Blog ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

Individual Counseling for Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, also referred to as social phobia, is one of the most considerable mental health problems in the world.

A person who suffers from this disorder harbors a fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people. It is this usually irrational belief, which then leads to feelings of depression, humiliation, and inferiority.

Recent surveys done in the United States show that it is the third largest mental health problem affecting their citizens, after alcoholism and depression, proving how common this affliction is.

There are two broad categories of social anxiety. In the specific social anxiety category, patients usually fear to speak in front of groups of people or avoid very particular kinds of social situations. The second type is generalized social anxiety, in which people are generally uncomfortable and anxious in all social situations. However, no matter what form of social anxiety is in question; millions of people worldwide suffer from it.

COMMON SYMPTOMS OF SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety is a disorder that encompasses both psychological and physiological symptoms. Patients suffering from this condition experience extreme anxiety and discomfort in certain situations, for example when they are being introduced to new people, when they are put in the center of attention or when they know they have to talk to a group of people. While most people may experience some level of nervousness in the scenarios as mentioned above, people suffering from social anxiety go through such a high level of panic and distress that at times they cannot face the situation at all and this discomfort manifests it in physical symptoms as well.

These physical symptoms include the patient’s heartbeat becoming very fast, excessive blushing, and the twitching of muscles in the face and neck area. What needs to be understood is that patients of social anxiety realize that their fears are irrational, but are unable to make them go away. This condition is severe and needs to be treated with the help of a qualified therapist so that the patient can live their life easier by dealing with their fear of social situations.

HOW CAN SOCIAL ANXIETY BE TREATED?

A piece of good news – when it comes to social anxiety, the condition can be overcome with proper professional help and perseverance. Chana Pfeifer is an exceptionally well-qualified therapist based in Long Island who can help you with any issues you are facing and provide one-on-one therapy sessions for social anxiety.

The most common treatment used to deal with social anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a comprehensive therapy which firstly identifies the triggers of the disorder, the negative thoughts associated with the trigger, and how these thoughts can be treated.

The human brain is a very complex and intricate organ that is capable of learning and adapting to change at any time – only a push in the right direction is needed. A qualified therapist can use CBT and other techniques to help you develop strategies that you can use when you are in a distressing social situation.

COUNSELING FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY TAKES COMMITMENT

As is the case with therapy for almost all mental issues, it will take some time for you to see results. At times, therapy can seem difficult as you have to talk about complicated feelings and face your fears, but perseverance and consistently attending your therapy sessions is very important if you are serious about dealing with your social anxiety. You also need to practice all the strategies that your therapist develops with you so that you are so well trained in applying those strategies in real life situations, so that they become second nature.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

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Marriage Counseling

If you are facing problems in your marriage and are not sure how to solve them, marriage counseling is for you.

Marriage counseling is a very special type of therapy. Its aim is to help couples communicate in a better manner so that they can work around their differences, heal, and argue with each other in a healthier way when faced with challenges in the future.

If you are searching for an expert marriage counselor in the Long Island area, contact Chana Pfeifer.

No marriage is perfect, and it is natural that when two people with different ideas, habits, and values try and live together, there will be some conflicts naturally. Having such conflicts does not mean that your relationship is a failure, or that you and your partner will continuously be fighting.

However, at times, these conflicts may grow to become bigger issues, and if left untreated, they can severely impact your relationship.

Stress and tension in a marriage can also lead to problems at work, mutual friendships, and other familial relationships, which can lead to serious psychological issues such as depression. Therefore, if you think that your marriage is facing issues you are unable to resolve, there is no harm in seeking the help of a marriage counselor so that the situation does not become more complicated.

Marriage counseling is not only for couples who are having disagreements, conflicts or issues with their marriage, but it can also be sought by those who are simply looking to strengthen their bond with their partner. If you want to understand your partner better, marriage counseling can provide the perfect setting for you to do so. A counselor can help moderate your discussions and keep you focused on the topics you want to discuss.

You can also benefit from this therapy if you are a premarital couple, as it can help you resolve issues before you commit. It makes the path to marriage easier.

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

In marriage counseling, the therapist will try to teach you and your spouse certain crucial communication skills. Most domestic problems are the result of not being able to communicate your point of view to your partner effectively, but therapy can help resolve that as you are given the opportunity to speak your mind freely.

