therapist Long Island Archives ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

What is Cognitive Dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when an individual holds two or more conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This inconsistency between what a person thinks and how they behave can cause discomfort, tension, or anxiety.

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person feels when their behavior does not align with their values or beliefs.

The concept of cognitive dissonance was first introduced by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957. Festinger proposed that people strive for internal consistency and that when they encounter conflicting information, they experience dissonance.

Types of Cognitive Dissonance

Pre-decision dissonance: occurs before making a decision, when an individual is torn between conflicting options.
Post-decision dissonance: occurs after making a decision, when an individual may question their choice.
Belief dissonance: occurs when an individual’s beliefs are challenged or contradicted.

Consequences of Cognitive Dissonance

Dissonance reduction: individuals may change their attitudes, beliefs, or behaviors to reduce the discomfort caused by dissonance.
Rationalization: individuals may create justifications or excuses to alleviate the discomfort caused by dissonance.
Denial: individuals may refuse to acknowledge or accept the conflicting information.

Here are some examples of cognitive dissonance in relationships:

Romantic Relationships:

Staying in an abusive relationship: A person knows that their partner is abusive, but they stay in the relationship because they believe they love their partner or don’t want to be alone.
Ignoring infidelity: A person knows that their partner is cheating on them, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or lose the relationship.
Downplaying partner’s flaws: A person knows that their partner has significant flaws, but they downplay or justify them because they want to believe that their partner is perfect.

Friendships:

Ignoring a friend’s toxic behavior: A person knows that their friend is toxic or manipulative, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront their friend or lose the friendship.
Justifying a friend’s bad decisions: A person knows that their friend is making bad decisions, but they justify or enable them because they don’t want to be seen as judgmental.
Staying in a one-sided friendship: A person knows that their friendship is one-sided, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be alone or lose the friendship.

Family Relationships:

Ignoring a family member’s addiction: A person knows that a family member is struggling with addiction, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
Justifying a family member’s abusive behavior: A person knows that a family member is abusive, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
Staying in a toxic family dynamic: A person knows that their family dynamic is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to be ostracized or lose their family.

Workplace Relationships:

Ignoring a coworker’s bullying behavior: A person knows that a coworker is bullying others, but they ignore it because they don’t want to confront the reality or cause conflict.
Justifying a manager’s unfair treatment: A person knows that their manager is treating them unfairly, but they justify or downplay it because they don’t want to rock the boat or lose their job.
Staying in a toxic work environment: A person knows that their work environment is toxic, but they stay in it because they don’t want to lose their job or benefits.

By understanding cognitive dissonance, individuals can become more aware of their own thought processes and take steps to reduce discomfort and promote internal consistency.

For more information on counseling, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island, NY.

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Counseling for Grief – Benefits of Therapy for Dealing With Grief

Counseling for grief can be very beneficial in dealing with sad emotions.

It is natural to experience grief when a loved one passes away.

It can be especially hard for people who had a difficult relationship with the person who passed away, or if they did not have time to say goodbye before their loved one died.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
– Dr. Seuss (1904-1991)

Grief is a difficult emotion to deal with, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

Counseling can help you to process your emotions, work through your grief, and develop healthy coping mechanisms. It gives you the opportunity to talk about your loved one, share memories, and express your feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

Grief counseling can help people cope with their loss in a healthy way.

Prevent complicated grief, which is when someone experiences intense grief that lasts for a long time and interferes with their ability to live a normal life. Complicated grief can lead to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even suicide. Counseling can help you to avoid these negative outcomes and to find a way to cope with your loss in a healthy way.

Counseling uses natural, evidence-based methods to help people with complicated grief. You’ll learn new skills and techniques to help you cope with your grief that are based on proven research.

Therapy can help people to learn how to live their lives without their loved one.

Grief counseling can help you to learn how to live your life without your loved one. This can be a difficult task. Therapy stops the cycle of grief so that you can start to heal. You’ll learn how to deal with your emotions, how to cope with triggers, and how to develop a new support system. You’ll also learn how to create a new life for yourself without your loved one.

