Feeling contempt for your partner is a serious issue because it erodes intimacy and communication, ultimately leading to relationship breakdown and potential divorce.
Contempt is the most significant predictor of divorce, and for a good reason. It strips away any semblance of the essential respect that defines a healthy relationship (of any kind), let alone a marriage.
Disgust charges contempt for the other person, and that disgust leaks out in the cruelest of ways. Contempt is mean. And it’s intended to be mean… It comes from a place of self-assigned superiority that isn’t satisfied until the other person is demeaned and broken. Tactics such as sarcasm, biting humor, mocking, name-calling, and negative body language assail a partner at his/her core.
Here’s why contempt is so destructive in relationships:
Erosion of Trust and Intimacy: Contempt creates a climate of disrespect and devaluation, making it difficult to feel safe and vulnerable, which are crucial for building trust and intimacy.
Communication Breakdown: When one partner feels disrespected or belittled, defensiveness and emotional distance can result, leading to ineffective communication and conflict escalation.
Emotional Disconnection: Contempt fosters emotional distance, as one partner feels disregarded or devalued, leading to a weakening of the emotional bond and a sense of disconnection.
Deterioration of Self-Esteem: Constant exposure can damage self-esteem, as one partner may internalize negative beliefs about themselves and their worthiness.
Relationship Failure: Contempt is a major predictor of relationship failure and divorce, as it signals a breakdown of respect and admiration, which are essential for a healthy relationship.
Mental and Physical Health Impacts: Contempt can lead to anxiety, depression, high stress levels, and other negative health consequences, highlighting its detrimental impact on overall well-being.
The Four Horsemen: Contempt is one of the “Four Horsemen” identified by The Gottman Institute, alongside criticism, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which are strong indicators of relationship problems.
Resentment and Disgust: Can stem from accumulated resentment and a feeling of unfairness, leading to a sense of disgust and a lack of empathy for the partner.
Lack of Appreciation: Makes it difficult to appreciate your partner’s positive qualities, further exacerbating the negative feelings and behaviors.