The therapist will then help you look at both the negative and positive aspects of your relationship, so that you can focus on the good and work on strategies to deal with the bad.

You will also learn new communication skills that will teach you how to talk to your partner without offending him/her, and will be given opportunities to discuss your differences in a controlled manner.

The counselor will train you to solve problems together so that whenever you face any hurdles in your marriage, you have some experience in how to solve them.

Chana Pfeifer is an expert marriage counselor who can help you learn these strategies and assist you in solving domestic disputes.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Affair Counseling Long Island

No one thinks it would happen to them, but after an affair is discovered, many people find it difficult to understand why the betrayal happened…

Regardless of how you define infidelity, it comes down to one thing: betrayal.

It can severely strain a relationship and the people involved.

Perhaps you are struggling with the common emotions of anger and shock, or dealing with confusion and guilt.

Healing Broken Trust

When a couple experiences any level of betrayal it is common to ask:

How can I ever trust again?
Is this even fixable?

Trust needs to be repaired if a couple decides to stay together after an affair. This can take time and delicate attention.

Begin the conversation that will ideally bring you to a place where you can begin working on the relationship together.

Have You Been Unfaithful? Do you struggle with:

Feeling like it’s impossible to heal?
Do you wonder if you could ever make them happy again?
Feeling like you’re never good enough?
Do you wonder if you should try to heal the relationship?
Do you wonder if you should just quit trying?
Are you afraid that if you work on the relationship it won’t get better?

Has Your Partner Been Unfaithful? Do you struggle with:

Feeling like you’ll never get over the betrayal?
Do you wonder if the pain will ever go away?
Wondering if you’ll ever satisfy their needs?
With feelings of not being good enough?
Do you wonder if your life could ever get back together?
Do you wonder if you should stay or leave?

Affair Counseling Long Island, NY

Private counseling by an experienced infidelity specialist can be extremely helpful. Chana Pfeifer does not pass judgment and your time is completely confidential. Confiding in an expert can give you the support that you need and the precise guidance that you are seeking.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Marriage Counseling Benefits

Does your mind crawl back to the day when you said “yes” to your spouse?

The words “I do” are stuck in your head like a song on repeat.. You think about all you have come across, all that you left for your partner, and all that you have accomplished together. You never would have thought about marriage counseling benefits when things were going so well.

Marriage was never meant to be a piece of cake. The day you tied the knot with your spouse wasn’t just a beginning of a fairy tale. It wasn’t just romance and honeymoon trips. Your marriage day was beyond all of this – it was the day where you were supposed to share everything in your life – from a bed, to financials, and above all, share what’s inside your hearts.

Your heart may change or disagree with something, but it wasn’t supposed to lose hope or feelings towards your partner. However, sometimes life does take U-turns and go crazy because of bumps that come along or milestones that crush you down, and it’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore about him/her. The first step to overcome this hard ride is to accept the reality of your heart and mind.

Are marriage counseling services really worth it?

Next, you have to buckle up and get ready to talk. But consulting with a friend or family member isn’t the right place. Marriage counselors do have a major role in making life easier with marriage conflicts and perhaps one last try wouldn’t hurt.

Marriage Counseling Benefits: with therapy, you can start:

● Resolving conflicts from a neutral perspective.

● Analyzing the reasons that made you and your spouse disconnect.

● Processing the emotions and ill feelings that led to consequences.

● Receiving guidance to divert away from the turmoil.

● Creating a sense of clarity with what your mind & heart want.

The entire process of realization and building communication must be addressed professionally.

When a couple is stressed, a lot of negativity takes control and makes getting back together the last resort. It makes it blurry for both individuals to understand and think for a second. Due to back-to-back fights and arguments, ill feelings towards each other mess up the foundation of what could be a great relationship.

By talking about your feelings and problems in a guided manner, a counselor tends to draw parallels between both people and address conflicts accordingly. It helps both reconcile and value the power of love and relationship.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Make time for a date night.

It is all too easy to become complacent in a relationship and fall into a routine where you neglect to make the relationship exciting.

Keep The Spark Alive:

No matter how busy your schedules are, it’s important to always make room for a date night.

Dating should be a part of every relationship no matter how long you’ve been together.

Try setting aside at least one day a week where you rediscover the fun of dating your partner.

A date night is an opportunity to communicate, and this communication may help couples deepen their understanding of one another and the relationship. Communication is important because individuals continue to change and over time, as they and their relationship develop, they experience new challenges and problems.