Therapy can help people find meaning in their loss.

Grief counseling can make a world of difference to heal your wounds, remember the good / bad times, and find a way to move forward in your life. You don’t have to go through this alone. Counseling can help you to find meaning in your loss and to develop a new life without your loved one.

Counseling can help you develop a new sense of self.

As you become more comfortable with your new life without your loved one, you’ll develop a new sense of who you are. Counseling can help you by providing support, guidance, and skills to help you cope with your loss.

Other than counseling it can also be helpful to talk to friends and family members who are supportive and understanding. Sometimes, it can be helpful to read books or articles about grief or to join a support group for people who are grieving. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you will eventually find your own way to cope with your loss.

To sum it all up, grief counseling can help you starting from today. It will change the way you look at death, your relationship with the deceased, and how you live your life from here on out.

Contact me to set up an appointment.

Self Care for Mental Health

Self care is REALLY hard during these times, and finding safe ways to take care of ourselves is essential.

Taking care of your mental health, just like your physical health, is a necessity.

Self care relies on increased self awareness.

Practicing self awareness can help you recognize patterns in your behavior or emotions, including events or situations that can trigger symptoms of depression, anxiety, sadness, etc.

Putting “me time” on the back burner is a big part of why we can all feel run-down, frenzied, and overwhelmed.

For additional info. on counseling, call me (516) 592-1107 or email me here.

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Looking for ways to practice caring for yourself more?

Below are just a few examples of ways to practice self care. Take time to experiment. See what really works for you.

Sleep More

Gut Health

Exercise Often

Go Outside

Clean & Reorder

Avoid Triggers

Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself.

It’s not selfish to make your health a priority. You will be better able to help others when you are your healthiest.

Short Meditation For People With Busy Minds with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW

Mental Health During Coronavirus - Just listen & pray, that's all we can do.

How to deal with stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other emotions of divorce.

Emotions of Divorce: Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is giving us a lot of insight into the human condition during divorce & during the experiences of the aftermath of divorce on the Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show.

A question that I often get is:

How people can best deal with the stigma, shame, insecurities, doubts & fears of feeling like a failure & other related emotions of being divorced.

What can you tell us about that?

So unfortunately, feeling like a failure and shame, they’re real…

It’s a public kind of demonstration where there’s a box that you have to check when you fill out basic applications. So really being aware of our feelings around that and our role in our marriage not working out. Rather than pretending that those feelings aren’t there, to deal with them and what were you responsible for in our relationship and how do we be proactive to manage those feelings differently.

Also really choosing to almost have like an invisible armor that if people give you a look, or certain judgments, be aware of that relationship space and that feeling of being judged and do we take that on or do we not?

We can consciously again be aware of our reactivity of us feeling like a failure, of us taking on the body language or choosing not to and saying, you know what, it didn’t work out and this is a new chapter and this is what I’m grateful for.

Or not having to give an explanation but really choosing do I participate in that energy or am I really comfortable with where am and it’s wasn’t what I wanted to happen, but at the same time, you know what? Here I am and I’m going to try to choose to move forward rather than getting stuck in that negativity, which doesn’t really serve us but it is there and pretending that it’s not, it’s hard.

I think in addition, we should be monitoring what we’re telling ourself because a lot of what’s behind those feelings of shame and blame and stigma or telling ourselves that we’re different, we don’t belong. We were a failure in our marriage or whatever that labeling is and that we can be very abusive to ourselves. Can we not?

Oh my gosh, we are our worst critics. Again, rather than pretending that those messages don’t go through our head, being aware, oh, there they are, and how am I choosing to show up differently? What are the positive messages that I want to give myself instead? I am lovable, I am successful, I am making healthy choices. We choose to be our own worst critic & maybe we want to show up differently.

Can I add another statement that something to the effect of, I’m still a good mother or father. Despite the divorce, I continue to be a valuable positive parent despite the divorce and reminding ourselves that the divorce does not judge my capability of parenting the children that I love.

