infidelity Archives ⋆ Chana Pfeifer

Therapy After Cheating

Finding out that you’re being cheated on in a relationship is devastating. Why do people cheat? Well, there’s as many reasons as there is people, but some of the main reasons usually are:

People go outside of their relationship when they feel rejected / ignored / unappreciated by their partner.

Instead of addressing this issue with their current partner, someone else sparks that old feeling of being desired, and it becomes irresistible. Cheating on a partner can happen when an outside influence ignites lost feelings of being wanted.

Another reason why people cheat is because of unspoken resentment.

When people stop working through conflict in a relationship and they both just stuff their problems down and never speak about or work through them, people act out on each other as a way of expressing their anger. Intimacy becomes diminished and an emotional divide happens.

So, when it comes down to it, cheating on a partner isn’t solely based on sexual needs. It goes far beyond that. It encompasses ego, unmet desires, anger, etc.

Addressing the initial reactions of betrayal with a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience these feelings, it can be healing as well.

In relationships, we like to project and blame our problems on someone/something else because it’s much easier than looking at ourselves.

Once you can recognize your part in a cheating scenario, whether you are the cheater or the person betrayed by cheating, you can learn to see the red flags faster and make better decisions in your relationships. Once you own your part in it, whatever part it is, you can begin to move forward.

For more info. on counseling, call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer, LCSW today.

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Marriage Counseling after an Affair

The effects of infidelity can be devastating and put significant strain on any relationship. When you find out your partner has been having an affair, it can be incredibly difficult to regain a feeling of trust or security. Moreover, infidelity can lead to anxiety, depression, anger and a myriad of unpleasant emotions.

These effects can make daily life more difficult, and affect your ability to focus or feel joy.

The partner who cheats is also likely to deal with the distress of infidelity. This may include anxiety, depression, and a severe feeling of guilt. Unfortunately, in some cases, cheating can evolve into a continuous cycle that the individual feels is difficult to end. Partners who cheat carry the burden of hidden truth on their shoulders, posing barriers to communication with their significant other.

Infidelity not only threatens the security of the relationship, but it poses distressing and often painful emotional effects.

Recovering from such effects are difficult and require effort on the part of both partners. Counseling can be an effective way to start this process. The professional guidance of a counselor can help you navigate and mediate discussions as a couple.

Through counseling, couples can discuss their expectations and fears in a neutral environment. In addition to addressing the initial reactions to betrayal, a therapist can help you understand what you’re feeling and why. Not only is it important to recognize and experience those feelings, it can be healing as well.

Therapy provides an ideal space to talk about the events of infidelity, helping both partners to understand the factors that may surround it.

Effective communication can be one of the most difficult, yet helpful things to repair during such a time of distress. The disconnect in communication after an affair can be mended through guided talk therapy.

For the individual who is dealing with the pain of such an unexpected event, therapy can help build healthy coping skills for the initial trauma that will continue into the future. Patience and mindfulness can become key parts of this process, as well.

Chana can help you gain stability and get in touch with your emotional sensitivities after an affair.

Although some may decide that they may not want to continue in the relationship, counseling can help you develop a plan to move on in a peaceful manner. If a couple does decide that the relationship can be mended, therapy provides a structured, productive environment to do so.

Both partners’ needs can be considered while trust can be restored through a holistic, mindful approach. Chana Pfeifer offers healing treatment from the comfort of your home or in-office while following all social distancing guidelines.

If you have experienced or are currently facing the distressing effects of infidelity, don’t hesitate to reach out today.

What counts as infidelity?

Infidelity Counseling Long Island: What counts as infidelity?

Infidelity is becoming an alarmingly common problem with couples in various stages of their relationship.

Infidelity refers to the scenario in which one partner in a relationship breaks the promise to be faithful to the other. This problem must be dealt with as soon as it becomes apparent otherwise its negative influence can start to creep into various aspects of your life.

Due to changing family and social values, peoples’ lifestyles have changed dramatically too, and the increase in instances of infidelity is very strongly related to it. To get a sense of how rampant this problem is, a survey was carried out recently that showed while 90% of people in a relationship consider infidelity to be unacceptable, approximately 20% of partners engage in it at some time or another.

What counts as infidelity?

