Healthy couples get help when conflict around in-laws is problematic.

Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW: Conflict Around In-Laws

Are you arguing about your parents or your partner’s parents a lot?

Do you try to talk about it, but end up always arguing instead?

Are there hurt feelings / unsaid things piling up on either side?

If so, you may be caught up in a negative cycle. It may be time to get help for your relationship before the hurts start to pile up. Healthy couples get help when conflict around in-laws becomes problematic.

Regardless of what’s causing the friction, couples report that long-term stress is a consequence of having difficulties with family members. There starts to be a  dread of family gatherings for the distress and exchanges they can invite.

What can you do? Establish boundaries early.

You may need to start out with gentle reminders, as things are unlikely to change overnight.

This can be done compassionately, but firmly. Overall, your approach needs to be strict in consistently enforcing the boundaries you’ve drawn. If the situation allows, be friendly, tactful, straightforward, and respectful. Think of how you’d handle a disagreeable situation with a co-worker.

If, however, your in-laws continue to disrespect your boundaries and wishes, you may need to approach them with a little less tact. Think of a boss putting an employee in his place. No matter what, establish boundaries early.

A lot of couples will not draw their boundaries until they have to. You can avoid a great deal of heartache, disappointment, and distress by letting your limits be known early on.

I would love to help you sort through in-law difficulties in your relationship so you can have harmony within your family.

Let’s see how we can help you resolve these dilemmas and renew the love, trust, connection you long to have.

Contact me for more information on therapy today.

Follow me on Instagram

Premarital Counseling: Relationships with In-Laws

Premarital Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY – Relationships with the Family & In-Laws

Your relationship with your partner’s parents and family may be one of the most significant relationships in your married life.

It is important at the outset of your marriage, and in the first years of your marriage to understand these relationships and what blessings and also difficulties may be ahead for you and your spouse.

Below are a few important relationship aspects to think about before getting married:

1. List a few character traits / attributes about your partner’s parents that you really like. Why do you like these attributes?

2. What kind of involvement do you expect and / or want from your in-laws? Do you like over-involvement (closeness) more than under-involvement (distance) as a general rule (or visa versa)?

3. How do you feel about your spouse’s relationship with his / her parents?

4. What kind of relationship do you think you have with your in-laws? What kind of relationship do you want?

5. Do you look at your in-laws as mostly a help or a hindrance in your upcoming or current marriage?

6. Do your partner’s parents generally respect your boundaries?

These are just a few things to think about before getting married. In premarital counseling, you and your future spouse will go through everything you feel is important so you both feel secure knowing that you are marring the right person.

Dealing with in-laws doesn’t have to be a contentious situation. I can help you learn how to communicate, relate, and remain patient even in the midst of problematic family members.

For more information on premarital counseling, or if you have questions on how to deal with your in-laws, contact me.

Like me on Facebook

In pre-marital therapy, parenting techniques & roles are discussed openly.

Marriage and parenting can be two of the most rewarding and daunting life events. Some couples may opt for pre-marital therapy, which can allow them to resolve differences and evaluate future plans in a therapeutic environment. Pre-marital counseling can have a multitude of benefits and provide a stable basis for the journey of marriage.

Many topics can be addressed in pre-marital counseling, touching on the key factors that often divide people in a relationship.

Some of these may include finances, conflict resolution techniques, parenting strategies and communication. Even when couples are basking in the joy of a healthy relationship, they can easily forget to clearly define expectations for the relationship and concepts of what the marriage should look like.

Making the transition into being a new parent while balancing the stress of marriage can be difficult. While parenting a child can bring immense joy, it can also be a source of contention in relationships. Differences in parenting styles, financial stress, and unclear parenting roles can all cause excess strain on a marriage. Discussing these potential struggles ahead of time is a proactive way to reduce uncertainty and develop healthy strategies with your spouse.

In counseling, parenting techniques and roles can be discussed openly in a safe, neutral space.

You can work together to cultivate effective communication and compromise on the differences you and your partner may have. With the professional guidance of a licensed counselor, couples can develop adaptive strategies to resolve conflicts and address challenges together with confidence.

Pre-marital therapy offers benefits for every couple, from the strong, healthy relationships, to ones in which you may feel disconnected from your partner. Chana Pfeifer has many years of experience guiding couples and offers pre-marital counseling at a convenient location in West Hempstead, Long Island.

If you and your future spouse are looking to cultivate a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

Guided Meditation before Couples Counseling

Guided Meditation before Couples Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY

One thing that I appreciate about you is….
One thing that I appreciate about me is….