Most importantly, never forget to have fun with each other. Goof around, playfully tease one another, go out with your friends, and just enjoy each other’s company. In a solid relationship, your partner will always be your best friend, so it’s important not to neglect that.

Date nights are a way to relieve stress. They allow a couple to enjoy time with one another apart from the pressing concerns of their ordinary life. Date nights also may serve couples as an opportunity to extend emotional support to one another in times of trial.

It doesn’t have to be glamorous or expensive, but it should actually be enhancing and enriching to your relationship.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Couples Coping with Infidelity

Given the emotional toll infidelity takes, can anyone truly get past an affair?

Can trust ever be restored? Should it be?

Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can hit you like a ton of bricks. Your marriage may be thrown into a state of crisis that may destroy it.

It’s not just the pain of any specific sexual betrayal that you must try to process and eventually overcome, it’s the loss of trust in your spouse and your relationship.

If you have recently learned about infidelity in your relationship and are experiencing any degree of the pain and uncertainty described above, the following tips below may be helpful.

Accept Your Feelings

Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal. You will likely feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster for a while. It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don’t expect the mixture of feelings and the mistrust to go away even if you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage. Your marriage has changed and it is natural to grieve the relationship you once had.

Don’t Seek Revenge

Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage. In your furious state, your first instinct may be to punish your mate by trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media), or think about having an affair yourself to get even. You may get a temporary sense of satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together.

Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay. But nobody else really understands what goes on in another person’s marriage. While you are pondering how you’re going to proceed, it’s best to keep the details private.

Take Care of Yourself

You may have some physical reactions due to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems, shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat or overeating. Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some fun.

Avoid the Blame Game

Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won’t change anything and it’s just wasted energy. Try not to play the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity. It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself.

Keep Your Kids Out of It

This situation is between you and your partner and should not involve your children at all. Unless you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an affair will only cause them anxiety, make them feel stuck in the middle, and forced to take sides.

Seek Counseling

Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it’s wise to talk to a couples’ counselor, who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened. You can ask your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool.

An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling. If you decide to end the marriage, you ‘ll know that you tried your best to make it work.

Get Practical

If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to the end of your marriage, give some thought to practical matters, such as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you want. You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for STDs, and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair.

Take it One Day at a Time

Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn’t always mean it’s the end. As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart, can begin.

For more info. about infidelity counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

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Workplace Anxiety

Many people experience anxiety associated with their jobs or careers.

Job instability, office politics, deadlines, career advancement, and many other factors can cause workplace anxiety, and this can spill over into our interpersonal relationships, especially within the family unit. This can cause family strife, as the working individual injects or transfers the anxiety from their job into their family relationships.

There’s tactics you can use to mitigate & manage workplace anxiety.

Organization, good time management, and taking the time for self-care are all important tools for mitigating workplace anxiety.

It is also important to be realistic about your abilities and avoid overextending yourself. To the extent possible, avoid toxic co-workers and office gossip. It can also be useful to get a head start on projects whenever possible, and ask for help when necessary.

Most importantly for your personal relationships, you need to set boundaries. To the extent that your job permits, keep your work in the office and avoid taking work calls and emails from home.

Take advantage of your vacation time: try to use it to go somewhere that allows you to diminish your level of stress and return to work refreshed and rejuvenated.

Talking about your feelings, whether with a co-worker, family member, or therapist, can help you to understand and manage your anxiety.

Even the act of sharing your feelings can be cathartic and help to diminish your levels of stress.

Sharing your feelings with family members can also be important, as this allows them to understand the pressures you are under and may even help them overlook some venting behaviors.

One of the most important things is not to let workplace anxiety affect your personal and family relationships.

This requires a certain level of self-management. If you have a long commute, spending the time it takes to get home to cool off before interacting with your family members can be a useful tool. Calling a friend or other confidante to discuss your work situation before interacting with your family can also help you arrive home in a less agitated state. You can even discuss with family members that you need a certain, reasonable cooling off period after arriving home before being asked to address family and relationship issues.

All these tactics can help prevent workplace anxiety from harming your personal relationships.

If you find that workplace anxiety is persistent, irrational, or consistently overwhelming, you may suffer from an anxiety disorder. Speaking to a therapist can help you to diagnose such an issue and develop tools to manage your condition.