Yes, 100%. When they quote the statistics about children of divorced parents, again that may be accurate to a certain extent, but they are individuals in this and how do we choose to show up given the knowledge that it is harder to parent when you have two separate households and what can we do differently rather than, well why bother because we’re divorced and I ruined everything.

Really thinking about how can we help show up as parents given that we do have two separate households and looking at the success cases. What are the success cases? Who does it well, I mean I had a friend who when it was not invoked, really demonstrated co-parenting beautifully that their divorce was not about, you know, I hate you, etc. It was really like, we are not good for each other, the energy is toxic and let’s parent our child the best that we can without fighting as much as possible. But let’s try to be on the same page. That’s really what’s best for the kids. So and it’s best for us too.

For additional info. on therapy, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Ways to Cope with Anxiety

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW & Anxiety Therapist in Long Island, New York.

Everyone experiences anxiety at some point. It’s quite normal to feel anxious, as stress is a common part of it and life. We generally call that worrying. But worrying becomes a disorder when it gets excessive or irrational. In other words, when it persists for a consistent period of time and interferes with your daily lifestyle and activities.

For instance, you fail to function normally due to lack of concentration, unwanted thoughts that you’re unable to control, and detachment from the present reality. So you end up not getting your chores done, procrastinating, or being disorganized from constantly focusing on things going on in your head.

If you think these points resonate with you then you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. But don’t worry, there are a couple of ways to help you out of it.

Identifying Your Problem

The first step as a solution to any problem is always identifying it. If you have identified your problem as suffering from anxiety, congratulations on getting this far. Many people go most (sometimes, all) of their lives not dealing with or recognizing their issues.

It is fairly common for mental health to be stigmatized in many countries due to a lack of awareness. If you say you are anxious or depressed, you are often just told to simply “get over it” or that “it’s all in your head”. Sure, it is all in your head, but it’s very hard to break out of habits and change thought patterns. Most people do not acknowledge it even if they probably understand it.

The Right Anxiety Therapist

Honestly, therapy takes time, and finding a therapist who suits you is also another struggle. There isn’t a definite amount of time that therapy can guarantee your improvement— as it is different for everyone. So finding the right anxiety therapist is important. Don’t be discouraged if the first time you try, it doesn’t feel like it’s working. There’s plenty of counselors to choose from.

Self-Help & Self-Care

Self-help is probably one of the most beneficial ways to cope with your anxiety but it is also among the hardest. It requires a lot of determination and motivation that simply lacks in most people affected. For people suffering from anxiety, it is almost impossible for them to do things that seem pretty easy and normal for others.

For example, whenever you’re anxious, try deep breathing and counting them to create a distraction. This is why experts recommend practicing mindfulness so one can bring themselves in touch with their feelings and learn to have control over them.

Self-care is also very important in all of this. Self-care can mean different things to different people. Such as, taking time for solitude or seeing friends, getting a massage or your nails done, working out or taking a class, reading, writing in a journal, etc. Whatever it is that creates calmness within you, you should schedule this time into your life because it’s one of the most important things to do for yourself, however silly it may seem to others.

The right therapy will boost your self-confidence.

When you see yourself making progress in being able to control your thoughts and actions, it ends up boosting your morale. That’s important because self-confidence plays a key role in anxiety disorders. Lots of people with low self-esteem are prone to experiencing it. Therefore, working on that and self-care should be of utmost priority in managing anxiety.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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Individual Counseling for Social Anxiety

Social anxiety, also referred to as social phobia, is one of the most considerable mental health problems in the world.

A person who suffers from this disorder harbors a fear of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people. It is this usually irrational belief, which then leads to feelings of depression, humiliation, and inferiority.

Recent surveys done in the United States show that it is the third largest mental health problem affecting their citizens, after alcoholism and depression, proving how common this affliction is.

There are two broad categories of social anxiety. In the specific social anxiety category, patients usually fear to speak in front of groups of people or avoid very particular kinds of social situations. The second type is generalized social anxiety, in which people are generally uncomfortable and anxious in all social situations. However, no matter what form of social anxiety is in question; millions of people worldwide suffer from it.