Learn breathwork to slow down the mind before therapy.

Get attuned with your awareness of your emotional state.

Awareness and communication are what makes a connected relationship work. If you feel you are having difficulty communicating with your partner, it would be beneficial to have a therapist guide you in the process. Sometimes, couples become so emotionally disconnected and stuck in negative patterns that it is difficult to talk openly and honestly. If this feels like you, then reaching out to a professional social worker could be a great step toward having a connected relationship.

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW – counseling for couples and individual adults in a safe, supportive place.

For people who have concerns about their upcoming marriage, or want to increase compatibility with their partner, attending couples counseling with Chana Pfeifer can be a very rewarding experience!

Offices in both Cedarhurst & West Hempstead, NY:

422 Berrywood Court West Hempstead, NY 11552
222 Rockaway Avenue Building 1 Cedarhurst, NY 11516

For more info. on couples counseling or guided meditation in Long Island, click here.

Like me on Facebook!

Long Island Marriage Counselor Quoted On Gray Divorce

Chana Pfeifer, licensed social worker in Long Island, New York was recently quoted in a Newsday article titled, “Gray Divorce Opened Up A New Life To These Long Islanders”.

Another chance at a life fulfilled…

Times have changed for couples feeling they need to stay married for better or worse after they reach a certain age.

Chana Pfeifer, a psychotherapist specializing in couples and relationship counseling with offices in West Hempstead and Cedarhurst, said the newest reason some in the 50+ age group have decided to split is the pandemic.

“The pandemic made couples of all ages get closer or exacerbated their misery. It has really forced people to examine their relationships and what they value. For someone older who has been married for decades and decades, there may be more baggage like kids, finances, and history that has to be taken in account when deciding to divorce a longtime spouse, but things CAN be worked out.”

Chana says that it’s important to those who get divorced later in life to remain open to the idea that a fulfilling and wonderful life could be ahead.

It can be an incredible beginning of a new chapter. We only have one life and deserve to live it the best we can be.

To see the full article in Newsday:

https://www.newsday.com/lifestyle/retirement/gray-divorce-opened-up-a-new-life-to-these-long-islanders-1.50313442

Conversational Dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy

Here is an example of how conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy works. This type of dialogue can be applied to appreciations, like in this video, and also for dealing with disagreements. It can be used for couples and also for any type of relationship.

One thing I appreciate about you as a partner / spouse / significant other:

First, Leora makes an appointment with Igor:

“I’d like to dialogue with you about an appreciation I have for you, is now a good time?”

After Leora finishes her statement, Igor repeats what he hears back to her:

“What I’m hearing you say is _______________________. Did I get that?

Leora then has a chance to say whether or not Igor received her message the right way. She responds with a yes or no.

Igor then asks:

Is there more?”

This gives Leora a chance to elaborate if she feels there’s more to say.

Igor then repeats the new information back to confirm that he heard her message correctly.

That’s about it in regards to the basics of conversational dialogue in Imago Relationship Therapy.

This lets the speakers feel heard and the listeners learn how to fully hear what their partner is saying. After the speaker is done, the roles switch and now the listener has a chance to talk.

For more info. on Imago Relationship Therapy near you, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is a very powerful (and personal) thing, and can extend into many areas of your life. I encourage you to give self-compassion a try. Life will always be messy in some fashion so give yourself the kindness and support you deserve along the way.

In order to alleviate any type of suffering, you must be compassionate with yourself.

Self-compassion vs. Self-judgment

Do you generally beat yourself up over mistakes or find the lesson and move on? Your adaptability is an important tool to move forward with ease and confidence. Self-compassion helps to reduce distorted perceptions of self-blame, low self-worth and negative self-image.

Make a routine in self care.

This can be defined as going to the gym, taking a walk, getting a massage, doing your nails, practicing a sport, singing, painting – do whatever makes you feel good, with no other reason behind it than just feeling good.

Be mindful of how you speak to yourself.

Your internal dialogue matters. It creates your thoughts, which create feelings, which leads to your behavior. So, if you’re constantly speaking poorly about yourself to yourself, it’s going to be difficult to perform at your best. How would you respond to a friend going through the same situation as you? Do you talk to yourself as kindly as you do to others?

Surround yourself with loving people.

This may be more difficult for some people than others. Whether you have a network of people you can turn to, or you’re in search of a better crowd, know that you always have options and you are never alone.

Get restful sleep.

There are countless cases of people having sleep issues due to the many anxiety-inducing issues going on today. There is not enough attention on the subject and how it relates to mental health. If you are really feeling the blues, try to focus on getting the sleep you need and the rest you deserve. You’ll have a better chance at tackling life with the energy you need and a sound mind.