Even if your workplace anxiety does not rise to the level of a disorder, speaking with a therapist can help you to understand the sources of your anxiety and learn how to effectively manage it.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Jealousy: Smothered by Love

First, a quick note – Jealousy and envy are different concepts, despite the terms often being used interchangeably in daily speech.

Envy is the state of desiring something that another has. Jealousy is desiring to keep something or someone all to yourself, and involves a third party.

For example, if you wish you could sleep 16 hours a day and sit in the window, you are envious of your cat. However, if you don’t want other people to pet your cat because you feel he belongs to you or it will undermine your bond with your cat, you are jealous of your cat. The following piece deals with the role of jealousy in relationships.

A certain level of jealousy can be normal in a relationship, especially for individuals who have had issues with past partners failing to be faithful. Indeed, many people believe that it is a sign of love, and evolutionary psychologists consider it to be a valuable emotion that can signal danger to an important relationship.

However, jealousy can undermine a trusting relationship and leave your partner feeling overwhelmed and trapped, limiting your ability to have a healthy relationship.

Many relationship therapists report that romantic jealousy is a leading cause of their clients’ relationship problems.

Studies have shown that feelings of being jealous can be linked to low self-esteem, dependence on one’s partner, feelings of inadequacy, an anxious attachment style, or even neuroticism.

Absent a history of behaviors that warrant a partner’s jealousy, you should know that a partner’s jealousy reflects their insecurities, not any adequacy of yours. When confronted with unwarranted jealousy, a healthy, relationship-building strategy is to assure your partner that you remain interested in and attracted to them.

If you find yourself feeling jealousy toward your partner, stop and re-evaluate your behaviors. Work on building your self-confidence in order to feel more secure in your relationship. Avoid going through your partner’s social media or electronic devices—your mind can begin to draw patterns and extrapolate details creating things to be jealous of that aren’t really there.

Communicating calmly with your partner, in a manner directed at developing a solution to your jealousy, can also be an effective strategy.

The great irony of unwarranted jealousy is that it can drive an otherwise-satisfied partner away. Jealous behaviors, left unchecked, can undermine the trust in a relationship and hinder the ability to express love. Taken to extremes, it can lead to angry, even violent outbursts.

Jealousy is not limited to romantic relationships. It can also arise between friends or siblings, and can endanger harmony within the family unit.

If you believe that jealousy—whether yours, your partner’s, or otherwise—is negatively affecting your relationship, professional therapy can help guide a productive conversation to address these potentially problematic feelings within your relationship.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

Why Surrendering To Love Makes Relationships Work

Maya Kollman – Surrendering to Love

Is the answer to a successful relationship found in your ability to surrender to love? If it is, wow, that requires a lot of trust. Obviously we’re willing to try because we are driven to couple up, yet connecting is extremely difficult.

According to relationship guru Maya Kollman, “loving somebody, really loving somebody and surrendering to love forces us to face our deepest fears which are ‘they’ll leave me or they’ll die.’”

Kollman says that love – that connection – is the key to our very survival as individuals.

She says we are really good at finding “the” partner who can fulfill us and help us actualize who we are.

Living with those same people, however, isn’t easy.

Kollman points out, “This is where a respectful and appropriate communication strategy is required” – a strategy she insists exists.

Surrendering to love is faith that the power of love can accomplish anything – even when you cannot foresee the outcome.

Instead of running from fear, instead of pushing it away or shoving it down, embrace it, and become intimate with it. Know it inside and outside.

Contact Chana Pfeifer LCSW

Counseling for Conscious Couples
Chana Pfeifer, LCSW
(516) 592-1107
TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

3 Steps To Save Your Relationship When You’ve Drifted Too Far Apart

Don’t give up yet!

Most of us entered marriage with some sort of picture in our minds of how married life would be. For some individuals, the picture is very clear and easy to describe. For others, their ideal image of marriage won’t become clear until they begin to think about things that aren’t happening.

Things can slowly deteriorate, and learning how to save your marriage seems impossible. That’s when they realize they really did have expectations for what married life would be like.

Life happens! Within a few short years of getting married (and the time seems to pass very rapidly), our time and energy are taken up by many things.

Once children are born, they have many needs; and as they develop, they get involved in lots of activities that take up parental time — shopping for them, helping with homework, arranging doctor appointments, attending concerts, school events, recitals, and so on. Even with the best intentions and with determined intentionality, it can still be difficult for couples to maintain closeness, intimacy and enough time together to grow the relationship.

