prepared to create a home.

Your natural attraction is just the beginning, you both know that the health of your relationship is directly linked to your personal growth and the healing of old reactive patterns.

Internally, you both feel ready to share the work of love and to build a culture of calm communication.

The way you laugh as one, and handle storms with gentleness helps you cultivate a nurturing environment.

You understand that you each have your own identity that moves like a river ~ always changing, expanding, and evolving, but the beauty of your love rests on the fact that you have both intentionally decided to flow together, side by side.”

– find a partner quote by Diego Perez, instagram @yung_pueblo

#1 NYT Bestselling Author
New Book: The Way Forward ☀️
Co-Founder @wisdomventures
info@yungpueblo.com
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Is it normal for love to change?  It’s completely normal for romantic relationships to change and evolve over time. All relationships go through different phases (like the infatuation-filled honeymoon phase) as well as ups and downs. It’s not only possible to cope with these changes, but also to embrace and even appreciate them. (source)

Brief Meditation Before Marital Counseling with Chana Pfeifer

Brief Meditation Before Imago Marital Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, New York

Before starting Imago relationship therapy with a married couple in NY, Chana Pfeifer gives them a couple of minutes to breathe, connect, and center themselves into the present moment. This gives both people a chance to ground themselves and get into their intentions with the therapy session.

Brief Meditation:  One thing I appreciate about you as my partner/spouse/husband/wife is…..

Awareness and communication are what makes a connected relationship work. If you feel you are having difficulty communicating with your partner, it would be beneficial to have a therapist guide you in the process.

Sometimes, couples become so emotionally disconnected and stuck in negative patterns that it is difficult to talk openly and honestly. If this feels like you, then reaching out to a professional social worker could be a great step toward having a connected relationship.

Chana Pfeifer is currently seeing clients through telehealth virtual platforms and in-person in Nassau County, Long Island.

For additional information on counseling, call (516) 592-1107

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Parent-Child Dialogue – Felt Experience – Imago Therapy

Parent-Child Dialogue – Felt Experience – Imago Therapy Online

Here’s a clip with Chana in an Imago Therapy session online with a couple who was about to practice the “Parent-Child Dialogue,” a communication technique in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This is not about parent-shaming or parent-blaming, this is about our felt experience. As parents we know that we cannot be perfect. Some of our children may experience us giving them too much attention or not enough attention, and as parents, we do our best. So again, the focus of this dialogue is your felt experience.

Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.

IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY TEACHES COUPLES HOW TO:

  • examine each childhood upbringing & how this formed their ‘Imago’
  • resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
  • create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple

If you’re interested in Imago Therapy with Chana Pfeifer, contact her today.

“As a certified Imago therapist, I love what I do. My specialty is relationships. I deal with a variety of people, whether it is navigating couples’ challenging relationships, separation, blended families, or geriatrics. I feel the variety of many issues keeps my skills sharp.”

Why do couples fight?

Why do couples fight?

According to Dr. Harville Hendrix, (one of the founders of Imago Relationship Therapy along with his wife Helen LaKelly Hunt), after looking at couples for 8 years, came to a conclusion that they fight for a core reason:

“They experience a disconnection from each other and want the connection back, so they project the responsibility of that disconnection onto each other; each couple then defends against taking responsibility for it, which of course increases the disconnection. So fundamentally, it’s sort of a paradox that couples fight in order to get connected, and the fighting actually results in having them become more disconnected. Basically, couples fight because of a disconnect and they don’t like it.”

If you live on Long Island and would like more information on Imago Relationship Therapy, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

You can also call Chana at (516) 592-1107.

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, New York

COUNSELING FOR COUPLES IN A SAFE, SUPPORTIVE PLACE

If your relationship is distressed, a Long Island marriage counselor can provide you with a greater understanding of your relationship, a way to use your challenges as the opportunities they are for deeper connection, and a road map for repair.

The most common relationship dealbreakers.

The most common relationship dealbreakers (h/t to Justin Lehmiller).

“A study of 2,445 heterosexual, European adults aged 18-45 rated how likely they would be to reject a potential partner based on each characteristic.

Ratings for short- and long-term relationships were collected separately.

The results yielded 7 distinct factors that constituted the most common relationship dealbreakers.

These factors were:
  1. Unambitious (indecisive, no sense of purpose)
  2. Hostile (unfriendly, grumpy)
  3. Filthy (dirty, stinky)
  4. Arrogant (egotistical, overly opinionated)
  5. Unattractive (physically unappealing)
  6. Clingy (insistent, eager to commit)
  7. Abusive (aggressive, violent)”

Do you agree with any/all of these relationship dealbreakers?

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Original source from Chris Williamson.

West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW is a West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist

“Imago” is the Latin word for “Image” – specifically, your image of love.

Many of us choose a partner subconsciously to attempt to recreate frustrating situations from our past so that we can solve and heal unwanted relationship patterns.

Imago Relationship Therapy uses frustration / conflict as a way to lead to healing – and ultimately a closer, more meaningful relationship.

Couples Therapy:

You won’t always know what your partner needs, nor can they fully know what you need without communicating it. Through Imago Relationship Therapy sessions with Chana, couples will learn new (and affective) ways to communicate so that both partners’ realities can be fully expressed and understood.

IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY TEACHES COUPLES HOW TO:

  • examine each childhood upbringing and how this has formed their ‘Imago’
  • resolve conflict by understanding/empathizing each’s needs/desires
  • create a successful and gratifying plan for the future for you as a couple

Imago relationship therapy is designed to help partners / friends / colleagues / family members work out misunderstandings, reduce conflict, and rediscover ways to bond.

Individual Therapy & Paired Therapy Available Also

Relationships Are Complex. Learn To Manage Your Partnership With Confidence.

West Hempstead Imago Relationship Therapist office is located at:
422 Berrywood Ct., West Hempstead, New York 11552

Other locations available in Miller Place, NY (Holistic Counseling Center of Long Island with David Weber, LCSW) and Huntington, NY (Huntington Relationship Center with Robin Newman, LCSW).

Call for additional information:  (516) 592-1107

Appts Available In Person & Online.