The definition of “infidelity” is literally “disloyalty,” but what counts as cheating in a relationship can vary from person to person. Women normally place a lot of emphasis on emotional attachment and attraction when defining disloyalty, whereas, for a lot of men, cheating encompasses physical relations with another. This is why some people believe that infidelity only occurs when one partner has sex outside of the relationship while according to others, cyber or emotional affairs may also count as disloyalty.

Effects of infidelity.

From a psychological perspective, infidelity can have an extremely detrimental effect on the un-involved party’s psychological and emotional health. The faithful partner may experience signs of depression, low self-esteem, and even fits of rage. It can also have negative physiological effects on the loyal partner, such as lack of sleep, overeating, or under-eating.

Not only does infidelity impact the partners, but if they have children, they too can come in the middle of the problem and be exposed to negative stimuli. Infidelity can erode the foundation of various familial relationships and take a toll on the parties’ physical and emotional health. This is why infidelity is a multi-faceted problem, and couples must seek professional help as soon as they discover it.

Chana Pfeifer is an excellent marriage counselor who can help couples facing issues with cheating and disloyalty resolve those problems and find effective solutions.

How can you cope with infidelity?

While infidelity may severely damage a relationship, there is still a chance to salvage it with appropriate help and counseling. If both partners are willing to make an effort to solve their disputes, and the unfaithful partner is ready to make a change in their behavior, the probability of the relationship’s survival goes up.

While no one reason can account for a partner’s infidelity, often communication problems, dissatisfaction with the current relationship, and deeper psychological issues can be a triggering factor.

If your relationship is facing any issues such as disloyalty and cheating, Chana Pfeifer is a professional counselor who can help you work through the issues you’re facing and find a way to come out better at the end.

For additional information about counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com.

Couples Coping with Infidelity

Given the emotional toll infidelity takes, can anyone truly get past an affair?

Can trust ever be restored? Should it be?

Finding out that your partner has been unfaithful can hit you like a ton of bricks. Your marriage may be thrown into a state of crisis that may destroy it.

It’s not just the pain of any specific sexual betrayal that you must try to process and eventually overcome, it’s the loss of trust in your spouse and your relationship.

If you have recently learned about infidelity in your relationship and are experiencing any degree of the pain and uncertainty described above, the following tips below may be helpful.

Accept Your Feelings

Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal. You will likely feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster for a while. It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don’t expect the mixture of feelings and the mistrust to go away even if you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage. Your marriage has changed and it is natural to grieve the relationship you once had.

Don’t Seek Revenge

Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage. In your furious state, your first instinct may be to punish your mate by trash-talking him to friends (or worse, on social media), or think about having an affair yourself to get even. You may get a temporary sense of satisfaction from these sorts of actions, but ultimately they can work against you, keeping you in a state of anger instead of focusing on healing and moving on, alone or together.

Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do—leave or stay. But nobody else really understands what goes on in another person’s marriage. While you are pondering how you’re going to proceed, it’s best to keep the details private.

Take Care of Yourself

You may have some physical reactions due to stress such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems, shakiness, difficulty concentrating, not wanting to eat or overeating. Once the initial shock has passed, try your best to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water, and, yes, to have some fun.

Avoid the Blame Game

Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won’t change anything and it’s just wasted energy. Try not to play the victim, either, if you can help it, or wallow in self-pity. It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself.

Keep Your Kids Out of It

This situation is between you and your partner and should not involve your children at all. Unless you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage, sharing details about an affair will only cause them anxiety, make them feel stuck in the middle, and forced to take sides.

Seek Counseling

Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it’s wise to talk to a couples’ counselor, who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened. You can ask your partner questions and share your feelings without losing your cool.

An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling. If you decide to end the marriage, you ‘ll know that you tried your best to make it work.

Get Practical

If you suspect that the affair will most likely lead to the end of your marriage, give some thought to practical matters, such as where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, the type of custody arrangement you want. You may also want to consider asking your partner to be tested for STDs, and to get yourself tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair.

Take it One Day at a Time

Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn’t always mean it’s the end. As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart, can begin.

For more info. about infidelity counseling, please call (516) 592-1107 or email Chana Pfeifer at TheHappierMe.LCSW@gmail.com

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