Blog ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

In pre-marital therapy, parenting techniques & roles are discussed openly.

Marriage and parenting can be two of the most rewarding and daunting life events. Some couples may opt for pre-marital therapy, which can allow them to resolve differences and evaluate future plans in a therapeutic environment. Pre-marital counseling can have a multitude of benefits and provide a stable basis for the journey of marriage.

Many topics can be addressed in pre-marital counseling, touching on the key factors that often divide people in a relationship.

Some of these may include finances, conflict resolution techniques, parenting strategies and communication. Even when couples are basking in the joy of a healthy relationship, they can easily forget to clearly define expectations for the relationship and concepts of what the marriage should look like.

Making the transition into being a new parent while balancing the stress of marriage can be difficult. While parenting a child can bring immense joy, it can also be a source of contention in relationships. Differences in parenting styles, financial stress, and unclear parenting roles can all cause excess strain on a marriage. Discussing these potential struggles ahead of time is a proactive way to reduce uncertainty and develop healthy strategies with your spouse.

In counseling, parenting techniques and roles can be discussed openly in a safe, neutral space.

You can work together to cultivate effective communication and compromise on the differences you and your partner may have. With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

Pre-marital therapy offers benefits for every couple, from the strong, healthy relationships, to ones in which you may feel disconnected from your partner. Chana Pfeifer has many years of experience guiding couples and offers pre-marital counseling at a convenient location in West Hempstead, Long Island.

If you and your future spouse are looking to cultivate a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Guided Meditation before Couples Counseling

Guided Meditation before Couples Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY

One thing that I appreciate about you is….
One thing that I appreciate about me is….

Learn breathwork to slow down the mind before therapy.

Get attuned with your awareness of your emotional state.

Awareness and communication are what makes a connected relationship work. If you feel you are having difficulty communicating with your partner, it would be beneficial to have a therapist guide you in the process. Sometimes, couples become so emotionally disconnected and stuck in negative patterns that it is difficult to talk openly and honestly. If this feels like you, then reaching out to a professional social worker could be a great step toward having a connected relationship.

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – counseling for couples and individual adults in a safe, supportive place.

For people who have concerns about their upcoming marriage, or want to increase compatibility with their partner, attending couples counseling with Chana Pfeifer can be a very rewarding experience!

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, NY:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more info. on couples counseling or guided meditation in Long Island, click here.

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Long Island Marriage Counselor Quoted On Gray Divorce

Chana Pfeifer, licensed social worker in Long Island, New York was recently quoted in a Newsday article titled, “Gray Divorce Opened Up A New Life To These Long Islanders”.

Another chance at a life fulfilled…

Times have changed for couples feeling they need to stay married for better or worse after they reach a certain age.

Chana Pfeifer, a psychotherapist specializing in couples and relationship counseling with offices in West Hempstead and Cedarhurst, said the newest reason some in the 50+ age group have decided to split is the pandemic.

“The pandemic made couples of all ages get closer or exacerbated their misery. It has really forced people to examine their relationships and what they value. For someone older who has been married for decades and decades, there may be more baggage like kids, finances, and history that has to be taken in account when deciding to divorce a longtime spouse, but things CAN be worked out.”

Chana says that it’s important to those who get divorced later in life to remain open to the idea that a fulfilling and wonderful life could be ahead.

It can be an incredible beginning of a new chapter. We only have one life and deserve to live it the best we can be.

To see the full article in Newsday:

https://www.newsday.com/lifestyle/retirement/gray-divorce-opened-up-a-new-life-to-these-long-islanders-1.50313442

Conversational Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy

Here is an example of how conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy works. This type of dialogue can be applied to appreciations, like in this video, and also for dealing with disagreements. It can be used for couples and also for any type of relationship.

One thing I appreciate about you as a partner / spouse / significant other:

First, Leora makes an appointment with Igor:

“I’d like to dialogue with you about an appreciation I have for you, is now a good time?”

