Blog ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

Lack of Sleep can Cause Relationship Problems

It’s not just fighting that can tear a relationship apart — lack of sleep can also contribute to problems between you and your partner (not to mention, your health!)

Lack of Sleep - Couples Counseling Long Island, NY

Your marriage has been through it’s ups and downs. Over the years, you’ve shared your secrets, your dreams, and one bathroom, which has brought you closer and made your relationship stronger. But there is a force out there that threatens to dismantle everything you’ve worked towards. An unfortunate occurrence that has been known to cause misery since the beginning of time: lack of sleep. But all joking aside, the ways sleep deprivation affects your marriage can be serious, but it’s nothing you and your partner can’t handle.

Lack of Sleep Raises Inflammation Levels

A new study in the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology says that not getting enough Z’s can raise inflammation levels, and this, when paired with spousal fights, can lead to marital stress and a decline in health.

“Part of the issue in a marriage is that sleep patterns often track together. If one person is restless or has chronic problems, that can impact the other’s sleep. If these problems persist over time, you can get this nasty reverberation within the couple,”
Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, senior author and director of the Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research.

And if the couple has children, there’s potential for sleep interruption from the moment a baby is born and for several years afterwards.

Anyone ever pick a fight with you when you haven’t had enough shut eye?

Then you know that those arguments aren’t always the prettiest sight. In an study published in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, researchers found that couples have more conflicts occur from sleep deprivation, even when only one of them is short on sleep. This study also found that tired couples had less empathy for one another when trying to reach conflict resolution.

Use this as a reason to team up and investigate the problem – together.

Choosing between losing sleep and sleeping apart can be difficult, but there is a third choice: to seek help together as a couple.

If anything, having a spouse there to bring attention to repeated snoring, can actually help identify if there’s an actual health issue that needs to be addressed. So why not work on this problem together?

Contact Chana today for more information on couples therapy.

Infertility Counseling

A diagnosis of infertility is truly heartbreaking.

After the initial shock and devastation, intense emotions may arise that alternate between rage, grief, jealousy, and denial. These emotions can be quite overwhelming, and it’s often difficult to get the support one needs from family and friends.

Regardless of the diagnosis, infertility is an unpredictable life crisis.

Infertility counseling can help sort out some of the concerns that arise during this period, and assist in making sense of the more complex emotional issues that may arise. It also provides a place to safely share all of your anxieties, fears, and thoughts without being judged.

Coping with infertility is hard, and needing help is 100% normal.

Infertility is often ranked as one of the most distressing life crises for women and couples experiencing it.

Consider infertility counseling if your sadness, depression, worrying, and/or anxiety is prolonged and affecting areas of your life. It is important to seek professional help in times of despair. A certified therapist can teach you coping skills and strategies to hopefully alleviate some of the emotional stress you are dealing with. You don’t have to do it alone. Talk to Chana today.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

Certified Imago Therapist

See me and hear me.. Make it safe.

Often this is the beginning of what is missing..

It’s hard to ask for help and being in a relationship can be tricky.

I appreciate people who are brave to say, “I need help with my life”, “I want to change my life”, or “I am unhappy”.

I can help transform your hopes into action.

You CAN change your life… if you have the will and desire to do so. There are no guarantees, and the work can be daunting. But if you are willing to work, together we can find a way.

As a certified Imago therapist, I help couples and individuals establish new, healthy patterns and break long-standing dysfunctional patterns.

I encourage owning your responsibility in your life. I take a holistic approach and am solution-based. I give life-changing tools leading to eventual independence. I use practical tools so couples can communicate effectively, whether you stay together or not.

As a certified Imago therapist, I love what I do. My specialty is relationships. I deal with a variety of people, whether it is navigating couples’ challenging relationships, separation, blended families, or geriatrics. I feel the variety of many issues keeps my skills sharp.

Counseling for Conscious Couples – Long Island, New York

Dealing with Jealousy in Relationships

If you are in a relationship, it is natural to feel a little jealous at times, especially if you have very strong feelings for your partner.

Occasional jealousy is okay and may even add a little excitement and zest to the relationship. But what to do when this jealousy becomes more frequent, intense and even overwhelming?

Today more than ever before, people are afraid of being rejected, not accepted, not being loved and worry about losing people they care for. These feelings of loss are natural. Yet, when thoughts and feelings of jealousy are extreme, they stem partially as a result of insecurities. When fear lessens, so does jealousy.

Most of us have felt it at one time or another. It could be a mild annoyance or a fire inside you, consuming you, making you feel like you might explode. Although it is a common emotional reaction when a person is feeling threatened, jealousy is one of biggest relationship destroyers out there.

The foundation of any healthy and happy relationship is trust and respect. A person struggling with jealousy is unable to trust the person they are with or show respect for them as an individual or their boundaries.

Overtime this behavior will destroy the feelings of love and affection that once existed. It will also likely cause repeated arguing and a need for one partner to prove themselves and their loyalty over and over again. This can be exhausting and prevent a relationship from growing and establishing a solid foundation.

If you have found that jealousy is a problem in your relationship, whether it is you that are jealous or your partner, it can be painful for both of you. Getting beyond it will take patience, communication and changing of beliefs.

Jealousy in Relationships: If overcoming jealous feelings and behaviors on your own isn’t working, don’t discount seeking help!

Marriage Counseling

Relationships Built On Trust

A healthy marriage is built on a strong foundation of trust, however it’s not an easy topic to discuss. You may feel pressured into saying, “Yes, I trust you” but if you do have sincere concerns, now is the time to discuss them. There is no room for doubt between a husband and wife.

Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them, and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other.

A few questions to ask your partner if trust is an issue in your relationship:

Do you trust me?
Is there anything you feel you can’t trust me with?
Have you ever felt the need to check my phone?
Have I ever done anything to lose your trust?
If you don’t trust me, what are steps I can take to regain it?

Imago Relationship Counseling

Sometimes, it can be very hard to overcome disagreements and you two might feel stuck – not knowing how or when to communicate to get past it.

Intervention can mean all the difference in saving a marriage or letting the ship sink!

How Does Marriage Counseling Work?

In marriage counseling, the therapist will try to teach you and your spouse certain crucial communication skills. Most domestic problems are the result of not being able to communicate your point of view to your partner effectively, but therapy can help resolve that as you are given the opportunity to speak your mind freely.

The therapist will then help you look at both the negative and positive aspects of your relationship, so that you can focus on the good and work on strategies to deal with the bad.

You will also learn new communication skills that will teach you how to talk to your partner without offending him/her, and will be given opportunities to discuss your differences in a controlled manner.

Marriage Counseling Long Island

If you are searching for an expert marriage counselor in the Long Island area, contact Chana Pfeifer.

Counseling for Conscious Couples