marriage counselor NY Archives ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

Tips for Couples Communication During the Holidays

During the holidays, couples communication should focus on open and honest dialogue, active listening, setting clear boundaries, expressing needs, and checking in with each other regularly to navigate potential stressors and ensure both partners feel heard and supported throughout the festive season.

Key aspects of good couples communication during the holidays:

Open and honest conversation: Discuss expectations, potential stressors, and preferred holiday activities with your partner to avoid misunderstandings.

Active listening: Pay full attention to your partner’s feelings and concerns without interrupting, and try to understand their perspective.

Expressing needs: Clearly communicate your own needs and desires regarding family visits, gift-giving, and holiday activities.

Setting boundaries: Establish limits on what you are comfortable with during the holidays, including time spent with certain family members or social events.

Checking in regularly: Make time to check in with your partner throughout the holiday season to see how they are feeling and address any concerns.

Compromise and flexibility: Be willing to adjust plans and expectations as needed to accommodate your partner’s needs.

Stress-reducing conversations: If feeling overwhelmed, have open conversations about managing holiday stress together.

What to avoid during holiday communication:

Making assumptions: Don’t assume your partner knows what you are thinking or feeling.

Being critical or judgmental: Focus on understanding your partner’s perspective rather than criticizing their choices.

Ignoring issues: Don’t sweep problems under the rug, address concerns promptly and openly.

Effective communication is the foundation of any strong relationship.

It allows partners to express their needs, understand each other, and build trust, ultimately leading to a deeper connection and the ability to navigate challenges together.

Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is seeing clients virtually and in-person in West Hempstead, Long Island, New York. Contact her here.

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How can a therapist mediate a married couple’s problems?

A therapist can mediate a married couple’s problems by using various techniques and strategies to facilitate effective communication, identify and address underlying issues, and promote a stronger, healthier relationship.

Here are some ways a therapist can help married couples:

Initial Steps:

Establish a neutral and supportive environment.
Set clear goals and expectations for therapy.
Conduct individual and joint sessions to understand each partner’s perspective.

Communication Strategies:

Active listening: Encourage each partner to listen attentively to the other, focusing on understanding rather than responding.
Reflective listening: Repeat back what each partner has said to ensure understanding and show empathy.
I-statements: Teach couples to express feelings and thoughts using “I” statements instead of “you” statements, which can come across as accusatory.
Non-defensive communication: Help couples learn to respond without becoming defensive.

Identifying and Addressing Underlying Issues:

Identify patterns and cycles: Recognize negative patterns and cycles that contribute to conflicts.
Explore underlying emotions: Help couples understand and address underlying emotions, such as anger, hurt, or fear.
Uncover unresolved conflicts: Address unresolved issues and resentments.
Examine individual and shared values: Explore values, goals, and expectations.

Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution:

Collaborative problem-solving: Encourage couples to work together to find solutions.
Conflict resolution strategies: Teach effective conflict resolution techniques, such as compromise, forgiveness, and apologies.
Develop a conflict resolution plan: Create a plan for managing conflicts in the future.

Building Intimacy and Connection:

Emotional intimacy: Foster emotional closeness through vulnerability and empathy.
Communication exercises: Assign exercises to promote communication, such as sharing gratitude or appreciation.
Date nights: Encourage regular date nights to strengthen bonding.

Therapist’s Role:

Facilitate: Guide conversations and ensure both partners are heard.
Educate: Provide information on effective communication, conflict resolution, and relationship skills.
Support: Offer emotional support and encouragement.
Accountability: Hold couples accountable for their actions and commitments.

By using these techniques and strategies, a therapist can help a married couple:

Improve communication and conflict resolution skills.
Strengthen emotional intimacy and connection.
Address underlying issues and resentments.
Develop a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

Keep in mind that every therapist has their unique approach, and the specific techniques used may vary depending on the therapist’s orientation and the couple’s needs.

For more information, contact Chana Pfeifer, LCSW in Long Island.

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What is it like being divorced & a marriage counselor?

Long Island marriage counselor & Imago Relationship Therapist Chana Pfeifer, LCSW, is interviewed about being divorced by Rosalind Sedacca on the Divorce, Dating & Empowered Living Show.

Chana Pfeifer has been a licensed social worker for more than 25 years, specializing in relationships since 2013. She’s had a private practice since 2004, has worked in the home care field, and has been teaching a college class as well.

Chana is passionate about her work as an Imago trained therapist, which is relationship work. It’s a really sound program that gets fabulous results and she’s also grateful for her own difficult personal journey, which includes having her own divorce. So welcome Chana..

Why don’t we start by asking you what it’s like being divorced and being a marriage counselor?

I have taken all kinds of advanced courses and have done extensive training and at the same time I wasn’t able to fix my own relationship. But what it does, is it helps me know what it’s like to be in the trenches. I have this incredible knowledge and experience of what it’s really like to struggle in relationship. I’m not perfect either, but at the same time I’m honored to be able to help couples connect in a really conscious way, even though I wasn’t able to fix my own relationship. It is an interesting conundrum. If I wouldn’t have struggled in my own relationship, I don’t believe I would have come into this expertise. It has changed my life for the better both personally and professionally. I’m so grateful that I specialize in relationship work.

Well, I hear you and I appreciate and value your candor. That means a lot to our listeners because your honesty is refreshing and very important.

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