After Leora finishes her statement, Igor repeats what he hears back to her:

“What I’m hearing you say is _______________________. Did I get that?

Leora then has a chance to say whether or not Igor received her message the right way. She responds with a yes or no.

Igor then asks:

Is there more?”

This gives Leora a chance to elaborate if she feels there’s more to say.

Igor then repeats the new information back to confirm that he heard her message correctly.

That’s about it in regards to the basics of conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This lets the speakers feel heard and the listeners learn how to fully hear what their partner is saying. After the speaker is done, the roles switch and now the listener has a chance to talk.

For more info. on Imago Relationship Therapy near you, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a very powerful (and personal) thing, and can extend into many areas of your life. I encourage you to give self-compassion a try. Life will always be messy in some fashion so give yourself the kindness and support you deserve along the way.

In order to alleviate any type of suffering, you must be compassionate with yourself.

Self-compassion vs. Self-judgment

Do you generally beat yourself up over mistakes or find the lesson and move on? Your adaptability is an important tool to move forward with ease and confidence. Self-compassion helps to reduce distorted perceptions of self-blame, low self-worth and negative self-image.

Make a routine in self care.

This can be defined as going to the gym, taking a walk, getting a massage, doing your nails, practicing a sport, singing, painting – do whatever makes you feel good, with no other reason behind it than just feeling good.

Be mindful of how you speak to yourself.

Your internal dialogue matters. It creates your thoughts, which create feelings, which leads to your behavior. So, if you’re constantly speaking poorly about yourself to yourself, it’s going to be difficult to perform at your best. How would you respond to a friend going through the same situation as you? Do you talk to yourself as kindly as you do to others?

Surround yourself with loving people.

This may be more difficult for some people than others. Whether you have a network of people you can turn to, or you’re in search of a better crowd, know that you always have options and you are never alone.

Get restful sleep.

There are countless cases of people having sleep issues due to the many anxiety-inducing issues going on today. There is not enough attention on the subject and how it relates to mental health. If you are really feeling the blues, try to focus on getting the sleep you need and the rest you deserve. You’ll have a better chance at tackling life with the energy you need and a sound mind.

Just do the best you can, with what you have.

Sometimes, we’re just too hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break from perfectionism. Some days are just going to be worse than others. Be a support system to the most important person in your life… YOU!

If you would like to speak to Chana about therapy, contact her today.

Counseling After a Break Up

Choosing to end a relationship is a decision that can be a source of intense distress. While feeling upset or sad about a break up is a normal part of the grieving process, some cases can lead to chronic sadness, depression, and unhealthy stress-related behaviors. After a break up, it is important to let oneself have time to heal from the loss.

There are numerous reasons why couples may choose to separate, including but not limited to infidelity, arguments, abuse and/or general incompatibility. The decision to move on requires emotional strength and the ability to coordinate the lifestyle changes that may come as a result.

A future that was imagined together may now seem unclear. A number of emotions may be present, including anger, sadness, or a feeling of emptiness.

Following a break up, you might experience a negative internal dialogue that can leave you feeling down and even remorseful. It can be easy to fall into the cycle of rumination, where you constantly think about mistakes you may have made in the relationship. The burden of such constant waves of negativity can make the healing process significantly longer and more difficult.

Managing the emotional ramifications of the break up while handling the adjustment period that follows can be resource-intensive. Depression and stress-related psychological factors can manifest easily during such a time of distress.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by this process, therapy can help you regain your footing, both emotionally and psychologically.

A mindful approach can help foster gratefulness for the good times in the relationship while learning to accept all the new changes that may come as a result of the breakup. While this can take time, counseling after a break up is a key step to recovering and making progress in a healthy way.

Thoughtful planning with a therapist can help you overcome depression, anxiety and other life-disrupting effects following a separation of any kind.