COMMON SYMPTOMS OF SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety is a disorder that encompasses both psychological and physiological symptoms. Patients suffering from this condition experience extreme anxiety and discomfort in certain situations, for example when they are being introduced to new people, when they are put in the center of attention or when they know they have to talk to a group of people. While most people may experience some level of nervousness in the scenarios as mentioned above, people suffering from social anxiety go through such a high level of panic and distress that at times they cannot face the situation at all and this discomfort manifests it in physical symptoms as well.

These physical symptoms include the patient’s heartbeat becoming very fast, excessive blushing, and the twitching of muscles in the face and neck area. What needs to be understood is that patients of social anxiety realize that their fears are irrational, but are unable to make them go away. This condition is severe and needs to be treated with the help of a qualified therapist so that the patient can live their life easier by dealing with their fear of social situations.

HOW CAN SOCIAL ANXIETY BE TREATED?

A piece of good news – when it comes to social anxiety, the condition can be overcome with proper professional help and perseverance. Chana Pfeifer is an exceptionally well-qualified therapist based in Long Island who can help you with any issues you are facing and provide one-on-one therapy sessions for social anxiety.

The most common treatment used to deal with social anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy, which is a comprehensive therapy which firstly identifies the triggers of the disorder, the negative thoughts associated with the trigger, and how these thoughts can be treated.

The human brain is a very complex and intricate organ that is capable of learning and adapting to change at any time – only a push in the right direction is needed. A qualified therapist can use CBT and other techniques to help you develop strategies that you can use when you are in a distressing social situation.

COUNSELING FOR SOCIAL ANXIETY TAKES COMMITMENT

As is the case with therapy for almost all mental issues, it will take some time for you to see results. At times, therapy can seem difficult as you have to talk about complicated feelings and face your fears, but perseverance and consistently attending your therapy sessions is very important if you are serious about dealing with your social anxiety. You also need to practice all the strategies that your therapist develops with you so that you are so well trained in applying those strategies in real life situations, so that they become second nature.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

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Marriage Counseling Benefits

Does your mind crawl back to the day when you said “yes” to your spouse?

The words “I do” are stuck in your head like a song on repeat.. You think about all you have come across, all that you left for your partner, and all that you have accomplished together. You never would have thought about marriage counseling benefits when things were going so well.

Marriage was never meant to be a piece of cake. The day you tied the knot with your spouse wasn’t just a beginning of a fairy tale. It wasn’t just romance and honeymoon trips. Your marriage day was beyond all of this – it was the day where you were supposed to share everything in your life – from a bed, to financials, and above all, share what’s inside your hearts.

Your heart may change or disagree with something, but it wasn’t supposed to lose hope or feelings towards your partner. However, sometimes life does take U-turns and go crazy because of bumps that come along or milestones that crush you down, and it’s okay. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same anymore about him/her. The first step to overcome this hard ride is to accept the reality of your heart and mind.

Are marriage counseling services really worth it?

Next, you have to buckle up and get ready to talk. But consulting with a friend or family member isn’t the right place. Marriage counselors do have a major role in making life easier with marriage conflicts and perhaps one last try wouldn’t hurt.

Marriage Counseling Benefits: with therapy, you can start:

● Resolving conflicts from a neutral perspective.

● Analyzing the reasons that made you and your spouse disconnect.

● Processing the emotions and ill feelings that led to consequences.

● Receiving guidance to divert away from the turmoil.

● Creating a sense of clarity with what your mind & heart want.

The entire process of realization and building communication must be addressed professionally.

When a couple is stressed, a lot of negativity takes control and makes getting back together the last resort. It makes it blurry for both individuals to understand and think for a second. Due to back-to-back fights and arguments, ill feelings towards each other mess up the foundation of what could be a great relationship.

By talking about your feelings and problems in a guided manner, a counselor tends to draw parallels between both people and address conflicts accordingly. It helps both reconcile and value the power of love and relationship.