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Conversational Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy

Here is an example of how conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy works. This type of dialogue can be applied to appreciations, like in this video, and also for dealing with disagreements. It can be used for couples and also for any type of relationship.

One thing I appreciate about you as a partner / spouse / significant other:

First, Leora makes an appointment with Igor:

“I’d like to dialogue with you about an appreciation I have for you, is now a good time?”

After Leora finishes her statement, Igor repeats what he hears back to her:

“What I’m hearing you say is _______________________. Did I get that?

Leora then has a chance to say whether or not Igor received her message the right way. She responds with a yes or no.

Igor then asks:

Is there more?”

This gives Leora a chance to elaborate if she feels there’s more to say.

Igor then repeats the new information back to confirm that he heard her message correctly.

That’s about it in regards to the basics of conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This lets the speakers feel heard and the listeners learn how to fully hear what their partner is saying. After the speaker is done, the roles switch and now the listener has a chance to talk.

For more info. on Imago Relationship Therapy near you, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a very powerful (and personal) thing, and can extend into many areas of your life. I encourage you to give self-compassion a try. Life will always be messy in some fashion so give yourself the kindness and support you deserve along the way.

In order to alleviate any type of suffering, you must be compassionate with yourself.

Self-compassion vs. Self-judgment

Do you generally beat yourself up over mistakes or find the lesson and move on? Your adaptability is an important tool to move forward with ease and confidence. Self-compassion helps to reduce distorted perceptions of self-blame, low self-worth and negative self-image.

Make a routine in self care.

This can be defined as going to the gym, taking a walk, getting a massage, doing your nails, practicing a sport, singing, painting – do whatever makes you feel good, with no other reason behind it than just feeling good.

Be mindful of how you speak to yourself.

Your internal dialogue matters. It creates your thoughts, which create feelings, which leads to your behavior. So, if you’re constantly speaking poorly about yourself to yourself, it’s going to be difficult to perform at your best. How would you respond to a friend going through the same situation as you? Do you talk to yourself as kindly as you do to others?

Surround yourself with loving people.

This may be more difficult for some people than others. Whether you have a network of people you can turn to, or you’re in search of a better crowd, know that you always have options and you are never alone.

Get restful sleep.

There are countless cases of people having sleep issues due to the many anxiety-inducing issues going on today. There is not enough attention on the subject and how it relates to mental health. If you are really feeling the blues, try to focus on getting the sleep you need and the rest you deserve. You’ll have a better chance at tackling life with the energy you need and a sound mind.

Just do the best you can, with what you have.

Sometimes, we’re just too hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break from perfectionism. Some days are just going to be worse than others. Be a support system to the most important person in your life… YOU!

If you would like to speak to Chana about therapy, contact her today.

Counseling After a Break Up

Choosing to end a relationship is a decision that can be a source of intense distress. While feeling upset or sad about a break up is a normal part of the grieving process, some cases can lead to chronic sadness, depression, and unhealthy stress-related behaviors. After a break up, it is important to let oneself have time to heal from the loss.

There are numerous reasons why couples may choose to separate, including but not limited to infidelity, arguments, abuse and/or general incompatibility. The decision to move on requires emotional strength and the ability to coordinate the lifestyle changes that may come as a result.

A future that was imagined together may now seem unclear. A number of emotions may be present, including anger, sadness, or a feeling of emptiness.

Following a break up, you might experience a negative internal dialogue that can leave you feeling down and even remorseful. It can be easy to fall into the cycle of rumination, where you constantly think about mistakes you may have made in the relationship. The burden of such constant waves of negativity can make the healing process significantly longer and more difficult.

Managing the emotional ramifications of the break up while handling the adjustment period that follows can be resource-intensive. Depression and stress-related psychological factors can manifest easily during such a time of distress.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by this process, therapy can help you regain your footing, both emotionally and psychologically.

A mindful approach can help foster gratefulness for the good times in the relationship while learning to accept all the new changes that may come as a result of the breakup. While this can take time, counseling after a break up is a key step to recovering and making progress in a healthy way.

