Counseling with Chana Pfeifer, LCSW: Conflict Around In-Laws
Are you arguing about your parents or your partner’s parents a lot?
Do you try to talk about it, but end up always arguing instead?
Are there hurt feelings / unsaid things piling up on either side?
If so, you may be caught up in a negative cycle. It may be time to get help for your relationship before the hurts start to pile up. Healthy couples get help when conflict around in-laws becomes problematic.
Regardless of what’s causing the friction, couples report that long-term stress is a consequence of having difficulties with family members. There starts to be a dread of family gatherings for the distress and exchanges they can invite.
What can you do? Establish boundaries early.
You may need to start out with gentle reminders, as things are unlikely to change overnight.
This can be done compassionately, but firmly. Overall, your approach needs to be strict in consistently enforcing the boundaries you’ve drawn. If the situation allows, be friendly, tactful, straightforward, and respectful. Think of how you’d handle a disagreeable situation with a co-worker.
If, however, your in-laws continue to disrespect your boundaries and wishes, you may need to approach them with a little less tact. Think of a boss putting an employee in his place. No matter what, establish boundaries early.
A lot of couples will not draw their boundaries until they have to. You can avoid a great deal of heartache, disappointment, and distress by letting your limits be known early on.
I would love to help you sort through in-law difficulties in your relationship so you can have harmony within your family.
Let’s see how we can help you resolve these dilemmas and renew the love, trust, connection you long to have.