Counseling after a break-up can help you rebuild self-confidence and embrace your individual identity. Through therapy, you can learn to harness your strength and defeat unhealthy defense mechanisms like avoidance or withdrawal.

Processing your thoughts and feelings in a neutral, non-judgemental environment can help with clarity in what seems like a chaotic situation.

Chana Pfeifer offers in-office and virtual counseling appointments to meet your individual needs. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of a breakup, don’t hesitate to reach out and begin a mindful journey of healing.

Contact Chana Today For More Information

The Link between Depression & Insomnia

If you’ve been feeling depressed, there may be many underlying issues as to why that is, as everyone has a unique experience with it. But sometimes, looking at your daily routine and personal habits can shed light onto things you’re doing that may be getting in the way of having a good night’s sleep.

What many don’t realize, is that depression is tightly interwoven with insomnia.

It’s really a vicious cycle: depression can cause insomnia & vice versa.. not sleeping causes depression.

Disrupted sleep and low mood can make you feel as if you’re trapped in a vicious cycle as one problem feeds the other. However, the connection between sleep deprivation and depression also means that understanding the relationship between the two could help you better manage both.

Although scientists are still trying to tease apart all the mechanisms, they’ve discovered that sleep disruption — which affects levels of neurotransmitters and stress hormones, among other things — wreaks havoc in the brain, impairing thinking and emotional regulation. In this way, insomnia may amplify the effects of psychiatric disorders, and vice versa.

health.harvard.edu

Just like food, water & air, restorative sleep is vital for your health.

In terms of your mental health, sleep allows your brain to create new pathways and memories which help you learn, solve problems, pay attention, and make decisions. After a good night’s sleep, you’re more alert, able to think clearly and concentrate, and better control your emotions and behavior.

Sleep is also a necessity for your physical health as it helps your body grow, make repairs, maintain a healthy balance of hormones, and keep your immunity up. In light of this, it’s no surprise that sleep deprivation has been linked to a slew of chronic health issues including high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, diabetes, and obesity.

Sleep & Depression

When someone has depression, their sleep becomes shorter in length, shallower, and less restful overall.

If you or someone you love is having trouble sleeping or struggling with symptoms of depression, you likely already have an understanding of the link between depression & insomnia. It’s no secret that not getting the sleep you need can bring down your mood, zap productivity, and make it difficult to get through the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

It’s common for people living with depression and sleep deprivation to come to associate their bed with negative feelings and thoughts. A poor night’s sleep can feel like a natural extension of a bad day, especially when it’s become a habit.

This is where meeting with a mental health professional may be important.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia can help you reframe these reactions in a more positive light and build your confidence that you can get a good night’s sleep.

Treating insomnia is obviously an important way to help improve psychological health.

For more information on counseling for depression, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.

Divorce Counseling NY

Steer away from a high-conflict divorce. Divorce Counseling NY: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is an Imago Relationship Therapist who assists individuals and couples before, during, and after a divorce.

First & foremost, divorce counselors like Chana Pfeifer help you & your partner decide if you really want or need a divorce.

Sometimes, there are new perspectives that can be achieved after effectively communicating, which can open doors you didn’t even see available.

It’s miraculous how people can change after speaking their truths and being fully heard.

Divorce counseling gives you a safe space to talk and work out what’s really happening between the two of you.

However, in the event that you already know a divorce is necessary – if there’s any abuse for example – a divorce counselor will teach you and your partner how to effectively communicate to figure out the emotional, physical, financial legalities that accompany a divorce.

Whatever the situation, the common denominator is COMMUNICATION & CONSIDERATION.

We must communicate in a healthy way in order to progress in relationships.

Say what you mean.
Mean what you say.
Don’t say it mean.

Divorce Counseling NY: For additional info. on speaking with a counselor, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Adult Children of Narcissist Parents

Counseling for Adult Children of Narcissist Parents with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

You may have recently come to the realization, or are beginning to suspect, that you have a parent that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a severe condition. People with narcissistic personality disorder are emotionally damaged individuals & incapable of empathy.