Thoughtful planning with a therapist can help you overcome depression, anxiety and other life-disrupting effects following a separation of any kind.

Counseling after a break-up can help you rebuild self-confidence and embrace your individual identity. Through therapy, you can learn to harness your strength and defeat unhealthy defense mechanisms like avoidance or withdrawal.

Processing your thoughts and feelings in a neutral, non-judgemental environment can help with clarity in what seems like a chaotic situation.

Chana Pfeifer offers in-office and virtual counseling appointments to meet your individual needs. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of a breakup, don’t hesitate to reach out and begin a mindful journey of healing.

Contact Chana Today For More Information

The Link between Depression & Insomnia

If you’ve been feeling depressed, there may be many underlying issues as to why that is, as everyone has a unique experience with it. But sometimes, looking at your daily routine and personal habits can shed light onto things you’re doing that may be getting in the way of having a good night’s sleep.

What many don’t realize, is that depression is tightly interwoven with insomnia.

It’s really a vicious cycle: depression can cause insomnia & vice versa.. not sleeping causes depression.

Disrupted sleep and low mood can make you feel as if you’re trapped in a vicious cycle as one problem feeds the other. However, the connection between sleep deprivation and depression also means that understanding the relationship between the two could help you better manage both.

Although scientists are still trying to tease apart all the mechanisms, they’ve discovered that sleep disruption — which affects levels of neurotransmitters and stress hormones, among other things — wreaks havoc in the brain, impairing thinking and emotional regulation. In this way, insomnia may amplify the effects of psychiatric disorders, and vice versa.

health.harvard.edu 

Just like food, water & air, restorative sleep is vital for your health.

In terms of your mental health, sleep allows your brain to create new pathways and memories which help you learn, solve problems, pay attention, and make decisions. After a good night’s sleep, you’re more alert, able to think clearly and concentrate, and better control your emotions and behavior.

Sleep is also a necessity for your physical health as it helps your body grow, make repairs, maintain a healthy balance of hormones, and keep your immunity up. In light of this, it’s no surprise that sleep deprivation has been linked to a slew of chronic health issues including high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, diabetes, and obesity.

Sleep & Depression

depression counselingWhen someone has depression, their sleep becomes shorter in length, shallower, and less restful overall.

If you or someone you love is having trouble sleeping or struggling with symptoms of depression, you likely already have an understanding of the link between depression & insomnia. It’s no secret that not getting the sleep you need can bring down your mood, zap productivity, and make it difficult to get through the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

It’s common for people living with depression and sleep deprivation to come to associate their bed with negative feelings and thoughts. A poor night’s sleep can feel like a natural extension of a bad day, especially when it’s become a habit.

This is where meeting with a mental health professional may be important.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia can help you reframe these reactions in a more positive light and build your confidence that you can get a good night’s sleep.

Treating insomnia is obviously an important way to help improve psychological health.

For more information on counseling for depression, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Divorce Counseling NY

Steer away from a high-conflict divorce. Divorce Counseling NY: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is an Imago Relationship Therapist who assists individuals and couples before, during, and after a divorce.

First & foremost, divorce counselors like Chana Pfeifer help you & your partner decide if you really want or need a divorce.

Sometimes, there are new perspectives that can be achieved after effectively communicating, which can open doors you didn’t even see available.

It’s miraculous how people can change after speaking their truths and being fully heard.

Divorce counseling gives you a safe space to talk and work out what’s really happening between the two of you.

However, in the event that you already know a divorce is necessary – if there’s any abuse for example – a divorce counselor will teach you and your partner how to effectively communicate to figure out the emotional, physical, financial legalities that accompany a divorce.

Whatever the situation, the common denominator is COMMUNICATION & CONSIDERATION.

We must communicate in a healthy way in order to progress in relationships.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Don’t say it mean.

Divorce Counseling NY:  For additional info. on speaking with a counselor, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Adult Children of Narcissist Parents

Counseling for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

You may have recently come to the realization, or are beginning to suspect, that you have a parent that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a severe condition. People with narcissistic personality disorder are emotionally damaged individuals & incapable of empathy.