If this is descriptive of your life, you may find yourself wondering if this will ever change, and if your marriage has a chance to make it long-term.

The answer is, “yes, your marriage can last!” if you take some of the following steps:

1. Take time to think.

Take some time with the following questions, and write down your main conclusions so they are not forgotten and evaluate your relationship.

Depending on your personality and thought patterns, you may be able to do this while driving or involved in an activity, or you may need to have time alone with no distractions. You know what works best for you.

Ask yourself this: Just how bad does it feel to be in your relationship right now Does it feel simply like you are drifting apart, but it could easily be fixed? Does it seem like you are living as roommates? Do you find that you are arguing way more than ever before? Do you or does your spouse seem to have tons of anger and resentment which make it difficult to ever engage in meaningful conversation?

Come up with a number on a 1-5 scale regarding your relationship. You are a 1 if it feels like it could easily be fixed, and you are a 5 if there is a ton of resentment and someone has dropped the “D” bomb (divorce).

Think about the approachability of your spouse. As stated earlier, “Life happens!” Think about what is happening in life right now. If either one of you is under undue stress or facing gargantuan deadlines, it may be better to postpone an intervention or to carefully plan it out. However, don’t put it off for long, or it may never get done until it is too late.

2. Take time to plan.

Based on your evaluation of things, it is now time to plan your next steps. This step may take some time, depending on how damaged you feel, and how damaged you believe your marriage is at this point. If you are a 4 or 5 on the relationship scale, you may have difficulty believing that things can be any different than the current status.

Here are some things to think through and jot down:

What do I want? You don’t like things the way they are, so what DO you want? Even if it does not seem possible, at least think through and answer this question: “What do I want in our marriage?”
What do I need? This could be another version of the previous question, or it could have a different answer. However, think it through and write it down. What does my spouse want? You have been married for a while, so put on your thinking cap. Write out what you believe your spouse wants in your marriage that is not there right now. The answer to this one may be as simple as making a list of the common complaints you hear from your spouse.
What does my spouse need? This can be a very different answer from what they want. You know this person; you know their life, their personality and the way they approach life and the stresses of life.

What are the top 2 or 3 things that you KNOW would be helpful to your spouse RIGHT NOW with the things being faced in life?

Strategize how to discuss these things with your spouse. If things are going to change either way, for the better or for worse, someone needs to try to get things out on the table where they can be discussed. If the two of you have not had much success in attempting discussions of this type, then you need to do it in a different way than you have in the past.

You could discuss this with a friend to get some input, but be careful in doing this. Your spouse may not like the fact that someone else knows the struggles you are facing, and you don’t want to discuss it with a person who has trouble keeping confidences.

If you are involved in a religious community, try turning to someone who has been a mentor or adviser in the past. The goal is to come up with a way of entering into a discussion regarding your evaluation of the relationship and determine how to change it for the better.

3. Take time to act.

At some point in time you will need to suck in some air, say a prayer, and initiate the discussion. When you do this, do not be surprised if things take off in directions that you never expected. In fact, you should be prepared for this and fight the tendency to defend yourself.

If you want to understand how to save your relationship, you have to take time to think this through. Your preparation should mean that the emotional edge has been taken off of your presentation, and it is now a little more factual than it was at first. Your spouse has not had the time to do that, so strap yourself in and hang on and allow for some emotion to be blown off at first.

Let your spouse know you have been thinking about things they may want in the relationship. When you give them the list of things you thought would be important to them, ask what you missed and allow time for the discussion.

Tell your spouse that in addition to wants they may have, you believe there are also things they need. Make it clear how you will be able to help with those needs.

These are some initial steps in addressing a relationship that is drifting apart. Don’t expect to solve everything in one discussion, and don’t be too hurt or let down if there is little to no change in your first attempt at this.

Both of you are caught up in life as it has been for a while. You both have patterns to your day, week and month. Even if you both want to make small or even major changes, it may not be possible for a period of time. Appointments, meetings and activities tend to get scheduled far ahead, so try to bear in mind that it can take weeks and even months to free up time and energy to do something as important as investing in each other again.

Save Your Relationship

Don’t give up. If you’d like more info. on couples or individual counseling, contact me today.

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