They have a need to be in control at all times and demand you accept their version of the world. They will act as a dictator to keep control and that depends on you not having any opinions about it to the contrary.

Narcissistic rage is a known characteristic of people with NPD. Gaslighting or shaming are common tools to keep you compliant.

Although they can be keenly aware of another person’s reactions, this doesn’t translate to them actually feeling empathy, but rather using the new information received for further manipulation. Narcissists will often cast themselves as the victim as well. This serves as a passive aggressive way to steer the story back to them while denying your experience. They do not admit having responsibility for anything and any blame is deflected onto something or someone else.

Being the child of narcissist parents have specific challenges while growing up.

A narcissist’s way of overshadowing everything teaches a young child that there is no space for their own feelings. This often leads children to repress, distrust, and devalue themselves.

Narcissist parents cause enough confusion to blur your perception, making it more difficult to come out from under their umbrella of influence. It can be quite traumatizing (well into adulthood) until you can confirm your own reality. It may feel overwhelming when the veil of manipulation by a narcissist starts to lift..

Digesting these new insights is a process & best done with the help of a professional counselor, who can help steer you in the right direction of wellness.

Growing up under the shadow of narcissist parents, you have devised survival behaviors that you deemed necessary as a child. These become ingrained patterns of behavior and continue into your adult life as unconscious beliefs.

These learned habits can attract you to new relationships with similar narcissistic dynamics as your childhood. You may not be overtly aware of it because it just feels ‘natural’. The more conscious you become of the behavior patterns of narcissists, and your reactive survival patterns around them, the more you can direct your life in ways that are most healthy for you.

Healing from a parent with NPD is best when you have help rather than struggling all by yourself.

Trying to gather the confusing pieces and finding your way toward emotional freedom can feel like a daunting task.

You do not have do it alone.

Ironically, when you most could use a hand can be the hardest time to reach out for one. Please make the effort on behalf of yourself. A professional trained specifically in narcissist personality disorder can help guide you with focused strategies to carry on from current and lingering narcissistic abuse.

Having support is paramount. Support with a full understanding of the confusion, sadness or anger that coming out of the shadows of a narcissist can invoke is vital for your success. Help is available. Having a counselor by your side will help you find your strength and arm you with practical tools for you to heal and thrive.

If you feel you’re delving into depression or experiencing rage, together we can address it. Please seek a professional right away if you have feelings of hopelessness.

Professional support provides the clarity necessary to differentiate where your own boundaries lie and how you can maintain them. Reach out today and we will walk together toward the bright and promising life you deserve.

Therapy After Cheating

Finding out that you’re being cheated on in a relationship is devastating. Why do people cheat? Well, there’s as many reasons as there is people, but some of the main reasons usually are:

People go outside of their relationship when they feel rejected / ignored / unappreciated by their partner.

Instead of addressing this issue with their current partner, someone else sparks that old feeling of being desired, and it becomes irresistible. Cheating on a partner can happen when an outside influence ignites lost feelings of being wanted.

Another reason why people cheat is because of unspoken resentment.

When people stop working through conflict in a relationship and they both just stuff their problems down and never speak about or work through them, people act out on each other as a way of expressing their anger. Intimacy becomes diminished and an emotional divide happens.

So, when it comes down to it, cheating on a partner isn’t solely based on sexual needs. It goes far beyond that. It encompasses ego, unmet desires, anger, etc.

Addressing the initial reactions of betrayal with a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience these feelings, it can be healing as well.

In relationships, we like to project and blame our problems on someone/something else because it’s much easier than looking at ourselves.

Once you can recognize your part in a cheating scenario, whether you are the cheater or the person betrayed by cheating, you can learn to see the red flags faster and make better decisions in your relationships. Once you own your part in it, whatever part it is, you can begin to move forward.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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