They have a need to be in control at all times and demand you accept their version of the world. They will act as a dictator to keep control and that depends on you not having any opinions about it to the contrary.

Narcissistic rage is a known characteristic of people with NPD. Gaslighting or shaming are common tools to keep you compliant.

Although they can be keenly aware of another person’s reactions, this doesn’t translate to them actually feeling empathy, but rather using the new information received for further manipulation. Narcissists will often cast themselves as the victim as well. This serves as a passive aggressive way to steer the story back to them while denying your experience. They do not admit having responsibility for anything and any blame is deflected onto something or someone else.

Being the child of narcissist parents have specific challenges while growing up.

counseling in NY

A narcissist’s way of overshadowing everything teaches a young child that there is no space for their own feelings. This often leads children to repress, distrust, and devalue themselves.

Narcissist parents cause enough confusion to blur your perception, making it more difficult to come out from under their umbrella of influence. It can be quite traumatizing (well into adulthood) until you can confirm your own reality. It may feel overwhelming when the veil of manipulation by a narcissist starts to lift..

Digesting these new insights is a process & best done with the help of a professional counselor, who can help steer you in the right direction of wellness.

Growing up under the shadow of narcissist parents, you have devised survival behaviors that you deemed necessary as a child. These become ingrained patterns of behavior and continue into your adult life as unconscious beliefs.

These learned habits can attract you to new relationships with similar narcissistic dynamics as your childhood. You may not be overtly aware of it because it just feels ‘natural’. The more conscious you become of the behavior patterns of narcissists, and your reactive survival patterns around them, the more you can direct your life in ways that are most healthy for you.

Healing from a parent with NPD is best when you have help rather than struggling all by yourself.

Trying to gather the confusing pieces and finding your way toward emotional freedom can feel like a daunting task.

You do not have do it alone.

Ironically, when you most could use a hand can be the hardest time to reach out for one. Please make the effort on behalf of yourself. A professional trained specifically in narcissist personality disorder can help guide you with focused strategies to carry on from current and lingering narcissistic abuse.

Having support is paramount. Support with a full understanding of the confusion, sadness or anger that coming out of the shadows of a narcissist can invoke is vital for your success. Help is available. Having a counselor by your side will help you find your strength and arm you with practical tools for you to heal and thrive.

If you feel you’re delving into depression or experiencing rage, together we can address it. Please seek a professional right away if you have feelings of hopelessness.

Professional support provides the clarity necessary to differentiate where your own boundaries lie and how you can maintain them. Reach out today and we will walk together toward the bright and promising life you deserve.

Therapy After Cheating

Finding out that you’re being cheated on in a relationship is devastating. Why do people cheat? Well, there’s as many reasons as there is people, but some of the main reasons usually are:

People go outside of their relationship when they feel rejected / ignored / unappreciated by their partner.

Instead of addressing this issue with their current partner, someone else sparks that old feeling of being desired, and it becomes irresistible. Cheating on a partner can happen when an outside influence ignites lost feelings of being wanted.

Another reason why people cheat is because of unspoken resentment.

When people stop working through conflict in a relationship and they both just stuff their problems down and never speak about or work through them, people act out on each other as a way of expressing their anger. Intimacy becomes diminished and an emotional divide happens.

So, when it comes down to it, cheating on a partner isn’t solely based on sexual needs. It goes far beyond that. It encompasses ego, unmet desires, anger, etc.

Addressing the initial reactions of betrayal with a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience these feelings, it can be healing as well.

In relationships, we like to project and blame our problems on someone/something else because it’s much easier than looking at ourselves.

Once you can recognize your part in a cheating scenario, whether you are the cheater or the person betrayed by cheating, you can learn to see the red flags faster and make better decisions in your relationships. Once you own your part in it, whatever part it is, you can begin to move forward.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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Marriage Counseling after an Affair

infidelity counseling Long IslandThe effects of infidelity can be devastating and put significant strain on any relationship. When you find out your partner has been having an affair, it can be incredibly difficult to regain a feeling of trust or security. Moreover, infidelity can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and a myriad of unpleasant emotions.

These effects can make daily life more difficult, and affect your ability to focus or feel joy.

The partner who cheats is also likely to deal with the distress of infidelity. This may include anxiety, depression, and a severe feeling of guilt. Unfortunately, in some cases, cheating can evolve into a continuous cycle that the individual feels is difficult to end. Partners who cheat carry the burden of hidden truth on their shoulders, posing barriers to communication with their significant other.

Infidelity not only threatens the security of the relationship, but it poses distressing and often painful emotional effects.

Recovering from such effects are difficult and require effort on the part of both partners. Counseling can be an effective way to start this process. The professional guidance of a counselor can help you navigate and mediate discussions as a couple.

Through counseling, couples can discuss their expectations and fears in a neutral environment. In addition to addressing the initial reactions to betrayal, a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience those feelings, it can be healing as well.

Therapy provides an ideal space to talk about the events of infidelity, helping both partners to understand the factors that may surround it.

Effective communication can be one of the most difficult, yet helpful things to repair during such a time of distress. The disconnect in communication after an affair can be mended through guided talk therapy.

For the individual who is dealing with the pain of such an unexpected event, therapy can help build healthy coping skills for the initial trauma that will continue into the future. Patience and mindfulness can become key parts of this process, as well.

Chana can help you gain stability and get in touch with your emotional sensitivities after an affair.

Although some may decide that they may not want to continue in the relationship, counseling can help you develop a plan to move on in a peaceful manner. If a couple does decide that the relationship can be mended, therapy provides a structured, productive environment to do so.

Both partners’ needs can be considered while trust can be restored through a holistic, mindful approach. Chana Pfeifer offers healing treatment from the comfort of your home or in-office while following all social distancing guidelines.

If you have experienced or are currently facing the distressing effects of infidelity, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Counseling to Help Deal with Emotional Triggers

Emotional triggers can be defined as memories, thoughts, situations or experiences that cause significant distress.

Although they can be a component of trauma-related conditions such as PTSD, they also play a role in anxiety and depression. Whether associated with a traumatic experience of the past or amplified by anxiety, emotional triggers can have negative effects in your life.

The reactivity you may feel to certain events or memories can manifest in a variety of ways.

Emotional outbursts may be directed at others or turned inwards, resulting in immense discomfort. The continued cycle of triggers, distress and avoidance can be exhausting in itself, leaving little space to understand or reduce their frequency and severity.

Common reactions to emotional triggers may include fear, sadness, anger or any number of intense emotions. It may manifest in a physical sense similar to anxiety, with reactions such as a racing heart, nausea, sweating, shaking and/or shortness of breath. When triggered, it may be easy to lash out at others, provoking even more tension and emotional turmoil.

Although one’s immediate reaction to such unpleasant experiences may be to limit exposure to such stressors, avoidance can lead to additional anxiety. It’s important to understand and develop strategies that can help mitigate the stress and fear associated with such situations. Rather than letting such apprehension disrupt your daily activities, learning healthy coping mechanisms can bring immense healing.

A fresh perspective can make a difference in your perception of emotional triggers. Although some triggers may not have a clear origin, taking the time to explore them in a calm, safe environment can be the key to unlocking their mystery.

The guidance of a counselor can help you decode, process and heal from emotional triggers.

In addition to providing a comfortable space to heal from past traumas, therapy can help you develop a holistic plan for the future. Through therapy, one can begin to recognize and take control over situations and memories that trigger emotional discomfort.

Chana Pfeifer can help you begin healing from the effects of triggers and emotional stressors. Together, you can develop a robust plan to experience relief and learn strategies to cope with potential emotional triggers.

Chana offers virtual and in-person, socially-distanced counseling services with a therapeutic plan customized to your individual needs. If you are struggling with the effects of emotional triggers, don’t hesitate to contact Chana today to begin your journey of healing.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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