Just do the best you can, with what you have.

Sometimes, we’re just too hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break from perfectionism. Some days are just going to be worse than others. Be a support system to the most important person in your life… YOU!

If you would like to speak to Chana about therapy, contact her today.

Counseling After a Break Up

Choosing to end a relationship is a decision that can be a source of intense distress. While feeling upset or sad about a break up is a normal part of the grieving process, some cases can lead to chronic sadness, depression, and unhealthy stress-related behaviors. After a break up, it is important to let oneself have time to heal from the loss.

There are numerous reasons why couples may choose to separate, including but not limited to infidelity, arguments, abuse and/or general incompatibility. The decision to move on requires emotional strength and the ability to coordinate the lifestyle changes that may come as a result.

A future that was imagined together may now seem unclear. A number of emotions may be present, including anger, sadness, or a feeling of emptiness.

Following a break up, you might experience a negative internal dialogue that can leave you feeling down and even remorseful. It can be easy to fall into the cycle of rumination, where you constantly think about mistakes you may have made in the relationship. The burden of such constant waves of negativity can make the healing process significantly longer and more difficult.

Managing the emotional ramifications of the break up while handling the adjustment period that follows can be resource-intensive. Depression and stress-related psychological factors can manifest easily during such a time of distress.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by this process, therapy can help you regain your footing, both emotionally and psychologically.

A mindful approach can help foster gratefulness for the good times in the relationship while learning to accept all the new changes that may come as a result of the breakup. While this can take time, counseling after a break up is a key step to recovering and making progress in a healthy way.

Thoughtful planning with a therapist can help you overcome depression, anxiety and other life-disrupting effects following a separation of any kind.

Counseling after a break-up can help you rebuild self-confidence and embrace your individual identity. Through therapy, you can learn to harness your strength and defeat unhealthy defense mechanisms like avoidance or withdrawal.

Processing your thoughts and feelings in a neutral, non-judgemental environment can help with clarity in what seems like a chaotic situation.

Chana Pfeifer offers in-office and virtual counseling appointments to meet your individual needs. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of a breakup, don’t hesitate to reach out and begin a mindful journey of healing.

Contact Chana Today For More Information

The Link between Depression & Insomnia

If you’ve been feeling depressed, there may be many underlying issues as to why that is, as everyone has a unique experience with it. But sometimes, looking at your daily routine and personal habits can shed light onto things you’re doing that may be getting in the way of having a good night’s sleep.

What many don’t realize, is that depression is tightly interwoven with insomnia.

It’s really a vicious cycle: depression can cause insomnia & vice versa.. not sleeping causes depression.

Disrupted sleep and low mood can make you feel as if you’re trapped in a vicious cycle as one problem feeds the other. However, the connection between sleep deprivation and depression also means that understanding the relationship between the two could help you better manage both.

Although scientists are still trying to tease apart all the mechanisms, they’ve discovered that sleep disruption — which affects levels of neurotransmitters and stress hormones, among other things — wreaks havoc in the brain, impairing thinking and emotional regulation. In this way, insomnia may amplify the effects of psychiatric disorders, and vice versa.

health.harvard.edu 

Just like food, water & air, restorative sleep is vital for your health.

In terms of your mental health, sleep allows your brain to create new pathways and memories which help you learn, solve problems, pay attention, and make decisions. After a good night’s sleep, you’re more alert, able to think clearly and concentrate, and better control your emotions and behavior.

Sleep is also a necessity for your physical health as it helps your body grow, make repairs, maintain a healthy balance of hormones, and keep your immunity up. In light of this, it’s no surprise that sleep deprivation has been linked to a slew of chronic health issues including high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, kidney disease, diabetes, and obesity.

Sleep & Depression

depression counselingWhen someone has depression, their sleep becomes shorter in length, shallower, and less restful overall.

If you or someone you love is having trouble sleeping or struggling with symptoms of depression, you likely already have an understanding of the link between depression & insomnia. It’s no secret that not getting the sleep you need can bring down your mood, zap productivity, and make it difficult to get through the day.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

It’s common for people living with depression and sleep deprivation to come to associate their bed with negative feelings and thoughts. A poor night’s sleep can feel like a natural extension of a bad day, especially when it’s become a habit.

This is where meeting with a mental health professional may be important.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia can help you reframe these reactions in a more positive light and build your confidence that you can get a good night’s sleep.

Treating insomnia is obviously an important way to help improve psychological health.

For more information on counseling for depression, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW.